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He's Always Unavailable

"He's Mr. Unavailable Again"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I met this guy online several years ago. We dated and had a long-distance relationship. Three years into the relationship, I was ready to relocate to his town. As soon as I started getting interviews in his town, he started saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that maybe 10 years down the road we could live in the same state. I found out he was cheating, forgave him and wanted to try counseling. But he didn't want to try counseling and broke up with me when it should have been the other way around.

I took an entire year to heal from this relationship from hell. I read a lot of self help books and started activities that I enjoyed to rebuild my self esteem. Then I decided to get back in the dating game and met an awesome man on a dating site who lived close to me. He opened doors and was nothing but a pure gentleman. We waited until three months into our relationship before becoming physical. I was so very happy with this new man and felt like what we had was special. We became intimate for the second time and afterwards he said, "I am afraid to be a boyfriend. I am not ready for a relationship. Can we just be friends?" I became furious and said some very nasty things to him. After I had cooled down, I apologized and wanted to sit down to discuss why I had been so hurt and upset. But he would not accept any form of an apology from me and refused to speak to me.

I've done everything right this time by taking the opportunity to get to know him before jumping into a relationship. I prayed over it and gave everything thoughtful contemplation. Yet things still didn't work out, and I feel like I have lost for the second time because he broke up with me when I did nothing to warrant it. I am not an emotionally unavailable woman and do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. I am hurt and frustrated that guys seem so available until the moment that they have had me. What can I do to prevent this from happening. I asked all the right questions and got "yes I want to be with you." Once he had me, I was no longer interesting!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice.

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Eileen14518736 Eileen14518736 4 years
Hello Tara, My name is Eileen and i would like to share a few words with you. I know how hurtful it can be when a relationship doesn't work out and you begin to wonder if you are the one wrong or at fault but let me tell you that is not the case. It sounds like you are doing the right things by putting yourself out there. At the same time that is the risk you will find men that seem interested and then back away. The main reason why they do that is that they themselves are not ready. There is no real way to act or do things when starting a relationship the best way is to be yourself and to find someone that loves you for you. Now i know it may seem like you tried that and it didn't work but you know what? That's OK if it doesn't it just means they were not the one for you. in that case i like to use the term "shit happens" you tried your best put your all and if he doesn't reciprocate then they aren't worth YOUR TIME. You want to find someone worth your time and your efforts and to give you want you need and want out of a relationship. Dating is exhausting and sometimes I think its better to be single. Only so that you can feel comfortable in your own skin and maybe then the right guy will come along. The best advice i can give you is not to stop trying trust me. I know that giving your time and effort can seem pointless when this happens but it will be worth it when the right one comes along. :)
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