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How Can a Stable Relationship and Passionate Sex Coexist?

How Can a Stable Relationship and Passionate Sex Coexist?

People have sex for all sorts of reasons — or exactly 237, according to WebMD. The top 10 range from pure attraction to mere opportunity. Which motivation do you think would result in better sex? Exactly.

The idea that sex is best when surprising and bad when predictable illuminates why stable relationships and hot sex do not always make the best bedfellows. In the New York Times Sunday Magazine's "Married (Happily) With Issues," author Elizabeth Weil quotes psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell, who thinks predictable sex has less to do with a problematic marriage and more to do with fear of one. Boring sex, Mitchell says, is just an "elaborate fantasy" created out of a need to see a partner as someone you know and not a stranger capable of veering off into the unknown. If the sex wasn't boring, it might mean that the relationship was unstable.

If love thrives on comfort, stability, and reciprocity, what incentive do couples have to try new things? Still, I think a couple complaining of boring sex could probably benefit more from amping up their sex life rather than putting down their marriage.
Source: Flickr User pfv.

Join The Conversation
lauraxtc lauraxtc 7 years
I need passion in my sex life but sometimes it isn't always there. Especially when you live with the person you are having sex with. Things can get less interesting, that is why it's important to always take care of yourself, and go out with your loved one and make things count. Love can always make sex better.
clareberrys clareberrys 7 years
Ive been in my relationship for almost 4 years now. For the first 6 months the sex was absolutely incredible and that was a major part of what our relationship was about. Now, we have grown together, experienced more things, feel more comfortable, and are more open. Although not every sexual encounter is as hot and heavy as it used to be, its more intimate and occasionally we will spice it up with a toy or lingerie. And if we do get into a slump we dont feel shameful talking about it.
ahao1 ahao1 7 years
I've been in a relationship for 6 months and it's the best one I've ever had, not coincidentally with the best sex I've ever had. I feel so comfortable with my partner that we can do anything, let down all our barriers, and just go crazy or be intimate. Every time is different, and wonderful. We're incredibly attracted to each other and passionate people in general, but we also connect deeply and emotionally. When you connect with your partner, you feel so grounded that you can absolutely let go.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 7 years
I'm with doogirl. We too have been married for 13 years and it's only gotten better. Like doogirl, we're able to better communicate our needs and desires to eachother and we're still incredibly attracted to and passionate about eachother. And, if a couple is complaining about their sex life then they really need to speak up to eachother, but I'm sure they're too afraid/embarrassed/stuck in a rut to do so.
sugajen sugajen 7 years
Interesting topic. I would say the best sex I've had was always a few months into my relationships where I know my bf but I was still infatuated with him. Of my few long term relationships things have got boring. It's a hard situation to be in.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
I can't have passionate sex with someone I'm not passionate about.
doogirl doogirl 7 years
I've been married for 13 years and the sex only gets better! We are able to tell each other our fantasies and act them out and not feel embarrassed. My husband and I have an amazing sex life, even with two kids!
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