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Help Picking Bridesmaids

"Who Should I Pick For My Bridesmaids?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm having a very hard time deciding who I would like to pick to be my bridesmaids for my wedding next year. I decided a long time ago that I wanted my best friend of almost 20 years (we met in the second grade) to be my maid of honor since I don't have a sister. I want my fiancé's family to feel a part of the wedding so I would like the youngest of his two sisters (his oldest sister has health and knee problems) to be a bridesmaid, but she has two young boys so I am not sure if she will be able to.

I would like to ask one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid but I am torn between two. One is a year older than me and we were close when we were children but her parents got divorced and I didn't see her again until our late teens. The other cousin is, I think, four years older than me. I don't really get along with her. I used to when I was younger but she recently became very rude and distant towards everyone in our family, including her mom and brother. Why I would want to pick her to be a bridesmaid is because I saw that she was mildly upset when none of our cousins (I have a big family) have ever asked her to be a bridesmaid in their weddings.


Now what I was thinking is that I can choose all of the four that I said and that that would be fine, but I had mentioned to my fiancé that I was maybe thinking of asking his friend/roommate to be a bridesmaid. They started living together a few months after he and I started dating and she had recently started dating someone around the same time we did. I didn't want to come off as overly jealous so I didn't say that I was opposed to the idea of them living together. And, really, I wasn't/am not. I learned early on in our relationship that he is trustworthy. I do, however, feel jealous of her. She is nice but we've never had a real conversation. Whenever I'm at their apartment, she's either at work, out with her boyfriend, or in her bedroom and gives us our privacy. I appreciate that but I would like to have a friendship with her. It's almost been a year since they have been living together and I still only see her as an acquaintance rather than a friend. Why am I jealous of her? She's skinnier than I am, (in my opinion) prettier, good sense of style, more confident. I'm almost 27 and still don't know how to put on makeup, except for simple stuff like eye shadow, lipstick/gloss, powder, and foundation. After thinking about all of these things, I started thinking that maybe I don't want her to be a bridesmaid because I don't want to have to feel as if I'm competing against someone at my wedding. Well, I just found out that my fiancé told her that I might ask her to be a bridesmaid, and that if I didn't for her to act as if he had never told her that. So now I feel obligated to ask her to be a bridesmaid.

What should I do? Should I ask my fiancé's roommate or should I ask my two cousins?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Image Source: Thinkstock
GZO GZO 5 years
Since your guy already told her, you could just say that you are avoiding drama and only having one bridesmaid, or only family for bridesmaids. I really don't understand why you would even consider your BF's roommate to begin with when you don't even know her AND are jealous of her. Then your random cousins that you don't even know too well or really even get along with...? There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding party.
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
don't pick the roomate of your man.  if she makes you feel bad about yourself when she's around, you don't want that in the planning and all.  i had 2 attendants and a flower girl.  i didn't ask SIL's or girls to fill a space.  i had the 2 girls that were really close to me and that i had shared the most with.  the weddings i've been in with the most brides maids have had the most drama. sometimes simple is nice.
nicole121482 nicole121482 5 years
I agree with what other readers have written, it sounds to me like you are picking pretty random people to be in your wedding.  I would pick the gals that I was closest to, not the ones I want to build a relationship with.  Being a bridesmaid is a big responsibiltiy and one that only your nearest and dearest should have to shoulder.  Plus, the closer you are, the more fun you will all have together.  Stop calculating who to pick and just choose your BFFs.
amvck amvck 5 years
amvck amvck 5 years
I agree with the comments that have already be posted. Only ask those who mean a lot to you or who are close to both of you. Don't bother asking anyone you're jealous of or if you feel obligated. You want to look back and remember those standing next to you and be happy about it. 
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Just a quick suggestion.....if you want to have a friendship with the lady, and she has a skill, like makeup that you admire, why not ask her for her help with that. Ask her to teach you her tips and tricks and skills, now, so that you can practice for the big day, and give you two somewhere to start having some time together to know each other, and maybe develop that friendship.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
The wedding is all about you and your fiance and the people you have standing next to you should be there because you feel they are important to you.  It doesn't sound like your cousins or the roommate are really who you want to be in the wedding, you seem to feel obligated.  You are going to remember this day for the rest of your life and you want to enjoy every second.  Don't choose anyone who you feel could get in the way of your happiness on that day. 
Silje Silje 5 years
I think you should ask your best friend, and then no one else unless you really want to ask them. Don't ask any of them just because you feel like you have to. It's your and your future husband's day, and the people who doesn't like the way you choose to celebrate it can mind their own business. 
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
I agree with the others. Sounds like you have one bestie, and that's good enough. I like the idea of his sisters. Except if you ask the sisters (very smart family bonding move!) ask the oldest sister to be a bridesmaid too. If she can't walk down the aisle she can roll in a wheelchair. But excluding her you're setting up a world of pain for her, her mother, and her sisters. Please don't do that. Tell her you'll accommodate her trip down the aisle however she feels comfortable but you want her there! Your finance will love you for it too.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
totally agree with Cherry your bridal party should be your closest friends/relatives that are going to help you get through the planning and execution of your wedding day. it's not just about who's going to stand next to you in the pictures, you need people to help you taste cakes, pick out invitations, etc, not to mention the moral support you're going to need. It's exhausting and stressful to put together a wedding these days, so you need your best girls by your side to make it special and not completely lose your mind in the process.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
dear god. don't ask someone to be a bridesmaid who is not your friend and of whom you are jealous. don't ask the cousin you don't like. Just ask the cousin you like. all the other pieces sound like a recipe for disaster. Don't you have any friends you can ask? You will be relying on your bridesmaids a lot over the coming months, and you need people who are dependable and who you know well.
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