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How Do I Choose Between Friends & A Lover?

How Do I Choose Between Friends & A Lover?

Dear Sugar
I have been seeing a girl who lives about two hours away. We communicate a lot via phone and e-mail and have hung out in person only about seven times. We don't talk everyday and we don't refer to each other as boyfriend girlfriend, but I am growing more interested each time I see her.

Her father is extremely ill, only has a few months left to live, and was rushed to the ER last night and was put on life support after suffering a seizure. I spoke with her today and she is obviously pretty shaken up. The doctors said it will be very touch and go for the next few days.

I have travel plans this weekend with some friends that would be very costly to break as well as disrupt travel schedules for the rest of the group. I'm struggling with
what to do considering everything involved and based on how far in the relationship we are. She hasn't explicitly asked me to rush to her, but I feel that she would appreciate it. What should I do? Vacation Bound Vinnie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Vacation Bound Vinnie
I am so sorry to hear about your friends father - how heartbreaking. What is your gut instinct telling you? Would you want her there to support you? Do you think this relationship has potential to grow? Is your trip the only reason why you are hesitating? If so, I think you know the answer to your question.

Trips can be canceled or postponed for nominal fees and I am sure all of your friends would understand the severity of this situation. If you can sense her desire to have you there for support, then the right thing to do is be there for her when she needs you.

Although she is being coy, your presence would make all the difference in the world to her. This is the time to show her how much you care however, ultimately you are going to have to choose between your friends and your new special lady friend.

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Luna13 Luna13 10 years
you should def be with your lady friend. This is such an importnant time in her life and you being there for her will stay with her forver, if she doesnt have feelings for you now being there for her will make her see what kind of a guy u are.
vbpce vbpce 10 years
has she hinted at wanting you to be there? if you've received any hint that she'd like you there, be with her! your friends will always be around (as long as you don't do this often, which im sure you don't) i just wanted you to be sure that she wouldnt be uncomfortable with you there... in a difficult time.
Vsugar Vsugar 10 years
I agree with dearsugar completely - she probably hasn't asked you because if you said NO it would be a very painful rejection during what is already a really difficult time for her. I think that you should call her and tell her you would like to cancel your travel plans and be there with her and her family, as long as it wouldn't intrude. When she says "no, no, go on your trip" (which she likely will), you should tell her you aren't doing it for her, but that you would like to do it because it would mean a lot to YOU to know that you could provide some help and comfort for her and her family. Sometimes when someone is gravely sick or injured in the hospital, it can be very meaningful for them to have someone there just to go and get coffee, or run back to the house and grab some clean clothes... Having been in this situation, you would be amazed what a difference having someone quietly standing by, ready to run and do menial things for the family can make, and it will be very greatly appreciated by her family. It will say a lot to her and to them about your character. But make sure she won't feel like you are intruding first - sometimes people want to be alone with their families during times like this. If you DO cancel the trip, your friends will understand - it's not everyday someone's father falls ill like this. Would you even enjoy the trip if you went?? Good Luck.
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