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How Would You Feel?

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I'm 20 years old and have been dating this guy for four years. Last night, I was using his computer and I saw that he searched for plus size lingerie. My feelings were instantly hurt. I felt so fat! I think that my boyfriend should not make me feel like that! He has never called me fat or anything, but just the fact that he looked at plus size lingerie says that he thinks it! If I ask him if he thinks I'm fat or anything he, of course, denies it. He says that if he thought I was ugly he wouldn't be with me. So, what now? Am I just overreacting? I am so hurt!

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truetest truetest 7 years
I've heard it all before, "I'm not fat, just big boned" ask an honest Physician or refer to the percent body fat chart and then don't deny the findings.
sw33ts3nsation sw33ts3nsation 7 years
great have a nice life
sw33ts3nsation sw33ts3nsation 7 years
hey i am fat too but dont let that get in your way
Venus1 Venus1 7 years
Excellent! A positive result. Hope you like your present.
thanks everyone, lots of help! you're right, if he's buying me lingerie he obviously wants to see me in it!
CrimsonDoll CrimsonDoll 7 years
You shouldn't be offended... just flattered... he wants to see your plus sized hottie body in lingerie... my bf doesn't seem amused when I put it on my big booty lol
staple-salad staple-salad 7 years
@Autmns: Torrid's sizes start at 10. IT depends on the store. I think the generally accepted plus size starts somewhere between 12 and 16.
dootsie dootsie 7 years
He was buying it for himself, his mom, or his lover. Duh.
Choco-cat Choco-cat 7 years
a couple people brought up a good point - why are you snooping in his computer (and then assuming he was shopping for plus-sized lingerie for you)? there seems to be more to this story than you posted here; you & your boyfriend's communication abilities, your insecurities...something. if there is, you may benefit from talking to a professional.
foudini foudini 7 years
Okay, as the responses continued, some of you ladies are cracking me up. Not that you meant to but there it is. It's good to keep it light. Thanks.
foudini foudini 7 years
No matter how well-meaning his actions were I can still understand why you are feeling a little hurt. It's difficult to be faced with our perceived fears. However, that lies within you and your own self-image concerns, not with him. Honestly I would appreciate that he was looking at lingerie and that he was looking at the correct sizing. Imagine opening a lingerie gift that was nowhere near correct. It seems that would be far more demoralizing. Now imagine that he has taken the time to buy the correct size for you. You slip the items on and they fit beautifully the first time. Wow, what a difference psychologically. Anyway, in this society it is hurtful to be faced with reality or truth, even though you know there is no reason to be upset, you just are. Absolutely you can feel sad but please remember that it's not his hangup, it's yours and finding the positive in his gesture goes a long way in realizing you are not validated as a person by a generational term. Those from the not to distant (and distant) past would be appalled at what we call plus size. Ever notice that Greek sculptures are of curvaceous, full-figured gals? History has shown an overwhelming preference for "plus size" women.
bubblyw bubblyw 7 years
Maybe he's IN to plus sized women, and is doing that adolescent thing where boys look at bra ads instead of going and buying porn. Since you've been going out since you were 16, he might finally be realizing he's into bigger women, but has no idea how to explain or express it. Good luck. Maybe eat a sandwich.
vegesquire vegesquire 7 years
If this is the first time the person who posted this question has come to the realization that she is a "plus size" woman, I can understand the insecure feelings. Sometimes weight gain can sneak up on a person, and the realization that she is suddenly in the plus size category can be difficult. I would think a good thing to do at this point is to accurately place the hurt feelings on herself, not on her boyfriend (who it seems was just trying to be thoughtful), and if she is unhappy with her current size, try to take control of her health.
misslilyfication misslilyfication 7 years
*for. goes to show my laziness too
misslilyfication misslilyfication 7 years
The first thing that popped into my mind is that perhaps he's buying it himself, goes to show the inner workings of my mind. But yeah plus-sized is not so plus-sized anyway, and you're much better off getting underwear in the right size it is way more flattering. Trying to fit into a teeny tiny size will actually make you look bigger.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
What the heck is BBW?
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
yeah, I agree with cordata and others. If you're a typical size 6 with a smaller cup size, the website may not even be related to you. He may just be enjoying looking at those BBW sites and/or he may be buying it for someone else (himself or other ladies--and yes, imho, if he's buying a lingerie for another woman, bbw or not, he's probably cheating). If you are a borderline size, either 12/14 or even more, or have bigger size cups, there's a possibility that he just thinks you're very well endowed hence you need appropriate undies for your size. Which ones are you? It's only you who really know, OP. And why don't you mention it to your bf? Perhaps you should consider too why you're checking up on him. Good luck.
cordata cordata 7 years
I don't even understand this comment. If you have typical size 6 measurements, then the plus-sized lingerie site probably has nothing to do with you. If you're well-endowed, maybe he thinks that's why you need a "plus sized" bra. If you are a size 12 or over, maybe those are the only websites he knew of where he was sure to find something that would fit you. Why don't you just ask him why he was looking at those sites??? It would save you a lot of needless hang wringing and body insecurity
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 7 years
Hey autumns_Eleg there are some plus size stores that carry size 12/14. I know that lane bryant and torrid both carry size 12/14 and I believe a few others do too. I think plus size varies with each company. OP I agree with the majority, he was just trying to buy you a gift he didn't mean any harm.
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