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The How-To Lounge: "Sharing the Pants"

The How-To Lounge: "Sharing the Pants"

Though it’s true that some relationships work best when one person is making the big decisions and wearing the pants, so to speak, most relationships need an equal balance. Unfortunately, finding that balance is easier said than done, especially when both halves of the couple have strong personalities. To check out my tips for learning to share that responsibility,


  • While most of us know how important compromise is in a healthy relationship, we tend to forget that it’s not something you can just do on a whim. In fact, it should be taking place constantly.
  • Take the time to acknowledge a smart choice that your partner has made, especially if it’s a decision that you didn’t initially feel great about. Offering praise when it's due is one of the best ways to keep up a positive balance in a relationship.
  • On that note, go ahead and pat each other on the backs for a job well done when you work through something difficult together. This way the hard times will always end with a hopeful and positive display of affection.
  • Arguments often become the forum for a person to exert control in a relationship, but our desire to “win” shouldn’t hurt our ability to come up with a solution to the problem. It’s important to learn how to just let it go, even it that means letting the other person have the final word.

As with all of the most valuable elements of building a relationship, learning to "share the pants" requires compromise from each party, so make sure that it’s something you’re both up for!


seraphimm seraphimm 9 years
It's all about balance. My ex was very passive and a go-with-the-flow guy. I, on the other and, have to plan everything and schedule early. It was so frustrating, because I was trying to wear the pants all the time but he honestly didn't give a crap. So, IRONICALLY, he wore the pants. Obviously things didn't work out.
bsglrok132 bsglrok132 9 years
My husband should be glad I wear the pants. He was a complete mess without me. But I do make a big deal about complimenting him when he makes a good choice, like when he decided to start putting aside a little bit of money each month for emergency use.
kia kia 9 years
The "pants" was a huge hurdle for us to deal with and still requires some maintenance. I have a lot of leadership skills and my husband can be passive so the biggest issue was reading him and stepping back when he was ready to step up.
missbanana missbanana 9 years
im pretty bad. i know im bossy, and i totally see alot of my mom in me.. i try hard to "share" but i really really have to try but im getting there... slowly but succesfully
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
:P tomatoshirt i try :D haha
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
Sun_Sun: that is soooooooo cute!
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
both my husband and i have strong independent personalities, however, for some reason, we dont have to work very hard at "whos wearing the pants" we both do we each have a pant leg :)
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 9 years
I need to share the "pants" I'm ALWAYS wearing the pants in our relationship and it frustrates my boyfriend. I was just raised in a very matriarch family and my mom raised me to be independent, strong-willed and borderline control freak. :P so I need to change...
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
My bf and I both try really hard to keep everythign "balanced". We try not to be bossy and controlling, and we always try to express our feelings right away rather then having them all bottled up. Sonmetimes, it's tough, but we always make it through and neither of us has hard feelings about the other.
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