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The How-To Lounge: Choosing your Wedding Party

Choosing your wedding party sure can be a daunting task. While it would be nice to have all your friends and family stand up for you on your special day, a large wedding party is bound to take away from the bride and groom. Check out my tips on how to choose your wedding party.

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  • It is a special honor to be a part of a wedding party and the bride and groom usually ask their best friends and closest family members to stand up for them on their wedding day
  • Bridal parties can range anywhere from one attendant on each side to over a dozen, but it is important to consider how many guests will be attending your wedding before choosing your wedding party
  • Most brides and grooms have a maid of honor and a best man, the most honored role a friend or family member can play in a wedding. Typically there is one maid/matron of honor and one best man, but it is not out of the question to have more than one
  • Most often, every bridesmaid has a corresponding groomsmen, but that is more for symmetry than anything else. It is not the end of the world if you have uneven numbers standing beside you
  • Your bridesmaids do not necessarily have to be all women, and vice versa
  • Many women feel obligated to ask friends to be in their wedding because they were in theirs, or a distant cousin just because they are family, but weddings are no time for restitution. Ask the people closest to you
  • Before asking your potential wedding party to participate, think about what you will be expecting from them. Wedding planning should be as stress free as possible, so don't choose a friend or family member who will be more trouble than help
  • If you wish to keep your wedding party small or are stuck deciding between four friends for only two spots in your bridal party, remember there are many other roles your friends and family could play on your special day
  • Once you have made your decisions, let your attendants know ASAP. You won't want any friends or family members to be assuming they are in your wedding when they are in fact not

I hope these tips will help you when determining your wedding party. This process can be somewhat stressful, so listen to your gut instincts and limit your attendants to the closest people to you and your soon to be hubby.


SeaAre86 SeaAre86 10 years
I'm planning on having 5 attendants. I know it's a lot, but I picked: My future sister in laws, who are both close to my age and I get along really well with. One is married to my fiance's brother and the other is his little sister who is 16 now. My lifelong friend who Ive known since I was 10. My roommate and best friend since high school. and my neighbor who I grew up with. It was really hard to pick. I love all these girls, and there was no pressure to include any of them, so I feel like it's the perfect choice for me. :)
leahshae leahshae 10 years
Sorry I meant best friend not from. No sleep this week.
leahshae leahshae 10 years
This can be a super stressful decision... I'm getting married in 2 days and this was a tough decision. I went with my best from as MOH and 3 close friends as bridesmaids, I had a tough time choosing the 3 BMs because I am blessed with lots of good friends. I picked my best friend from HS/college who is coming in from 8 hours away (with her hubby and 4 kids - that's friendship right there folks), and 2 good friends from college. One has been a total pain though, has not helped with or been happy with anything, and I have another friend who was very sad not to be in the wedding - I wish I'd picked her. It would have meant more to her and been more pleasant for me and my MOH who has done everything possible to help me. =(
Lucky-Penny Lucky-Penny 10 years
It is really hard, we asked our sisters & our friends who introduced us.
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
My sister and her husband each had one person stand up with them, it was really low key and everyone was happy! My boyfriend and I plan on doing something similar when the time comes, probably one or two people standing up with each of us. Luckily we agree that we both want a small family wedding with only our closest friends and family, we don't want to break the bank for one day!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
every time i see a wedding party with more than 6 attendents on either side i cringe. seriously, all in matching outfits (drill team much) there in what ever dress the brife demands (it's MY special day!), like some grade school tea party on acid.
katie225 katie225 10 years
i feel the exact same way, popgoestheworld!
rkdub rkdub 10 years
I was a best man once!!! My best friend in high school (and now really) is a guy, and when he got married I got to be a best man (there were three... everyone got to be a best man... but still...) I thought that was rather entertaining!!! I wore this killer red dress and the bride has a male best friend, so he was the maid of honor!!!
a-gentle-rain a-gentle-rain 10 years
Weddings are YOUR big day, not your mom's or your great aunt Tilly's or you soon to be sister-in-law's. Remember to have your wedding be how you want it. Understand that dif ppl have dif tastes, so try to be nice with the menu. Other than that, your choice. Don't sacrifice what you want because you were pressured into/out of it.
andaman andaman 10 years
sounds lovely to me popgoestheworld!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I want super low key wedding with only family and very very close friends. If I had them all stand up with me, there would be no one in the audience! :) So I think I'll probably pass on the whole wedding party thing.
andaman andaman 10 years
It's all about the rest of your lives together not about the ceremony :)
andaman andaman 10 years
I think a lot of people spend silly money on weddings though. Sorry to be the boring sensible one but i think a low key event can be just as lovely. You know a reception where guests eat from an open grilled space and drink from pastic cups with a lovely band playing in the background (the lead singer might happen to be your best friend or your cousin). I like down to earth parties!
katie225 katie225 10 years
i don't want to have a wedding party. is that a faux pas? (not that i'm getting married anytime soon.) i hate the idea of just having someone stand there in a matching dress. what a waste of money!
LaLaLaurie06 LaLaLaurie06 10 years
What to do if you have recently moved away to a different state and all your friends are back in your home state? And you have no close friends in the new state where your boyfriend/fiance's family lives and the wedding will more than likely take place? I read somewhere not to ask people who are out of town b/c that is just more trouble than necessary. But...that's a dilemma that has been haunting me.
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