We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, HowAboutWe. Is your new crush worth it? Here's how to tell if they are.
"Finding a partner who has his act together is as important as having hot sex," says Dr. Sonya Rhodes, PhD, a New York City-based psychotherapist specializing in relationships and co-author of the forthcoming book The Alpha Meets Her Match: How Strong and Successful Women Find Love and Happiness Without Settling. "I always tell clients that what matters is not what he/she says but what he/she does."
The challenge is seeing your potential partner realistically — not just through your own lens of expectations. Though learning about a new person takes time, there are some simple ways you can find out if your new crush is an actual adult human being versus an attractive disaster area. Read on . . .
Check out your date’s social media habits.
"One red flag for me is grown guys who talk about Facebook-related drama or use social media way too frequently," says Lynn Gilliard, Brooklyn-based author of Let Him Chase YOU. "When you are doing productive things in life you don’t have much time for that type of stuff."
How many pairs of shoes does she have?
"Believe it or not, this is a great indicator of whether she has her act together or not," says Dan Nainan, a New York-based comedian. "Because someone who has a closet full of expensive shoes and makes a modest salary is not someone I could consider for a serious relationship leading to marriage."
See if he or she can make and keep a plan.
"Queries about someone's living situation oftentimes lead to more detailed conversation about money and stability," says Kristen L., founder of AndThatsWhyYoureSingle.com. "I also pay attention to their ability to schedule plans. If they couldn't confirm anything until the night before or morning of I filed that away and then waited until we met to get a better idea of their life style." Dr. Rhodes agrees: "If he cancels dates at the last minute or doesn't show up when he is supposed to — ditch him. He is going to disappoint you one time too many."
Does he take care of his health?
"If he has a medical issue, does he go to the doctor?" asks Dr. Rhodes. "Is he constantly complaining about physical pain? What does he do about it? Is his approach adult-like or is he in denial? There are important clues here as to whether he is managing his life in a healthy way." You don’t want to have to hound someone to take care of themselves, so make sure your potential relationship partner can handle his or her own health.
For more tips, head to HowAboutWe: 10 Ways to Find Out If Your Date Has His (or Her) Act Together
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