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How do I Tell my Parents He Moved In?

Dear Sugar--
My fiance and I have been together since July 2006. I love him and couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I have met the man that I want to have children with, live through good times and bad, and spend the rest of my life with. In December of 2006, he moved into my apartment. We love each other and wanted to start getting out of debt so that we could save up for a house, engagement ring, and wedding.

I am 28 and have been living on my own since April 2006, and I am a very responsible adult. My question is, how should I let my parents in on the knowledge about my fiance and I already
living together. They are extremely old fashioned and don't believe in living together before marriage, but are aware that I am having financial difficulty. My siblings know that we are living together and although they swear they haven't told my parents, it is going to slip eventually, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
--Moved In Molly

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Moved In Molly--

There is really only one thing you can do here Molly, and that is to just be honest with them about your living situation. While I am sure you respect your parents' old fashioned values and position on cohabitation before marriage, it sounds like you have made an adult decision to do what is right for you and your future with this man. Starting a life together is expensive so I don't blame you for wanting to get a jump start on saving for your future.

Some families abide by the don't ask don't tell policy, but since you have now been living together for six months, I think it is about time to truth came out. You're right, it's just a matter of time before your secret slips out, so I am sure your parents would appreciate hearing the news straight form the horse's mouth so to speak.

It is obvious that the repercussions of the truth won't be too severe since you didn't hesitate to make the move without consulting your parents, so sit them down, face to face, and give them the news. Explain to them exactly what you told me and hopefully they will be understanding and supportive. Good luck!

Join The Conversation
nessabum nessabum 10 years
i say tell them. they might get disappointed, but you're 28. you make your own decisions. they need to respect your decision.
gangstaLOVER707 gangstaLOVER707 10 years
hmmm.... you should just be straight out and tell them.. they'd rather hear it from you then somebody else... eventually they'll have to get used to it... besides he's your fiance, the love of your life right? He must be worth it then...
katie225 katie225 10 years
my parents couldn't wait to get me out of the house, whether it was moving in with my boyfriend or a gaggle of girls. they were like, "take her. please." and i was 19 at the time, talk about anxious.
rubialala rubialala 10 years
My fiance moved in with me and we never told my parents. We got married 6 months later, have been married for 8 years, and they still don't know!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
just tell them the truth, the big flashy wedding (and a diamond worthy of you) are more important than the commitment the ceremony represents. i'm pretty sure that will be the end of it. if not, drop the part about having lied to them since december. that will be the final blow, realizing what they tried to teach you didn't take and they will just have to see where the wind takes you.
Marci Marci 10 years
Congratulations on your engagement! It's always nice to hear when someone meets the person they want to share their life with. Insofar as your now living with your fiance, I say just tell your parents. You already know they'll be disappointed so you won't get sideswiped by any unexpected emotions. I think they'll be upset at first, but most parents just want to see their kids happy and living a life that agrees with them; so I'd expect in time they'll get over it. And once you're married, it'll all but be forgotten.
ChiTownEm ChiTownEm 10 years
This is so funny, this exact same situation happened to me. My fiance and I started living together for all the same reasons, financially and emotionally. Although I didn't tell my dad for a YEAR!!! ( I am a chicken, I know) Anyway, one day, my dad out of the blue came to visit me (I am in Chicago and he is in California) and asked if he could stay with me. I had to fess up! So I called him and said, "Dad, I need to tell you something before you stay." and he said to me, "Is it something I already know?" I was floored. Apparently I am a REALLY bad liar. He had figured it out a long time ago and was laughing at me the whole time until I came clean. And then we had a really good conversation about it. I talked to him like the adult I am, explained our situation and how committed we are to each other, and he was great about it. It is hard for parents to realize that there kids choose their own path, but it sounds like they love you and it sounds like you are very responsible, so don't be afraid to be honest. (And don't be surprised if they already know!) Good luck!
cubadog cubadog 10 years
Blue is right your a grown up so act like one and tell your parents. They will get over it if they haven't already figured it out.
andaman andaman 10 years
Tell your folks you are comfortable with the idea and if it's a mistake you're willing to live through it.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
you also have to assume that your parents might have an inkling that even if he's not living there, he's at least spending some nights there. i know it won't be easy but no matter how traditional, parents aren't as in the dark as we might take them to be. you ARE marrying him so that should ease the discomfort a little for them. good luck and CONGRATS on getting married!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
if you're old enough to move in with your boyfriend, you're old enough to tell your parents. you're an adult, you don't need to ask their permission. just tell them, even if they're upset for a bit they'll get over it. and if they don't, who cares? you're getting married soon anyways.
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