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How To Mend A Broken Friendship

Dear Sugar
I am having a gal pal problem. I have a best friend who is more like a sister to me. I have known her since eighth grade and we used to be inseparable. My family moved away when we were in high school, but we still saw each other as much as possible since there was only a three hour distance between us. After high school, we missed each other so much, we even decided to attend the same college.

Now that we are older and have separate lives, I've been feeling a little bit of a disconnect with her. I just got my dream job, I am living with a great guy, and I just don't have as much free time as I used to. I feel like my friend is taking my busy life personally and she gets angry with me whenever I can't make plans with her. This is starting to really upset me because she's not being very understanding.

I really miss do our friendship. Can you think of a way to recover from this awkward time? I have worked really hard to be where I am in my life. I am happy and I don't want to be made to feel guilty for it. I want things to be like they used to be between us. BFF Brenda

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear BFF Brenda
Girlfriend problems can be terribly heartbreaking. Here's an idea: try writing her an email and getting your emotions out in a written document. Being able to re-read your thoughts may help you to organize and prioritize the things that you've been wanting to express.

It sounds like your friend is a little bit jealous that you are in a really good place in your life right now. Her insecurities are being displaced as anger towards you when in reality she is probably just feeling hurt, left out/dissatisfied with some aspects of her own life. I think if you talk to her it will really help. Speak from the heart and tell her that you really miss her friendship and are willing to do whatever it takes to make things better.

Being in a relationship and starting a new job definitely puts limitations on your free time. Suggesting a weekly phone or coffee date with each other might be a great place to start. This will help to keep the lines of communication open as well as create a set time together that you can both count on and look forward to.

Friendships, like any other type of relationship require nurturing and attention. Having a talk with her is definitely the right way to go if you want to rectify the problem. The longer you wait, the more upset you are going to be with your pal - so get on it. Hopefully it will clear up any misunderstandings you might have and it may even make you closer than ever.

Join The Conversation
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
I think that this happens to alot of us. Ive been there. When I met my hubby they didnt seem to understand that I needed to focus on that and my life it had no reflection on the friendship, but I was growing and needed that space. Sadly alot of times as close as your are that explanation doesnt do much good. Your life cant revolve around other people and you've reached that point where they have to see that for themselves. Trust in this though, if your really good friends like you think once things calm down you get in a routine with this part of your life and get settled with ur new mate and career, your friend will come around. True friends will stay friends no matter what. Spend what time you can with her and just try to ignore any smart comments or eye rolls you get. Definetly TRY to talk to her and explain that this is just something you have to do an its a part of growing up. More then likely she will go through this phase one day and then even if not now she will understand. Did I make any sense at all? -------------------- Aww man, your breath deflated my pumpkin!
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