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How Do I Get Over Him?

"How Do I Get Over Him?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My ex and I broke up two months ago. I've tried to get back together with him but he refuses, saying that he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts so much, but every time I feel like I'm close to moving on, he randomly texts me and gets my hopes up. I still love him, but I'm too exhausted to handle the way he keeps popping back into my life. I told him to never text me again, but it's been a few days and I just feel terrible. I feel betrayed, I'm broken, and I've been doing all that I can to get over this but the feeling won't go away.

I've tried to pick up a new hobby, I've hung out with other people, met new guys, and nothing will change. If anything, those things just depress me even more than before. I still love him and I'd do anything for him. I don't understand how he could date me for so long, even discuss marriage with me, and then just end it all like I was nothing.


I said some stupid, hurtful things after we broke up, and even though I apologized and tried to be civil about it, he's still holding a grudge. He won't even acknowledge the fact that he hurt me even more with his words and actions. How do I get over this? I already deleted his number and don't intend on communicating again. What else am I supposed to do?

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BettyBlue22 BettyBlue22 5 years
You did the right thing by deleting his number.  You should explain to him that you will need time to heal and staying in constant contact with him will not help the healing process.  It just takes time.  Its going to be really hard dealing with your emotions for a while but you will not feel like this forever.  Come up with a mantra and meditate with it.  Take that time to think about who you are and what the future holds for your life.  Try to stay positive and love yourself.  Know that one day it won't be so hard to deal.  If you really don't have a clue why he broke it off, perhaps asking for closure might help, but don't get your hopes up.  You can't force him to give you the answer you want or even an answer at all.  I wish you all the best! 
Serene18 Serene18 5 years
To fix the continous problem of you getting over him and then him texting out of the blue: change your number, instead of deleting his. What good will that do? He still has a way to get in contact with you because your information hasn't changed. Delete him out of your life; any online sites, etc. He's playing with your emotions and your're allowing it. Everything that you've listed about: going out, meeting new people is how most people would handle situations like this. I usually just get over it within a month or shorter especially if he did me wrong, that depends on what it is. Like cheating; I'm sorry I am over your dead beat ass. But I guess it depends on the individual. I think you are mainly feeling this way because you feel like y'all have unfinished business and even when you do or say something to attempt to remove him from your life, you end up falling for it again. This is why your are feeling so bad because you continue to fall for it again and again. Like with 1. Him texting you + you responding= you being hurt 2. You putting him in his place+ him holding a grudge = leaves you feeling bad about it Your mind isn't at peace because you won't allow it to be and let the past lie in the past. You continue to find ways around into letting this man into your life and apologize for hurting his feelings when he is the one that should be doing it. Us as women like to nurture people, especially the ones we love, but that grown ass man is not a baby. Let it go. Tell him off once and for all and let him feel guilty for it. Don't try & take back what you said by trying to apologize for saying it. Mean it and mean it well.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Intense emotions create more intense emotions. When intense desire is connected to dreams for the future,hope that you've found that one person who will walk with you through life, and then becomes intense disapointment stemming from rejection and failure of the relationship, which makes us feel intensely bad about ourselves and our now vastly changed future and dashed hopes, we show our intense disappointment, act out, lash out, cry out. It's easier to put all of those intense emotions with their dashed hopes, all of those deleriously happy memories, completely away, far from us. It takes strength, and healing and sometimes a lot of distance to reopen a door and find the remembered happy that came before the sad. It's easier to make it nothing. To try to delete, than to think about what's been lost. Keep doing the things you need to do to engage your mind and spirit in a healthier way. It takes time. And it takes a commitment to new behaviors, to filling your time with something else. Right now you are living in the middle of the breakup, hashing it over and over and over again in your mind, just as you're doing here. Thinking about what he did wrong........You have to let that stuff go, change the direction of your thinking when you realize you're back in that same old spot. Unless or until you can retrain your mind away from returning and wallowing in this bitter, disappointed place time after time, all of the other changes/strategies won't work. You have to stop reliving the breakup and everything that led to it. It also takes acceptance that it's over. Doesn't sound to me as though you've accepted that this is done. Making a habit of taking your mind away from this reliving you're doing will help you with acceptance. Be consistent and true to your commitment to get past this, and then use the behaviors of retraining your mind, of new things, new focuses. It's hard. Takes a lot of stubborness and determination, but with practice and consistency, you can get there. Doesn't mean you can't have a good cry, or some sessions with the girlfriends as you grieve this loss, but there has to be a limit you set for yourself for spending time in that place. good luck, take good care I'm sorry you're having such bad time and feeling so sad. Hope it gets better soon
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