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Harassed By My Doorman

Dear Sugar
I'm fresh out of college and have been living alone in a new studio apartment. I love everything about the complex and the people. I feel very safe there, but I have a problem with one of the doormen. He's there Monday through Friday and I always catch him staring at me and making an occasional borderline inappropriate compliment from time to time.

I don't want to be rude to the doorman because he serves a purpose within the building, but I can't stop getting creeped out by his flirtation with me. I kind of just snub him at this point and then feel badly for being mean.

I am close to an older doorman who is the superior over the other doorman, but I feel like I'd be making too big a deal if I asked him about it. I am just fed up at this point and I was hoping for some advice on how to handle him. Hounded Hailey

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Hounded Hailey
Ugh, what a nuisance to be pestered in your own home. Have your attempts of ignoring him been helpful or is he having a hard time taking the hint? If you feel hounded when going in and out of your building, then speaking up is a must.

Since you are buddies with this man's superior, I would just talk to him about your concerns. Hopefully he can tell your rude and oggling doorman to lay off the sweet talk and just be freindly in a respectful and polite way or there will be hell to pay! Good luck.

Join The Conversation
controlledspin controlledspin 10 years
I think it would be a different story if this was a doorman at the building where you work, but you should always feel comfortable where you live. I would casually mention it to the older doorman. Maybe your gut feelings are telling you something.
Marci Marci 10 years
I meant that the guy I worked with said something borderlne INappropriate. Sorry!
Marci Marci 10 years
This is a tough problem. I'm a little bit older than you so hopefully I can share some thoughts based on experience. I spent a lot of years letting people like that doorman make me uncomfortable. And I also worried about being 'mean' or whatever. Then one day a guy I worked with said something borderline appropriate and I just said to him 'I'm not sure WHAT you mean by that, but I don't think you should be talking to me like that, do you?" He just looked at me then walked away. He never spoke to me inappropriately again, and we were able to have a cordial enough relationship after that. People can only get away with as much as we allow them to. So it's just a matter of finding the way to nip something in the bud that you're comfortable with. But you'll have to take some kind of action for it to stop. Good luck!
HariboLicorice HariboLicorice 10 years
I agree with bluejeanie 100%. I have a doorman who accused me of stealing a package and then told the other doormen about it. Total crap because they screwed up the log and said i signed out too many. I'm pretty sure the young guy who works there and is super shady took the package and now they can't find it and are trying to blame it on me because I conveniently live down the hall from the person who it happened to. You can't let people like that make you too mad. Bottom line is that i'm not giving the lying cheating schmuck who harasses me a dime for Christmas becuase i cant stand the guy. ps. i'm also your age, it's easy to get harassed in your early 20s...just yesterday some lady told me to take my sticky fingered starbucks out of her hallmark store!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
psssh, don't feel bad. he's not supposed to be saying inappropriate things to people at work. tell his superior that this doorman's comments are making you uncomfortable, ask to be kept anonymous and the problem will be solved.
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