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Have You Stayed In A Relationship Too Long Out Of Pity?

Sometimes you know the relationship is over, but it just seems too hard to make the cut. You really want to end things, but you hold on because you feel badly for being the one responsible for breaking the other person's heart.

Staying with someone only makes things worse. They can feel your distance and usually just wind up clinging closer to you. Even though we all know this, I still feel like we have all been guilty of this at some point or another. Have you?

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jeanneadele jeanneadele 8 years
I did stay. He was inconsiderate, and not a good boyfriend and I was all set to say "goodbye". Then his father had a near fatal heart attack, and his mother died while his father was in hospital! I didn't break up with him for almost a year. I don't regret it however. It was the right thing to do. Difficult yes, and the right thing to do.
vmruby vmruby 10 years
No it's not my style and it's a huge waste of time......
JK-Boogie JK-Boogie 10 years
I once stayed in a relationship too long because I was scared of being homeless.
Fancy04 Fancy04 10 years
It is not right at all.
honey31 honey31 10 years
A friend of mine dated a guy because she felt sorry for him and his daughter because his wife died lat year.She did not love him at all and she ended up breaking up with him.I feel sorry for the child because she grew attached to my friend and now she has lost another women that she looked up as a mother.
Brittany14706805 Brittany14706805 10 years
im currently in a relationship where ive been with my bf for almost 5years. Im 20 and some of the things that my bfs done sound like what you just said. Not all the time though. There has been verbal abuse and mental. Just recently he got mad at me and left me alone on Xmas! I was so upset and he never even got me nething. He says he will when he gets the extra money but who knows. Then when he has something planned with his friends like a party they are having that i can go to he doesnt even say nething if weve had a fight or nething. Just walks out the door and leaves for it and i never even know what hes doing where hes at etc.I dont even go out nemore and do nething stopped hanging out with friends long time ago. And worse is that i dont have my own car since i took care of him for so long and all my money was going on bills food etc. So now when he gets mad at me its like im at his mercy since i cant just go newhere and leave. He just acts like I owe everything i have to him even though if it werent for me when he was jobless all those times he wouldve never had a place to live. He did cheat on me around my graduation time, no sex but it was like him going over to her house a lot when her parents were gone. He told me they never had sex just made out etc which i believe but it happened over a few months time. this devasted me but i gave him another chance. That was 2 yrs ago, then recently i thought i was sick of everything and left him for another guy, but after only 2 days i was already feeling guilty and missing him. I came back he forgave me and were together now, that was couple months ago. But sometimes i dont know what to do i feel like i dont know what id do w/o him if i did leave him, but at other times i love him so much i dont think i could ever leave him. I have a love hate relationship and its very stressing at times.
Miami-Gal Miami-Gal 10 years
I didn't do it out of pity, but habit. I was with him six years, the last two were terrible...I moved out right before 911 because of the fighting and I was treated like crap from his kids and the dynamics of our relationship had gotten pretty bad, between rumors and a lot of strife, I didn't realize I was losing myself. We were going through the motions. He loved the respect being with me he got. We had problems because the rumors of his transgressions. The last year, he was so abusive mentally and verbally. He would pick fights to go out without me. I was a shell. I remember trying to make love with him, and my body just wasn't into it and remember thinking, get this over with fast. And then the last few months, I started imagining what I would do when we broke up. The thing is, I was beaten down and it was harder to just end it. I have been thrown out of the car in the middle of a ghetto (he's a firefighter and knows better), called every name in the book, been humiliated, and the rages of anger...OMG, if anyone knows what it is like to cry but on the inside, where you feel the tears running down your insides because you can't cry anymore, that is where I was. My spirit was dying. It ended when we had a fight at his house one night, and I went home in tears. I unpacked my bag and found this powdery rock in a little baggie the size of a gumball. I flushed it and called him...he had gone out. He called the next day saying he was "holding" some coke for a friend and I told him I flushed what I found. He flipped out telling me I flushed "uncut" coke down the toilet and screamed at me. I was initially devastated because of all the break ups in between, I knew making this stance which I never had done, this was it. My police friend told me it must have been worth over $1000 I flushed based on my description. I started to get mad, because I could have gotten pulled over, etc. I say I was devastated because even though he was so bad and I was fantasizing about it, it still was like someone was ripping out part of me. I found out shortly he had cheated on me almost the whole relationship, even once in our bed when I was traveling for work. I was shattered. Therapy and then I found a real good church. I can't tell you how hard I prayed for peace...just begged God it wouldn't take long to get over, I was drinking 6-8 beers a night, couldn't eat, it was bad. One day, approx. a month later, I woke and felt peace, amazing. I got ME back and I am convinced there was a divine intervention from God. Since, I've grown so much, and even had a relationship where I wisely ended something. I gave up on love and just didn't believe it, and last Christmas, I was alone and prayed about this and told God I was fine and it felt like a voice was talking to me inside telling me no, it will happen, in time. From that point, I've had an utterly amazing life in the past four years. I'm 36 now, and the things I have experienced, almost fairy tail like. I have met my match. Today is our 10 month anniversary and I can't tell you, I would go through all of that again. I've grown, have a stronger faith and met someone who treats me with respect and loves me and has helped me grow. I hope all of you that are in a bad position find this kind of happiness. And it takes time, and it will hurt, but everyone owes this to themselves to stay true, otherwise everyone will hurt, especially the ones holding back. I have this very good thing on self integrity and staying true to ourselves that is most excellent, only a page long. If anyone is interested, let me know. I don't know if they can publish this here because of copyright, but it is that good.
Deba Deba 10 years
I broke his heart... Im really sorry for that, the relationship was as death at it could be, but I knew he was totally in love with me and that we would do anything to be with me, but I just did not wanted to be with him... he started getting crazy because I was cold, bitchy (I wanted him to end up the relationship) but he would not do it because he thought I was going through a "phase"... that was it! I told him that we needed to break up because I was no longer in love and there was nothing he could do or I could try to figure out... I broke his heart.
Kickassita Kickassita 10 years's not an easy call.Been thinking about thins constanly for the past several months.Will probably take more time util I decide. I guess I want him to get back on his feet with the moral and job before I drop the bomb.Can't kick him when he's down. But thank you for your wishes.Means a lot to me.
PrincessLola PrincessLola 10 years
Awww. yeah that sucks. you know what, if you stay with him you're unhappy, :( if you leave him, you'll have a chance to start over- either in the US ... or maybe go home, pick up where you left off. I'm your friends will be happy to see you again and probably just feel left out. Best of luck, you'll get through this! xxx :) BringbackBrilson
Kickassita Kickassita 10 years
Yeah..there is one more thing..I'm european,and moved from my country to be with him.He is the only one I have here.I've lost almost all contact with my friends home..and no longer fit it.I guess they resent the fact that i chose him over them. Also this year will be out 3 rd wedding anniversary,and 3 years of marriage is what is required to get permanent residenship in this country.I don't want him thinking I used him for the green card... I just...oh, i get a lump in my throat just writing this.I feel like I owe him so much,and it basically makes me feel like dirt...I really don't know what to do..
PrincessLola PrincessLola 10 years
shame kickassista i really feel for you. Know what if you stay, it's just gonna get worse. he'll pick up on your sadness and it'll go against what you're trying to do, to keep him happy at all costs. :( Live for you, make the break. It'll hurt for a while but at least then you'll be happy. He will get over this! :) BringbackBrilson
Kickassita Kickassita 10 years
I am totally in this situation.I ve married young-too young.And he is much older than me. I love him, but it's more like 'I would do anything for him to be happy' not 'I am madly in love with him'. He s been at a low point for quite a while,and I am sustaining the marrige financially while having college on the side.I'm 25 and he's 40.He has been unemployed for over a year, and I feel I should get a chance to be my age.I don't want to be 40 and look back on my 20's regretting I wasted them. We've been together for so long I cannot imagine my life without him, but I am not sure if I want him in it as my husband..but more as my friend. I also know that a divorce would bring him on the edge.He constanly says how I am the best thing that ever happened to him,and how he loves me to death... I feel I am ready to move on..but...I can't bring myself to tell him that. I honestly though he would be the father of my children, and that we will be together forever...But he is not the man i fell in love with anymore..just a shadow of him,and..I am not happy...
missnomi missnomi 10 years
I am so bad at breaking up in time. In fact it's my new year's resolution not to carry on too long when I already know it's not going to work out for me. (Well in fact it's my NYR not to have a break-up at all but still...)
PrincessLola PrincessLola 10 years
I totally did that with my ex, we were together 5 years and I suppose the last 2 years I wasn't emotionally in the relationship. :( I dunno maybe I was just too young to see it was wrong from the start, but I also have chronic "People Pleaser" syndrome which sucks because I just CAN'T hurt people. but I also am so glad I finally DID break up with him or I would never have gotten together with my fiance, the absolute best, sweetest hottest guy ever. :) BringbackBrilson
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 10 years
HUGE mistake! I did it and I wish I wouldn't have. Not only did it prolonge the break-up (and mentally FEEL like I was breaking up for about 2 years), it taints the good memories I have with that person :(
Marci Marci 10 years
I stayed because my 10 year old goddaughter heard me telling her mother that I was probably going to end the relationship and she screamed that I'd better not do that because he was probably my last chance. I had just turned 30 so she definitely struck a nerve! But also, all my friends kept saying everyone feels that way sometimes and that it would pass and the old feelings would come back. But I knew deep down it wasn't going to pass and just made myself miserable by staying, not to mention that it really wasn't fair to the guy.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
no. as some of you may have noticed i don't really gloss over my feelings.
DesignRchic DesignRchic 10 years
sorry I misspelled the quote...corrected: " If he never changed, would you love him the same?"
DesignRchic DesignRchic 10 years
Yea, But only because he was genuinely a really nice guy. I tried to help him, but then my BF asked me "If he never changed, you'd you love him the same?" And I couldn't answer that so I had to break up with him. But now he's got a great girlfriend, and I've got an amazing husband, and we're both happy. Never settle for less ladies! ;)
brown-sugar brown-sugar 10 years
I've done that and had it done to me. Never again though!
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 10 years
I stayed in a relationship that was obviously not healthy for me...I'm so glad that I FINALLY ended it, or I would have never met my husband...
LaLaLola LaLaLola 10 years
Yeah, people kept saying "Oh he would be DEVASTATED if you guys split" So not wanting to 'devastate' him I stayed, but it only made things worse
lolak lolak 10 years
No, but I was too young when I was breaking up with people, had too many guys around me and it was too easy to move on.
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 10 years
Never-not my style.
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