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The How-To Lounge: Wedding Thank you Notes

Once the wedding is over and you and your husband are working on starting a new life together, you can't forget to write your thank you notes. To get some useful tips on how to make this tedious chore not so painful,

  • When ordering wedding invitations, it's a good idea to order thank you notes in the same theme as your other wedding papery, even with the bride's new married name if applicable
  • Time is of the essence. Thank you notes should be sent out as quickly as possible, preferably two to three weeks after receiving your gift, and six to eight weeks at the very most
  • While some men might think it is the wife's job to write all the thank you notes, they are mistaken! To make things easier on both parties, the bride should be responsible for writing notes for friends and family members she invited and the groom should be responsible for his invites just the same
  • Make sure both husband and wife sign the card with their own signature
  • Hand write each note and make them personal -- be sure to mention the gift at hand and be sure to mention any special efforts made by that guest, if they traveled a long distance, made a speech, etc.
  • Even if the bride is the one writing the thank you notes, never start the card with "I". You and your husband are now "We"
  • Don't forget to thank those who weren't able to attend but did send a gift. Let them know how much they were missed
  • If a couple receives more than one gift per person either from a shower or engagement party, each gift should be recognized with its own thank you note
  • If there is a change in your address after becoming husband and wife, be sure to write the return address on the outside of the envelope so friends and family can make note of the change
  • Dedicate some time each night to writing thank you notes. The longer you procrastinate, the more daunting they will become


I hope these tips help and congratulations!

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gaelgirl gaelgirl 9 years
i'd like to do postcards w/ pics of us as the thank you. formality may be correct, but who saves that stuff?
facin8me facin8me 9 years
Greggie, I actually don't think it matters. When I wrote my cards I used "we" because it's more familiar. But if you actually follow the etiquette, you're not supposed to do it and you're not supposed to have two people sign the card (or write two names). I only mentioned it because if people were using this "how to" as a guide to proper etiquette on writing thank you cards, then the information provided above would not be correct.
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
Of course they can Greggie! :) My comment was in reference to when one person just writes, not two. Hope that clears it up, well at least for me. :)
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I don't understand "there's only one person signing the card" as a reasoning for not using "we." Two people can easily write and sign the card/note.
MrsJigglesworth MrsJigglesworth 9 years
I used "we", and my husband wrote a little something at the end of each. We thought it would be a nice touch since we had never received a thank you where the male put any effort into it at all. Formalities are important to me to a point, but we just went with our gut on this one.
summer-roberts summer-roberts 9 years
I have never heard anyone complain about the way a thank you note was written unless it was because the person did not mention the specific gift. A thank you is a thank you not matter how it is written. It is the thought that counts, right?
calibabi calibabi 9 years
i wrote "we" and signed both of our names for the cards i wrote. i think my husband did the same for his. no big deal in my opinion. just taking the time to send out thank you cards is all that really matters. another helpful tip is to have someone keep track of who gave what gift as you open them. this can be done as a simple list, or you can actually write on the cards that came with each gift. this is fun to look back on too, and see what people wrote to you and what they gave you at the same time.
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
I have never heard of both people signing their names or using "we" in thank you cards either. One of my bridesmaids gave me an etiquette book for brides the Christmas before we were married and it stated exactly what facin8me wrote. Other than that, I agree with Dear on her recommendations. :)
facin8me facin8me 9 years
I've read in a few etiquette sources that you never use "we" in a card. There is only one person writing the card, and one person signing the card. The proper way would go something like: "John and I are so thankful for the (fill in the blank)...blah blah Sincerely, Jane Doe I guess you could do it what ever way you want since most people are just happy to get a thank you card, but if you want to be proper about it then you don't use "we" and you both don't sign the card.
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