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The How-To Lounge: Dealing With an Ex

Having an ex can be incredibly hard, especially if one party still has feelings for the other, but let's face it, we all have a past so here are some tips on how to remain civil to each other after a break up. Click here to

  • Avoid one more time get togethers, drunk dialing, and especially break up sex. It will just confuse the relationship and prolong getting over each other.
  • When you break up, make sure nothing is left unsaid and get the closure you need, just make sure you don't use getting that closure as an excuse to see each other.
  • Even if your breakup wasn't amicable, try to avoid bad mouthing your ex. When one person starts slandering the other, he or she will no doubt rebut which could start a war.
  • When you unexpectedly run into an ex, handle it gracefully. Instead of acting like a high-schooler, be cordial, smile, say hello, and move on. Acting like a child or being overly fake and nice won't do any good either.
  • If you start dating someone before your ex, don't gloat. Rubbing your new relationship in the face of your ex will only hurt his or her feelings and make your relationship sound unjust.

After a break up it's easy to want to hold on for dear life, but if it's over, it's over so a clean break will be a more healthy way to sever your ties, no matter how badly it hurts. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
Marseeah Marseeah 9 years
I talk to a lot of my exes... we actually have good relationships - one of my exes was at my wedding, very amicably, and his girlfriend just called me to say that they were getting married and to invite me. BUT. All my exes and I took at least 18 months before we even wanted to talk or be friends again. You need a huge cooling off period - and then you can get over the sex and whatever made you break up, and remember why you liked each other in the past, and just be friends.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
That sounds scary minaminamina!
minaminamina minaminamina 9 years
I've always been on good terms with my exes, but recently, one of my boyfriends exes has been really pushing me as far as my good will goes. They were never in a relationship - he dated this girl for 2 weeks - and that was 2 years ago! But now she's super nice to my face, and behind our backs went into his e-mail accounts and sent out a naughty e-mail I had sent my boyfriend to his family, friends, and coworkers. I'm humiliated - though his family and friends assumed it was faked (thank goodness!), and have no idea why this girl would do this to me, since I didn't even know her back then. We don't flaunt our relationship at her, and he doesn't even speak to her anymore, but really hurt me and him by doing this! Not to mention, she claims he had proposed to her back when they dated, and her own friends have approached my boyfriend and I saying, "she's crazy- I'm so sorry, she's completely crazy and you need to be careful." Any advice on how to handle this? She's still nice to my face after having done this, and while I've politely ignored her, all I really want to do is THROTTLE the woman!! I'm honestly scared of her, and am afraid she'll do something else to hurt me just for dating a man she could never be with.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Oh i ended it nicely with all my exes..still wouldnt talk to them. It helps that none of them still live here.
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 9 years
haha i so agree with the drunk dialing. i was soo bad at that.. i am only friends with one of my exs and we dated almost 6 years ago... the other ones i wish would drop off the face of the earth just bc they were slimy human beings and we don't need any more of them living
MrDPember MrDPember 9 years
Nikodarling, you said it perfectly. I tried being friends with my ex and he made it seem like he was going along with it but in reality, he was not "playing nice" and he burned me REALLY badly. Twice at that! Still, and I hate admitting this because it makes me feel pathetic, but if he came back wanting to be friends I would have open arms and forgive him. Not trust him...forgive him. He is my first love...guess I have a big old huge soft spot for the guy. : (
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
I am actually in the process of trying to figure all of this out now. I broke up w/ him about 7 months ago and I started dating someone and he can't handle it so we decided to just cut off contact. It's hard but I think working for the best.
mendo mendo 9 years
I'm in a very unhealthy relationship with my bf who I have been on and off with for 3 years tells me when I try to leave him for good (which has happened a few times) he tells me that that he'll say horrible things about me to everyone and do whatever it takes to make my life hell and ruin my reputation. Then he'll call my work phone while I'm at the office and cell phone over and over and over until I answer. It's very stressful.
divinelight divinelight 9 years
I'm good friends with all of my exes. I spoke to one of them earlier this week about him going to ask his current girlfriend's parents for permission to marry her, I'm going to the wedding of another in June, and two others I hang out with all the time! I'm lucky I've never had a really bad break up, and I find it hard to stay mad at people.
nikodarling nikodarling 9 years
I like to end things on good terms. But its so frustrating when the other person won't play nice.
Cher Cher 9 years
I'm having a tough time with this right now. My bf and I broke up about 3 weeks ago and we are basically still dating but without titles. I am trying to move on since he dumped me and is moving out of the province soon but he keeps coming around. I even started dating someone new but that just encourages my xbf to try harder to get me back so that he can dump me again when he moves away! uuurgh.. girl drama!
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
I talk to mostly all my exes :) I like ending on good terms! But there is one who started dating my very very close girlfriend. He didn't have the balls to say ANYTHING to me about it, so he left it up to her to tell me. I guess she was too scared/immature/didn't care enough about me and told me in e-mail about yeaaaa if I saw him I would probably kick his balls out because obviously he has none :)
SummerBaby SummerBaby 9 years
i still talk to SOME of mine.. like if we run into eachother its not strange or anything.. but thats about not like best friends with them or anything
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
I am no longer in contact with any of my Ex's.
lovelylei lovelylei 9 years
Interestingly enough, I broke up with my ex to be with his friend and they still talk to this day. guess you can say I did a good job. I don't talk to the ex though.. it'd be too weird.
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