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The How-To Lounge: Being Ready for an Engagement

I've been getting many questions from women who are frustrated that they are still waiting for their boyfriend to pop the question. While hearing a bunch of engagement stories are sure to make you green with envy if you're waiting for your man to get down on bended knee, it's important to be sure you're actually ready to take that next step.

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  • Make sure you're getting engaged for the right reasons -- not because you feel like an engagement is the next step, because you want the ring or that you will be relieved to have a fiance, but rather because you want to live the rest of your life with this man who you love and adore
  • Be sure you are at the same place in your relationship. Sometimes one half of the couple gets pressured to take the plunge despite not being ready which will in turn, only cause resentment or make for a very bumpy road ahead
  • Be sure you have the same views on money, kids, gender roles at home, house guests, alone time, leading a healthy lifestyle, fighting, drinking, religious beliefs, in-laws, friends, etc.
  • Make sure your sexual needs are compatible. You both have to be satisfied between the sheets, or at least comfortable talking about your desires and wants in order to be in a happy, satisfying marriage

Respecting each other is the most important factor to consider before getting engaged. Learning how to listen and really hear each other takes work, so if you are both willing to put forth all the effort and time into making your relationship better and better, then by all means, say yes! Good luck!


Join The Conversation
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree. Too many women are ready to take the plunge when their guy is no where near the same place they are. Women forget that men cannot read minds or take little hints. A couple needs to sit down and talk one of one about their goals - at least for the next 10 years.
reese05 reese05 10 years
it's better to wait than regret it...
wholesome wholesome 10 years
How sweet .... It is worth to wait!!
juju4 juju4 10 years
My husband and I dated for 6 1/2 years before he popped the question. It was perfect timing to me, because during those early years I was really working hard on my career and needed to know that I could be a little selfish if I had to. I wasn't at the point in my life where I could be a good partner in a marriage. By the time we were engaged though, and by the actual wedding, we simply couldn't wait to be man and wife! He still makes me giddy.
wholesome wholesome 10 years
this is interesting.!!!now i know.
c0rkie c0rkie 10 years
thank you for this. i swear everybody and their mothers are engaged in my life. eeek!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
it's different for everybody. if it's about being married for you and you were raised to believe that marriage is the ultimate commitment then you are entitled to want that and go after it. i firmly believe that once you and your partner are finished with your educations and established in your careers there is no more reason to wait. as for saving up to throw a big party to celebrate it; please. it's the marriage that matters not the wedding. consider all the other things you could do with that money. getting into a house, paying off your mortgage or saving for a rainy day are better long term investments that a 1 day party.
McSquish McSquish 10 years
Wow girls, all your comments were very helpful. I've just been pondering over this very thing. I've been with my guy for four years now and I've been waiting, waiting, waiting and I'm coming to the "harsh" reality that it's *not* about the ring, or the rush or the party, it's about the relationship. I'm glad I can see (before rushing) that getting married is not the fix to our relationship whoas. I know, I know, I live in a fantasy land, I watched Disney movies, but it's better late than never to know this. So I'm sure, when we both *really* are ready, it will be as magical as it should be, but right now it's time to have fun and work on our things because as everyone mentioned, it takes a lot of work to make things work.
paulinhadrp paulinhadrp 10 years
Love and respect are the most important things for a relationship or marriage to work. Always. I don't think you should be twins and agree 100% in everything, as long as you can work differences out and leverage each other's visions and needs.
fab4 fab4 10 years
I'm one of those that is ready and waiting!!
princess_eab princess_eab 10 years
Yeah, I think the rush to marriage is not for everyone. I'm glad we can all take our time now deciding and being absolutely sure unlike our grandmothers. I'd be miserable if I'd married my college beau...
katie225 katie225 10 years
well, i happen to think that love is more important than marriage, not the other way around. i don't ever HAVE to get married because my love, respect, and commitment to my significant other is worth more to me than a marriage. a marriage doesn't mean anything if these things aren't there! marriage is the RESULT of these things happening, not the first step in a relationship. i know that we are both committed to each other for life, and i don't NEED a ring to prove it! however, i'm a girl who can't resist a great party and a pretty white dress, so when he asks i'll definitely say yes. i just feel like if you're meant to be together for the rest of your lives, then marriage doesn't make a difference. that's why i hate it when people get married young. they always say, "well, we love each other and we know, so why wait?" why wait? how about you want to have enough money and be stable enough in your careers to make that money so that you can throw an awesome party for your family! lol
labador labador 10 years
Again, what if everything is in line--financial security, you've dated for years, you're in your 30s, and he still is stalling? At 31 and five years of dating, I can't be classified as having been in a rush. But there's only so much more time I want to wait. I love him, and I know he loves me, but I can't wait for him any longer.
iheartjustin iheartjustin 10 years
Hope I don't offend anybody with my post b/c it's of a religious connotation: My pastor's sermon the other day was about the first steps in getting married/engaged. He said, "you don't marry the one you love, but you love the one you marry." In other words, there will be many people in your life that you come to love, but it doesn't mean you should marry that person. Your heart is meant to love people i.e. your family and friends, so it's only natural to love your significant other, though it doesn't mean that you are meant to be together for ever.
kendallina kendallina 10 years
I totally agree with all of this. My ex-fiance (notice the "ex") proposed this past February. I really could not believe he proposed because we had only been dating for a few months, but it felt right at the time. My mind changed completely after five months of being engaged and living together and I broke it off with him completely and moved out on my own. I realize that I let the ring get the best of me and should have been realistic about the whole situation. I was only 22 at the time and I always said I'd wait to be engaged and married. My fiance wanted to rush right into it. Now, I'm living on my own for the first time and I love it, I am going back to school, etc., all things that I do not think would have been possible if I had rushed into marriage. Now, I cannot wait to wait being proposed too. I have all the time in the world!
cravinsugar cravinsugar 10 years
I agree with this too. While I am on the waiting end of this scenario, I know that when it happens it will be the right time, and I feel like I am falling more in love with my boyf everyday. when it happens, I will be so excited! and so will he!
Pink_Lipstick Pink_Lipstick 10 years
I definitely agree with this. Too many women are in a rush to get married. I got engaged after being friends with my fiance` first, for over a year. Then we started dating and got engaged 8 months later. I knew him like the back of my hand and vice-versa. I have a friend that got married last year after knowing the guy for a little over half a year and she still doesn't know what kind of foods her husband likes. They fight about money all the time because she didn't care about any of the important, serious stuff before they got married.
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