Let's not forget that iconic scene on Sex and the City [1] when Carrie refuses to wear her "ugly" engagement ring in public. Sure, it may have been bratty to fuss over that shiny Asscher — no less given to her by Aidan Shaw [2] himself — but she might just be onto something, too. It's important to love what you'll (hopefully!) be wearing forever, and the truth is that choosing that perfect ring [3] can be a total minefield, despite how specific your preferences are. Let's face it — you're already following all the Instagram accounts [4], and caught up on all the new trends and shapes available. Still, with all these great options [5] comes an even greater task of sifting through and committing to one, or even several beautiful studs. It's no wonder that Aidan had less luck, and frankly, it's hard to blame him.
So, if you know you're getting engaged, it may be a good idea to choose the ring(s) together. While the proposal could stay secret, you could still weigh in on your ring. I chose my own engagement ring and I don't regret it for a second. Here are some tips for making it part of your personal love story.
Discuss Why You Want to Choose Your Ring
While you might be keen on going ring shopping, your partner might be all in for the surprise proposal and that can make things tricky. Maybe you have your heart set on an antique [7] or minimalist [8] piece, maybe you want to spoil yourself at Tiffany's and just try on absolutely everything, maybe you want to chip in for half [9], or maybe you're just a bit of a control freak. All of these reasons are perfectly valid, and it's a good idea to discuss them with your partner. Also, choosing your ring together can feel really special. It doesn't have to just be about deciding on the perfect ring, but also about sharing the decision together, and making it yet another cherished part of your story as a partnership.
Do a Bit of Window Shopping (Which Might Turn Into Actual Shopping)
My fiancé and I actually went ring shopping before he proposed. We'd only planned on having a look for some ideas or styles and what we could afford. We bought the first and only ring I tried on. Despite striking lucky the first time, window shopping [10] is a really good way to get an idea of what style you want. You can look at all the websites [11] in the world, but nothing is the same as seeing what something looks like on your finger.
Plan the Rest of Your Day
If you are planning to go out and buy a ring, consider what else you're up to that afternoon. If you've got dinner plans with your future in-laws, it'll be the twinkly two-carat [12] elephant in the room. Our spontaneous shopping trip also included a less-than-romantic stop off at the supermarket to buy a chicken.
Stick to a Budget
When you finally start shopping, it can be so easy to get swept up in the romance of it all (and believe me, jewelers will use this to their advantage). Ignore any "you're worth it" cliches, and stick to what you can afford [13]. If you've only got $500 [14], don't try on a $5,000 ring, because it's not worth having to sell a kidney. Have a budget [15], haggle if you must, but never forget that being in love is not a good reason to get into debt.
Do the Shopping Before the Proposal
After buying the ring, it wasn't exactly a surprise that my partner was going to pop the question, but how [16] he was going to still remained the mystery. It was a win-win situation. He got to make the grand gesture, and I had the perfect ring. And yes, I did ask him where he'd hidden it about 700 times that week.
At the Very Least, Give Them a Clue
I was very specific about the style of ring I wanted, so even if my fiancé had chosen the ring himself, he wouldn't have gone in blind. I didn't want a diamond [17], and I don't wear much gold [18]. I wanted classic [19] but not traditional [20]. And I wanted an aquamarine but definitely not a sapphire. I'm difficult to buy for, basically. Give your partner all the help you can; this isn't some sort of test they have to pass. I'm talking links, pictures in magazines, emails with "ABSOLUTELY NOT THIS" in the subject line. You're not ruining the surprise, you're making a really difficult purchase a lot easier.
Use a Placeholder Ring
Just because you've decided to buy your ring together doesn't mean your partner has to miss out on the surprise of popping the question. A placeholder ring is the perfect solution, whether it's a ring from a cracker box, a gummy sweet, or a piece of costume jewelry from your favorite designer. You're saying "I do" to the person holding the box, not what's hidden inside. Just remember, even after you've said yes, don't eat your gummy ring. It's been hidden in a sock drawer for two months.