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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Dear Sugar
My friend and her boyfriend broke up after only a few months of dating. Her boyfriend and I had been friends for years before my girlfriend met him and we have always secretly been interested in each other. After they broke up, he confronted me with his feelings and I was caught completely off guard. I am a very loyal friend and would never want to hurt her.

After trying to pick up my friendship again with my guy friend, it just wasn't the same. I couldn't stop thinking about him as more than a friend, but I felt torn because I knew that acting on these feelings was wrong. I kept my thoughts about him to myself for a long time, but then out of nowhere, he and my friend got back together.

I am very confused because now I am stuck feeling hurt, sad and lonely. I regret not jumping on my chance to be with this guy. I know that we could be very happy together. DearSugar, is it too late for us? Did I miss my one opportunity to be with him? Passed Up Penelope

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Passed Up Penelope
You sound very loyal to your girlfriend so if you don't want to hurt her, I think you know the answer to this one. Why did they break up the first time? Have you talked to your friend's guy since they got back together? Do you think he could only be with her because you weren't ready to make a commitment to him?

Do you think he still has feelings for you? Do you think he only wanted to be with you because it didn't work out with him and your best friend? These are all valid questions that need answers before you have to choose between your best friend and a potential boyfriend.

This is a very touchy subject so you are going to have to feel out both parties. You need to ask yourself if you really like this guy or if you just have a bruised ego that he chose your gal pal over you. Remember the reason why you passed him up in the first place and hopefully time will help you see more clearly.

Join The Conversation
Honeychild Honeychild 10 years
OH this is a tough one girl. Well first I would try to build back your friendship with him. Make some casual calls and chat for a bit like you normally would. Then when things are on the right track ask him if he is happy being back with your friend and ask how things are with them. Why did they break up in the first place? But before you drive yourself crazy think about the situation. If he does in fact still has those feelings for you, are you willing to risk ruining your friendship with this girl? Did you only decide you wanted to give it a try after-they got back together? I would call him to meet up and get some coffee(something casual). Even though he may not mention how he feels about you his body language will undeniably tell you the truth.
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