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Have I Lost Him?

"Have I Lost Him?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

This guy whom I've been going on dates with (effectively dating I suppose?) for the past month and I had the DTR talk last night. I had just gotten back from a long trip and, given how much I missed seeing him, thought this needed to be done. After telling him how I felt he said this: "You don't want me, I'm telling you now. I feel the same way about you, but I'm no good for anyone."

I told him I'd leave that door open. Nothing else was said on the subject, we went out and had some drinks then said our goodbyes. Today I'm upset about it. He is a young man supporting himself, his parents and a grandparent, all on his own. I knew that it frustrated him that we didn't see each other as much as he wanted us to, but I was okay with it, I understand that he's got a lot going on and I've been supportive. I guess I don't feel like this is the end even though my close friends whom I've told this too say it is. I don't know how I feel, except sad, I want to see him, but I don't want to make this hard on him either. I care very much about him, have I lost him?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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kitty-Witty kitty-Witty 5 years
why did you let him go without asking that why he wasn't good for anyone? you didn't say that you two had fight and i also guess that you didn't have fight with him. if you really care for him just call him and ask him what was wrong with him? may be he feels the same way you feel for him that's why he didn't want to share that matter if you get hurt. you didn't lose him.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
If you care for him you should definitely try to delve deeper into what's going on. It could be that he is behaving just as biwife said, pushing you away when he really wants you to tell him that you can move past his issues and be there for him. It could also be that he has something you don't know about yet. Either way, I think you are right to want more of an explanation. Good luck.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
no, of course you haven't lost him at this point. He's tried to push you away, what you have to do is go back and explain that you love him not just despite the detractors but because of those things. When I was first dealing with adjusting to my disability, I tried to push everyone away with similar phrases, but all I really wanted was for someone to say "I don't care what you think I should do, I'm going to love you!". Luckily my husband is just as stubborn, if not more so, than I am.
Jessica2428874 Jessica2428874 5 years
Yep, the old "It's not you, it's me" in its modern and more virulent form. I would try to figure out exactly why he thinks that. I do have a friend who has a brother with down syndrome and a father with MS, he's extremely close and responsible for them and turns down relationships for fear of burdening people. That really could be the case. On the other hand, you're entitled, since you went out on a limb and took the fall, at least to know why.
chibros chibros 5 years
You should have asked him why, what are the reasons why he's not good for anybody. Discuss things with him, you see, know if its what you can take, accept, understand, compromise or not. otherwise, know his intentions, maybe he doesn't want anything serious as you've let your cat out of the basket so he used the drop-off line.
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