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How Do I Stop Worrying About My Relationship

"How Do I Stop Worrying About My Relationship?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I think I have relationship OCD. I am really afraid of ruining a great thing by my constant worrying. I worry about everyday life things like the next person, but overall am pretty laid back and happy and carefree. But when it comes to my relationship I feel like a crazy person! I know it's because I love this person so much, and that's a scary feeling.

I definitely have some trust issues (with myself and with other people). For a little while I felt like all my fears and insecurities were totally justified, so I would bring them up and try to talk it out, thinking it would make me feel better. It didn't, and almost destroyed my relationship in the process. Luckily my partner really loves me and helped me seek some counseling and trusted that I would move past it. I have definitely gotten better, and I have made the positive step of at least realizing that these are my thoughts and not my feelings, and that I am in control of them. I feel like I have gotten some control over my reaction to them — but not so much control about whether I think them or not! I've been going with the fake it til you make it approach. Maybe it's just baby steps and I need to be more patient, but I am SO TIRED of worrying about things that I shouldn't be worried about, or worrying about things that worrying is never going to solve/prevent from happening.


I am a Virgo so it's in my nature, and my childhood definitely left me with a control freak mentality, like if I could make things right nothing would go wrong. I feel like I'm realizing the things I need to realize, but I really need help in re training my thoughts! I am looking for real practical advice here — books, websites, techniques that have helped you or a loved one? Words of encouragement or success stories are also welcome, I just want to let this weight go!! Thank you all.

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Join The Conversation
twopercent twopercent 4 years
Sorry, to add on to it, what I've said to my inner child whenever I feel anxiety or worry or OCD thoughts coming on, I say, "I hear you. You have every right to feel that way because of your past, but I am here for you and I won't let anything bad happen to you. I love you very much and I am here to protect you." It really does work and I encourage you to try it out for yourself!
twopercent twopercent 4 years
I've actually been dealing with this a LOT lately. I'm happy in my relationship but I also realize that I can't be constantly worrying about the other shoe dropping. I've come to realize that this stems from deep-rooted abandonment issues from my childhood. I looked into this thing called "inner bonding" or "re-parenting," which is helping me really love myself. I was so obsessed with losing my boyfriend that I forgot to reach out to myself and see how much I love I actually have for myself. I know it sounds pretty new-agey, but it worked! What everybody was saying -- be more independent, learn to love yourself -- that's all true. I just didn't know how to go about it until I started talking to myself and seeing WHY I was so worried. And as soon as I did and reached out to the scared little girl inside, I felt this overwhelming calm come over me. It sounds weird but I really encourage you to try it out if you can't overcome your worries in any other way.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Hey there, OP. Dr. Phil gets a lot of professionas in with OCD treatments. Check into Dr. Phil and Retraining the Brain...or just go to his site and start looking around. I've seen a program or two with folks who need to tackle different aspects of OCD behaviors. I've heard him say there are some specific processes, very hands on, practical applications for the kind of work you're looking into. There are other Docs, some with self help books on his site. Otherwise, I agree with mrVinny, about finding something else to focus on. I suggest this with a lot of folks who are dealing with the obsessive replaying of their ended relationship. Finding a new class, or work out, a new craft. You can also refocus your attention by choosing a specific memory or thought, and using that thought every time you find yourself focusing on an unproductive or destructive thought. As soon as you realize you are in the middle of that thought, break it off and go to your prechosen new focus. Every time. You create a new habit for yourself. There may by some additional steps to this that could help you, like a become aware that you're having a negative, unwelcome thought, you count to five, and then jump to your new, positive focus. The count becomes a tool to help you move out of one state, and into a more positive state. good luck! :)
mrVinny mrVinny 4 years
mmm there's no edit function here... guess i'll have to spend time on spell-checking before pressing the post button. Hope u get what I'm trying to say, even tho there's many typos!
mrVinny mrVinny 4 years
Women are more "emotional" than men by nature thus are more prone to "worrying" more than men. It's ok to worry but if you worry too much than it can translate into ":nagging" which in turn will kill the rlnship rather than letting it keep blossoming. Point is, have hobbies/other goals you can focus your energy on that helps you grow as an individual rather than focusing all your brain energy on the "rlnship". Most men fear the clingy women because she doesn't have a life and is too dependent on him for happiness. Being a little more independent will only do wonders for you rlnship. Don't get me wrong, it's important to grow together, but it's also important to have your own life in order to make the conversation more interesting than mundane. Bottom line, it's normal to worry and if you want to worry less then the trick is to have your mind focus on other things thus get out there and self-actualize and find hobbies or whatever that keeps your mind active on exploring life rather than having nothing and your brain focus on analyzing the rlnship.
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