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Handle This: You're Pregnant, but He's Not Happy

Handle This: You're Pregnant, but He's Not Happy

You and your boyfriend have been together for over three years, and though not engaged yet, you've talked about settling down together eventually. So it came as a big surprise when you learned you were pregnant a couple months ago. The news has taken a lot of processing and much reevaluating of your life.

But while you’ve accepted your pregnancy, and want to make the best of it, your boyfriend has not. He’s completely withdrawn, angry, and accusatory. You need his support, but he doesn’t seem willing, so how would you handle this?


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DsblueEyez DsblueEyez 8 years
Well I'm on the same boat. I found out that I was pregnant when i was already 3 months. The first two month I got my period on time and normally. On the third month I missed it completely and freaked out. I thought that maybe I was about a few weeks pregnant and i would have the option of having an abortion. On the contrary when I went to the docotor I found out that i was 3 months into my pregnancy. When I let my boyfriend know at first he didn't go crazy but now that I'm 4 months and a week pregnant (17 weeks) he would like for me to have an abortion and i refused. I mean I know the baby is a boy already and really now that hes a decent size I am emotionally attached. But my boyfriend continues to be really depressed and truely it does affect me in a way. But I just think of how beautiful my baby boy is going to be and how happy i'm going to be once I hold him for the first time.But I think each person should make their own decision depending on their situation. I just hope for the best. I know once the baby is born my boyfriend will love him as much as i do.
superjules superjules 8 years
Well, it sounds like it's a little late to do something about it, if that was even something she was considering. He's had time to think about it and in my opinion she needs to give him his walking papers. Raising a child by yourself is hard but it's not impossible.
bbkf bbkf 8 years
I can't even think about this because there's no way I would "accept" having an unexpected pregnancy.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Agreed with GlowingMoon!
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
I imagine this playing out like that movie 9 months, with Hugh Grant. Leave the boyfriend and he'll come crawling back when he realises what he's lost.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I probably wouldn't be happy, nor would i keep it. The thing is, id probably end up leaving him because the biggest threat to women during a pregnancy is murder.
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 8 years
My reaction would probably be same as Glowingmoon's and Cubadog. I would accept the responsability and raise the baby. It wouldn't be easy but there are a lot of single moms out there who are doing a great job and that has always inspired me. As far as the boyfriend if he loved me and we were in a stable relationship I would expect his support and since he didn't offer it I would let him go and surround myself with a supportive circle of family and friends and probably seek professional counseling to help me find a healthy way to cope with the difficulty of the situation.
Dublin62505 Dublin62505 8 years
Tough call and lots of hurt to go around no matter how you toss it. Personally, I would be inclined to have an abortion and move on from what appears to be a shallow relationship. If it is past the abortion stage, I would gather all my moxie and strength and press forward without the dolt. One would also have to prepare for a good dose of hormonal crying and sadness related to that of course. Unless I was independently wealthy, I would seek some sort of compensation once the child is born. You play, you pay. He bares just as much responsibility in the creation of the child. Daycare, diapers, wipes, endless other baby supplies, sick visits, school supplies...all add up quickly. Sometimes people don't realize how expensive children can be.
geebers geebers 8 years
Not OK - he is entitled to feel scared but he shouldn't ever reflect his negativity and reservations on me while I am pregnant and hormonal. I am not ready to be pregnant so likely I would be feeling like him if this happened anyway- but in a hypothetical situation - I would expect him to man-up and ask him if he chooses to stay like a man or abandon his child like a coward.
jessie jessie 8 years
i 'd be like "shit happens, buck're not the only one this is happening to..grow the fuck up!"
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
First of all use protection and most likely you won't have to deal with this in the first place. Second of all you need to have a serious talk with the man. Is he accusing you of cheating on him and not being the father? Trapping him into staying with him? I would tell him that it's his kid too and he needs to be there for you. If he still acts the same way than you need to dump him and raise your child without this loser.
Marci Marci 8 years
I'm with cubadog, yet again. You can't force him to be happy about a baby he obviously doesn't want. You need to offer to take a step back and let him figure things out. But don't make the mistake of laying a guilt trip on him about it. I'm sure neither of you was expecting this. You're just more open to the idea than he is, apparently.
Kelliegrl Kelliegrl 8 years
I have no sympathy.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Damn. I would just be like, "Look, I didn't expect this to happen either, but I am more stuck with it than you are. Now you can either abandon me and your child, or you can act like an adult and help me through this." Then we would go to counseling. Normally I would suggest a breakup (I've just been through one like that after 3 years) but when a child is involved I would expect an adult man to make his best possible effort at being a partner and father.
Berlin Berlin 8 years
Easy, you go to counseling. That way you get to speak to someone who's objective and he can really release any thoughts of pressure, disappointment, anger and fear through this channel and do it in a safe environment that is thoughtful Men don't handle new surprises well and it's common to go into attack mode for some people, so a counseling session to help him get out his thoughts will really help!
sugarbritches sugarbritches 8 years
If he's been behaving this way for months I would split. But unlike Glowingmoon I would garnish his wages in a second. It would piss me off if he wasn't accepting his share of responsibility. I wouldn't be afraid of being a single parent, but he wouldn't get off scott free by any means.
fleurfairy fleurfairy 8 years
This exact scenario happened to my good friend. She was happy about the baby, he was angry. He kept pushing her to get an abortion and when she wouldn't, he completely withdrew from her. She figured that he would fall in love with the baby once she gave birth (as many foolish women do), but he became even more absent and more angry when the baby disrupted his bachelor life. They broke up and now she's raising the baby on her own.
chocolatine chocolatine 8 years
If there's still enough time, I'd have an abortion. I want to have children, but only with a man who stands by me 100%. Sorry if this is offensive to some of you, but I think abortion is there for exactly this reason.
lawchick lawchick 8 years
Man, I would be completely stressed out and freaked out if I got pregnant NOW, and I'm married! (our lack of health insurance and husband being unemployed would not be ideal circumstances...) I don't think it's necessarily unreasonable for him to be a little freaked out for awhile. While we all know this can happen, no one who is taking precautions expects it to happen. I think he's entitled to his feelings, though that doesn't entitle him to be an outright jerk by any means. Hopefully he will come around soon. If he doesn't, I agree with the other posters that you should consider moving on so that stress doesn't wear on you and the baby. Good luck.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
give time...if he doesn't get it together...break up.
cubadog cubadog 8 years
I would probably take a step back and let him have some time to let it sink in. Sometimes people are just not ready. To be honest the whole pregnant by accident bothers me. I know that it does not fit into my life at all so I would totally freak.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Given that I've accepted the pregnancy, I would accept my role as a parent, even though my baby is still in utero. This means our child comes first. If my boyfriend is negative and hostile towards me, I would put some distance between us. His treatment would be stressful towards me and my pregnancy, and hence, detrimental towards our unborn child. This is UNACCEPTABLE. Also, I would offer to break-up with him. Since he's so unhappy and negative about being a parent, I would set him free. He would be a terrible partner and parent towards me and our child. I would want BETTER for us. I would consider being a single parent. I would seek no support from him (personally or economically). Additionally, I would look into the legal aspect, and make sure I would have sole custody over our child. I'll regard him as nothing more than a sperm donor. As one may conclude, I have a very dim view on his behavior. To me, he's showing me some of his true colors. I find his colors ugly and repugnant.
Fallen85 Fallen85 8 years
If I was in the same position, I would talk to him about it and probably eventually break up wiht him but frankly, I wouldnt have kept the baby in the first place... but that's just me... and kids freak me out.
rosalie-princess rosalie-princess 8 years
thats completly stupid he helped you get pregnant thats his baby
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