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How to Answer When Are You Getting Married

Family Matters: 6 Comebacks For the Marriage Question

At a wedding last year, my aunt asked me the dreaded question: When are you getting married? As she looked at me, I could tell she was full of seriousness, worry, and wine. I leaned back in my chair and whispered so nobody could hear "I already am."

I, of course, wasn't. But it seems any woman over 25 confronts this question at family gatherings. And it only gets worse if you're happily attached. In which case, things can get really awkward if your unintended is nearby.

Honestly, a polite answer to this fairly rude question is not easy! So here are five tongue-in-cheek comebacks and one polite one for the nosy wedding planners in your life.

  1. When his divorce is final.
  2. Well, we have pictures that seem to say we are but no papers.
  3. Hopefully, before I start showing!
  4. When gay marriage is legal here.
  5. When are you getting divorced?

If you're going to be polite, get the best advice I have after the jump.

  1. Shrug, and say "Not sure. How old were you when you got married?" Turn it around, and make it about them. Ask them how they knew it, how the proposal happened, and how long the engagement lasted. They should be so caught up in talking about themselves that they will totally forget the original question. If that fails then see above.

Any other (better) suggestions?

If you are planning a wedding, already happily wed, or still looking for Mr. Right, start sharing your big day with our community. Don’t forget to check the wedding content box on your post.

Source: Flickr User Tinker*Tailor

Join The Conversation
Yesi-Jukebox Yesi-Jukebox 7 years
^ I should add that I am single.. So the next question is "why dont you have a boyfriend? dont you want to get married?"
Yesi-Jukebox Yesi-Jukebox 7 years
#3 and #4 are great, I should've used one of those when I went to visit family over Christmas break and I should point out im just 22 years old. But since my family is from the Dominican Republic and most of the women were married with kids by my age (needless to say all my cousins out there around my age are married with kids) they think my sister and I should do the same.
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
LOL onlysourcherry, I like it! Or "How many sexual partners have you had?" in place of the exam question.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 7 years
Here is mine: "When are you guys going to get married?" "When was your last physical exam?" "What?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was personal question time."
inlove23 inlove23 7 years
haha, love it runningesq!!
runningesq runningesq 7 years
People are so rude. Is it socially acceptable to go up to an overweight aunt and say "so, when are you going to start losing weight, chubs?" or to an unemployed cousin and say "when are you going to get off your lazy butt and get a job?" ? MYOB !
inlove23 inlove23 7 years
Haha. I just turned 19, and people have asked me if they think my boyfriend (almost two years) is the one =). I don't mind though.
filmgirl81 filmgirl81 7 years
I can tell when someone says it just to make polite conversation or not. When it's the latter, I just say things are fine the way they are with the boyfriend, but it is annoying. Most of these people are unhappily married, so they should just shut up.
robinlh912 robinlh912 7 years
Just about every time my aunt gets a hold of me on the phone I get asked if my boyfriend of 2 years is "the one I'm going to marry." I just keep saying "We'll see when we get there." Who knows where life will take us, I have a semester of school left, and he has at least a year left. The questions keep getting worse since another cousin is engaged now!
reesiecup reesiecup 7 years
luckily for me, i have not been asked this question often (yet). one of the few benefits of a long-distance relationship :)
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
I believe some people are genuinely asking to make conversation and not to be rude, but 9 times out of 10, the tone implies that I'm dragging my feet, being picky with who I'm dating, taking too long, have my priorities out of whack, or something else like that. Sometimes the question is followed with something like "You don't want to wait too long, you're not getting any younger!" or "I don't know what the hold up is, you've been together for 5 years" or even "It's sinful to live together without being married first." Typically it's the guy who pops the question, so asking the girl doesn't always do much. If it was up to me, I would have been married in 2007.
heatherhas heatherhas 7 years
Perhaps, people are not trying to be nosey or rude, but just make polite conversation. It think those are natural questions to ask, especially if it is an extended family member that you don't see very often or doesn't know much about you.
socalbeachgal socalbeachgal 7 years
GlowingMoon is right, if it's not the marriage question, it when are you having kids, then after one, it's when is the next kid. Some people are just nosy...
BellaVida12 BellaVida12 7 years
Excellent. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and we've lived together almost 2 years. I go back and forth with the marriage thought and I'm never prepared for that marriage question. I just started saying "We're giving it a few more years."
fashionplate525 fashionplate525 7 years
I like that idea about turing the question back around on them! Sometimes I think people genuinely mean well and are trying to make conversation (not aware of how uncomfortable the question is) but others are just nosey and trying to instigate.
danakscully64 danakscully64 7 years
I HATE this question with a passion because I've been ready for more than 3 years, my guy is the one dragging his feet. Every time I tell someone this, they never ask again.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Well, I find that these intrusive questions do not stop. After marriage, the inevitable question of "When are you having kids?" begin. Be prepared for the flak and reprehension when there are no kids yet, or worse yet, if it's decided that there will be no children. Well, everybody is going to have an opinion, and some will be rude enough to project their opinions on others.
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
I just used to say "we're happy with how things are right now" (even if it wasn't always true).
gingirl gingirl 7 years
Oh man, I'm having a lot of problems with this question! I'm living with my boyfriend right now, and I'm getting this all over the place from both sides of our family. And I change my answer every time, cause I'm always caught off-guard. But now I think I've settled on "We'll talk more about it when I'm done with school. I get way more financial aid if I'm single." Polite, but a little snarky to get them off my back. It works ok. Unless, like your aunt, they've dipped into the wine, then it's not so easy! Lol
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