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How to Tell Him I'm Pregnant

"How Do I Tell Him I'm Pregnant When He's in a Relationship?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I know that it sounds like I am a harlot, but there are extenuating circumstances. I just found out that I am pregnant. 5 weeks. The father has been my best friend and the love of my life for 13 years. A few years ago he ran off after his parents passed away, and he met this girl. We lost touch for 4 years but have since found each other again. Over the last year we have both struggled with our feelings for each other. He lives 7 hours away but has traveled to see me many times—a few of them to ask me to be with him, and I have done the same.

For one reason or another (entirely other post) it has not come to fruition. It came very close a few weeks ago: he and his girl had broken up "for good" and I was already in town looking for an apartment. We decided to spend a few days at the beach and plan our life together. There was a BIG miscommunication about me attending grad school in another city. He said that he would not stand in the way of my dream and he went back to her.

To make a very long story longer, I am definitely keeping the baby. I have spent years suffering from endometriosis and I was not sure that I could get pregnant. He had offered to be a donor for me a few months ago, but I could not afford the procedure. Then "she" found out. She became pregnant by him 3 years ago and had an abortion without his knowledge. They have not had a good relationship since, and while we really do try to just stay friends, we have an almost fairy-tale romance that keeps throwing us back together.


Right before I learned I was pregnant (last week), in an emotional fit, I told him that I was done with him for good and that I was not going to let him keep going back and forth between me and her, regardless of the reason. He was very hurt, swearing his undying love for me but said that he would not continue to hurt me and if letting go was what I needed he would do it, but that no matter what he would always be in love with me. In response, I told him to get over it and move on like I was. And now I find out I'm having his baby.

How I landed myself in this soap opera I do not know, but I am concerned about telling him before the 12 week "safe" mark. And there is going to be HELL to pay from her—she is already immature about her jealousy even though we never had a physical relationship until a couple of months ago. I'm worried about the stress that it will put on me and the baby—it's already very tough right now starting grad school and having just quit my cushy job to do so.

Anyhow, any advice for an accidental home-wrecker?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice!

mix-tape mix-tape 4 years
Without getting into your other drama, you should tell him your are pregnant. He is the father. He needs to know.
GTCB GTCB 4 years
Wow... what a mess. You've quit a cushy job to go to grad school, which is now out as you're knocked up. Plus, you and he have broken up after having unprotected sex and his ejaculating in your vagina. Well, you asked for it, and now you've got it. Plus, I'm not clear - was he cheating on the other girl with you? It sorta sounds like it if there's going to be "hell to pay" from her. If she was a non-factor at present who cares what she thinks. I think the most important thing to seek is stability in your life. It doesn't sound like it's with this guy either. Things weren't working out anyways and adding a baby to the mix amps up the drama to the max. Better start looking for a job to sock away some $ for the baby. Good luck to you!
BettyBlue22 BettyBlue22 4 years
If you want to keep the baby and inevitably stay in this whirlwind of "he loves me, he loves me not" drama just tell him. It sounds like that's what you want to do. He's reluctant to commit to you for over 13 years what makes you think he'll commit to your child!?!? Wait until the 12 week "safe" mark, decide if you want him in you and your child's life and stick to your decision. If you decide to let him control your life and feelings, you have to remember that doing so will cause more hurt and pain than you've ever experienced because you'll see him walk in and out of your child's life for another 13 years.
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