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This or That: He Thinks You're Not Too Smart or Not So Pretty?

This or That: He Thinks You're Not Too Smart or Not So Pretty?

Out to dinner and drinks with friends, you meet a group of guys that seem really cool. They chat you up at your table for a bit, and you find yourself flirting with one in particular. They head back to the restaurant bar and you and your girlfriends finish your meal. You get up to use the restroom and decide to pass behind them on your way, only to catch the one you had your eye on talking about you with his friends. Would it be worse if you overheard him say that . . .

This: You're really beautiful but don’t seem to have much to say? He may like to look at you, but now you know he won’t be flirting with you because he’s interested in your personality.

Or . . .

That: He thinks you're amazing to talk to, but as far as looks go, you’re just not doing it for him? You know you’re probably just not his type appearance-wise, but still, it hurts.

Which is worse?


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keiraz keiraz 9 years
highsociety, same here!
highsociety1 highsociety1 9 years
gar! T'would be much more disturbing to hear someone say I'm not attractive, since I know I'm well above average in intelligence. It would blow my mind to hear someone say I wasn't pretty though, because my entire life I've never heard anything other than how gorgeous, beautiful, stunning, etc. I am. I'd have to check him for cataracts!
heartlebug21 heartlebug21 9 years
As shallow as it sounds, it would be worse if he thought I was ugly. I know I'm pretty intelligent, so if he thought I was stupid I'd think it was just something about him- however, I have a lot of issues with my appearance so a negative comment about how I look would hurt me more.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I'm undecided. In my book, they're both equally bad. But honestly, I think I'm pretty strong in both departments. On top of that, I'm creative and artistic, and I have a good heart. I think I would be hard-pressed to find a man who would make either comments about me.
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 9 years
Both would hurt- I won't lie. But to hear that I was dumb would hurt more. Either way, I'd write him off. But, I'd dick with his mind first. Shallow jerks like that need to be taught a lesson, and I'd teach it hard.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 9 years
I know I'm smart, so it wouldn't really bother me to hear otherwise. But to hear that I wasn't pretty enough would really hurt my feelings.
michelle-c42934 michelle-c42934 9 years
This, first judgements are about looks. I'm more confident about my brain then my looks
jJuliet jJuliet 9 years
I honestly wouldn't care what some random guy thought. I know I am decent-looking, if I put a little effort into my clothes and makeup, I can look pretty good. I am definitely book-smart, but I only get involved in conversations if I am genuinely interested in the topic. If someone judges me based on how much I was talking in the five minutes I have known them, then starts talking about me behind my back, why would I value that person's opinion anyway?
emalove emalove 9 years
Both would make me feel hurt and I would avoid him for the rest of the night.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
I heard this on cosmo radio this morning! Id def rather be considered "not smart enough" than "not pretty enough". But then again I know for sure that I have the brains, the jurys still out on whether I consider myself pretty or not ;)
gummybears123 gummybears123 9 years
the second option would definitely hurt more. i can work on my conversation but what i look like is what i look like.
livyourlife livyourlife 9 years
I'm confident in my own intelligence, so it doesn't really bother me if others see that or if they don't. I do have a tendency to make dumb sounding comments though, and some people probably write me off for that. I'm not at all confident in the looks department, so it would hurt me a lot more to be written off as plain or ugly.
smp7328 smp7328 9 years
The intelligence comment wouldn't bother me, but whether or not I was attrative would really hurt. I am way too self conscious for things like that to not bother me.
heineken67 heineken67 9 years
I would rather hear that he thought I was dumb. I'm a bit reserved at first, and can be nervous and even silly when meeting new people. His opinion would surely change once we talked more. Plus it would mean that he's looking for someone who is more than a pretty face (Unless he's the snobby surgeon type who thinks doctors in other specialties aren't as smart). If I had heard him say he thought I wasn't pretty enough, that would make him shallow and not worth my time.
geebers geebers 9 years
I know a lot of smart dumb-sounding girls too - and I am SURE many people think I am one of them. As confident as I am, a blow to my looks is worse than a blow to my intelligence. 5 minutes doesnt bother me. I know I am smart and capable and successful so having some random guy say he thinks I am dumb would not bother me at all. I think calling me unattractive would sting (but again, Id get over it)
Sydney-C Sydney-C 9 years
Yep, smart dumb-sounding girl right here...the "I'm not so pretty" comment would definitely sting more for me.
Bookish Bookish 9 years
If I heard a guy say either about me, it would kill any attraction to him I may have had. There wouldn't be any point in proving my intelligence or amping up my attractiveness, because he wouldn't be worth my time.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I wouldn't take the smarts comment too badly. I mean you're at a bar how can you REALLY show someone how smart you are in that setting with your friends.
sldc sldc 9 years
As a late bloomer, I have heard both. As a preteen/teen eccentric nerd, who looked way younger than my age, had braces and wore very plain and modest clothing, I heard boys comment that I was not cute. I felt fairly invisible, except amongst the super nerdy boys. Once I did bloom (about the age of 21), most people confused me for a sorority girl and along with it came the assumptions that I was dumb. I will admit to being blonde, flighty, and absent-minded, but I am no dummy. Both hurt a little, but at least I can prove I am intelligent. I wish I had the self-esteem to just not care either way.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
i'd rather he thought i wasn't too bright...because he was only talking to me for a couple of minutes...i know i AM bright, and he will eventually learn that with time, if he takes a moment to notice in further encounters with other people, i'd like to know i was good looking, as that is what first attracts a person...i know i am smart enough/have a good personality to carry on a relationship
alliallialli alliallialli 9 years
I voted that I'd rather be considered smart, but I'm not sure if that was totally honest. Now that I think of it, I suppose it would be easier to deal with hearing him say I wasn't very bright... That would just be an oversight on his part.
avettafawna avettafawna 9 years
I'm pretty confident in my own intelligence, so if anyone ever says or implies that I'm stupid I fairly quickly write them off as a pig-headed moron. However, I probably spend a lot more time than I should assuming that I'm not attractive enough for certain guys, so if a dude I was trying to flirt with confirmed this fear I'd probably be really hurt.
indielove indielove 9 years
I'm with you, Jude!
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
I had a guy or two in middle school tell me I wasn't attractive, but I was smart. I felt it hurt a lot coming from the "hot guys" because they dated dumb girls who weren't even attractive, but slutty, so deemed "hot." Plus, I've never felt the sting of being called dumb, and even if I had, I probably would have acknowledged it was a "dumb moment" and moved on.
petite42 petite42 9 years
#2 would be worse. With #1, he never said I was stupid - he just said I didn't have much to say!
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