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How to Determine a Relationship

Group Therapy: Did I Say the Wrong Thing?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Last night I was talking to a guy I've been dating for a month. We were bantering back and forth, and he mentioned "our relationship." We haven't had a "relationship" talk yet, so I said, "Relationship?!" and he said, "Let's not put a label on it, so no one gets hurt. You seem kind of fragile." I said I'm not fragile! I have never brought up our status or "the talk" and never would without him doing so first. Do you think I hurt his feelings when I was incredulous about a relationship, or is he just trying to put things in perspective, since it's only been a month? I'm supposed to see him tomorrow, do I act nonchalant about the whole thing?

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snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 6 years
first impression: he's a douche. but you never know. you could have thrown him off with your incredulous exclamation. and he could he insecure and just said whatever popped into his mind as a defense mechanism. the way i see it you can't go wrong acting nonchalant. keep your eyes/ears open while you act nonchalant though!
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
Oh my god. This is such a tiny interaction, let it go and try to forget about it. If he keeps calling you and you are having fun, keep seeing him. If you stop liking him and want to see other people, then do that. Don't obsess over this three sentence event.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
But she asked "Relationship?!" as if *she* were the one who was offended. At least that's how I read it. You do sound fragile.
shreerose shreerose 6 years
He definately sounds full of himself. Why would he say that if he's trying to have a relationship with you? Tell him to go kick rocks.
KadBunny KadBunny 6 years
ITA. Problem with that is you also have the infamous breed of elusive men who, at the mere mention of status, immediately freak out and think you're trying to tie them down and get married etc. when all you want to know is what the eff is going on. So women get apprehensive about asking. Not to say that's the case for the OP though (or even most women), but it's certainly the case with me. :(
Sandle Sandle 6 years
I agree with most people, I don't see how you could have possibly hurt his feelings. I think you need to ask yourself if he hurt your feelings by saying he didn't want a relationship. You say that "you would never bring it up without him doing so first". Why? In my experience men can't stand when women don't tell them what they want, when something bothers them, or when something is on their mind. Try to evaluate if you are being too passive and putting him in charge of the 'relationship'. Dating games never help anyone.
stephley stephley 6 years
The fragile comment was pretty arrogant - a real "it's not me, it's you" thing to say.
KadBunny KadBunny 6 years
Well... it's different for everyone I guess but I'd be pretty pissed off is someone (who I could potentially have a relationship with, no less) just flat out called me fragile. And, for what it sounds like, no reason at all. Projecting much? It doesn't really call for discussion though but if you're miffed I don't blame you. Just be casual and see how it goes.
snarkypants snarkypants 6 years
hahahaha exactly kimmie!
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 6 years
I don't really see a point in either of you getting upset. People make comments all the time without thinking, so there is no point in overanalyzing. Let it go and see what happens. Also, if you got offended by him calling you fragile, doesn't that kind of prove his point?
GTCB GTCB 6 years
This discussion as described hardly merits any angst.
BJC BJC 6 years
im in agreement with jazzytummy .... the fact that he said "You seem kind of fragile" is flat out rude. if i were you i wouldnt be focusing on whether i hurt his feelings but rather on the fact that the guy im seeing not only thinks im FRAGILE but said it to my face in a VERY condescending manner. when i read your post my jaw dropped a bit, im appalled this jerk of a guy said "You seem kind of fragile" ... its certainly not something a guy who is very much interested in you and heading in the relationship direction would say. so my advice to you is to take a step back and consider whether or not this fragile comment bothers you and whether you want to continue seeing this guy. me ... i would end it, that comment would have hurt me and i dont see the point in wasting my time with someone who doesnt think im worth it.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
See, to me, "fragile" is a label. The guy sounds like a douche. He is probably projecting because he isn't ready himself to put his feelings out there. Just my take.
Silly-Btch-Therapy Silly-Btch-Therapy 6 years
I highly doubt you hurt his feelings. If you had hurt his feelings he wouldn't have been the one saying "Let's not put a label on it" I suggest you leave it alone for now and in another month, or whenever it feels right and you actually want to become monogomous with this guy, sit him down and initiate "the talk". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Check out my new site at for more advice and information about sex, love and everything in between.
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