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Harassed By My Hubby's Horrible Friend

Harassed By My Hubby's Horrible Friend

Dear Sugar
My husband has a close knit group of friends, guys and girls, that he has known since college. I have gradually become friends with them independently of my husband which was important to both of us. I really like them for the most part, but there is one girl who always rubs me the wrong way when she's been drinking.

She often comes at me with very hurtful comments after she has had a couple of alcoholic drinks. The last time we got together, she told me that she liked me better now that I finally got a job! I had been out of the job market for about four months after being laid off and was dumbfounded by her comment, but sadly not all that surprised.

One side of me just wants to shake off her drunk talk while the other side of me wants to set her straight. I am not the only one that falls victim to her drunken behavior and everyone in our circle is fed up with her rude and unwarranted comments. Should I take her with a grain of salt or should I confront her? Aggrivated Allyson

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Aggrivated Allyson
No one likes a bad drunk so I am sorry that you have to socialize with her. Has anyone brought up her drinking behavior before? Is she aware of her loud mouth? The only way she will change is if she is aware of how her behavior is affecting others around her.

Since you hang out together in social situations, perhaps telling her then is a good idea, a place where she feels safe. Don't approach her in an attacking manor and make sure she isn't drunk when talking about her loose lips. Let her know you don't appreciate how she speaks to you and that she often hurts your feelings. Try saying something like this:

"Hey, there has been something bothering me since the last time we were out and I just wanted to let you know. The comment you made about liking me more now that I have a job better than before didn't sit very well with me.

I don't think you said it to purposefully hurt my feelings, but I just wanted to let you know that you did. I didn't expect to lose my job and was struggling coping with the loss as well as trying my best to be optimistic about interviewing and starting all over again."

Hopefully your confrontational big-mouthed friend will realize her drinking behavior is not liked by her peers and she will change her ways. I am sure she will appreciate you voicing your feelings and perhaps you can use this experience to grow closer.

herbiefrog herbiefrog 10 years
sounds like she is concerned for you but isnt good at getting you to understand what she is trying to say ...anyway you have a job now ?
pattyo pattyo 10 years
I would have checked! Sounds like she doesn't like you very much.....The next time you all get together...make your move! ;) Tell her to mind her own f*%#@:* business!
pinkangelmonkey pinkangelmonkey 10 years
jinx nailed it. no need for her to be a mean and nasty b*tch to you and drinking is not an excuse.
flutterpie flutterpie 10 years
No one has the right to make you feel crappy, especially when you when you are trying to be out and having a good time. i would confront while she is sober but make it conversational. not like an intervention Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, can it get any better?
Lindsb Lindsb 10 years
I definitely think you should bring it up.. or have someone who's known her longer bring it up. But, who ever does talk to her.. they should do it alone. A one on one conversation.. it would be awful if she felt attacked.. like everyone felt that way. Then she would just get defensive and it could lead to harsh feelings. Good luck!
sofi sofi 10 years
since you are the new one to the group and others seem to feel the same way as you do, get one of them to talk to her. It may come off better if a long-time friend confronted her instead of a new one. she may turn around and say you are jealous of the group and trying to rock the boat. I hope you've talked about this with your husband. If she bothers others as well, you shouldn't worry- they should back you up.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
Those are obviously harboured feelings about you and your other friends that she doesn't have the booty to say while she's straight, she's the one with issues, y'all should all confront her together, since y'all are all bugged enough to discuss her comments with each other.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
confront her~
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 10 years
i dont even get why she would like you more when u had a job.. i dont really see how its offensive..
fat-kat fat-kat 10 years
Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. You need to voice your opinion about this matter. Although her opinion does not count because she is not the one you need to prove anything to. It's better to pull her to the side when shes sober and let her know the things she says and does to you and how it makes you feel. You don't have to get upset with her response, although you will want to.
Twinkle1 Twinkle1 10 years
I'm with Jinx on this one :D
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
i think talking to her while she's sober and it's just the two of you should do the trick. it's entirely possible that she doesn't realize that she's being such a jerk when she's drunk. she'll probably stop since she'll be so embarrassed about her behavior. nobody likes knowing that he or she hurts feelings of friends.
honey31 honey31 10 years
Lol jinx!
Jinx Jinx 10 years
Tell her to stop talking to you the way she does or you'll punch her in the mouth, and make sure you follow through. That should put an end to it! lol ~Procrastinate Now! Don't Put It Off~ (Ellen)
cubadog cubadog 10 years
You need to say something and if she is not all the receptive stop inviting her out with the group and as for what I am sure will be the on slaught of myabe she is an alcoholic only she can decided she has a problem and fix herself.
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