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The How-To Lounge: Being Attracted to the Right Type

For whatever reason, most of us continually find ourselves attracted to a certain type of person. Sometimes you don’t even notice it, but you can usually find a common thread that runs throughout your past partners and love interests. Unfortunately, because of this strange phenomenon, many people end up dating the wrong guys over and over again. The only way to break this cycle is to make a conscious effort to change; to learn how


  • First of all, determine what your type really is. Are you attracted to guys who are innately selfish or who are looking for a girlfriend willing to be their second mother? If you’ve had a bad string of relationships, sit down and closely examine what they all had in common and go from there.
  • Once you’ve determined the “what,” start working on the “why.” Consider what about that particular kind of person is appealing to you. For many women, the belief that they can change someone is a huge part of the attraction.
  • Now that you’ve located exactly what it is that you need to stay away from and why you’re so drawn to it in the first place, you can really start working to change things by examining each encounter with a potential date closely. Pinpoint exactly where your attraction is coming from. As hard as it may be, if it feels like your usual pattern, you have to just walk away.
  • Often when we’re starting to date someone new, we focus on the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling more than we should. That feeling is important, but it shouldn’t be the only thing you rely on. Start digging deeper right in the beginning; what else does he have to offer you besides that initial attraction?
  • Give a new kind of guy the benefit of the doubt. Instead of writing him off, start taking note of the things you do like about him. This doesn’t mean you have to force something that isn’t there, but it’s great practice for retraining your mind to look for the attributes that you want to start going for.


Join The Conversation
Karma87 Karma87 9 years
I flirted a lot with my now-husband of 19 months, but waaay back when we first met, 25 years ago. He is 6'2", 230 lbs. and has enormous shoulders and a huge neck, and no love handles, a tight stomach, thighs bigger than mine, rock solid(I was so happy, I have big thighs!), dark thick hair, and brown eyes. He is without a doubt the standard for "interesting" men my entire adult life...none ever could compete with him. Now he's mine, all mine, til we croak. Couldn't be happier. He's my type alright, he's the prototype of my type! I also tell him he's genetically superior, and this comment never fails to make him smirk.
mnp mnp 9 years
I'm attracted to the metrosexuals. I can't seem to help it. And, usually metrosexuals are the vainest bunch of s.o.b.'s. UGH.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I don't really like a certain "type."
missbanana missbanana 9 years
i always found that i was attracted to older guys with more experience. they would be 5-7 years older. i dunno. i guess i like older men?
pink-elephant pink-elephant 9 years
I tend to date the punk guys/bad boys often without even noticing it at first.. some of them end up being jerks though. I guess I go for that because I'm the total opposite and I try and find someone to balance me out, It's so weird.
lms lms 9 years
I definitely have a type. I used to always date the pretty men who could get any woman that they wanted. Then twice I dated "average" guys. I was so not into those guys. It was weird b/c they seemed to worship me to the point of it being annoying. My hubby is a good blend..he is really good looking but has his "nerdy" moments.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I don't have a type at all. I can't find any kind of similarities from looks to personality to hobbies or even things the guys like to do.
AmyLyn AmyLyn 9 years
I always went for guys who were not serious about me or who were emotionally unavailable. I think this was because deep down I wasn't really ready to commit to anyone in the first place. Now that I've dealt with a lot of my issues I'm in a place where I can really give myself to someone else, I seem to attract men who are interested in a future now!
Tullia Tullia 9 years
well..I am def. attracted to dorky guys, but thats not a bad thing right? I think it comes from the fact that my dad was a dorky music guy in a band, and I love my dad so thats the source of this weird attraction. :P
Greentea1203 Greentea1203 9 years
In the past I've definitely had a "type"--I've had 2 long term relationships with total a-holes. I finally took a look the type of guys I was attracted to and went for one that was the complete opposite. Now I finally realize what a good boyfriend is!
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