Skip Nav
33 Ways to Keep Everyone Warm and Dry at Your Fall or Winter Wedding
19 Tasteful Nude Tattoos That Celebrate The Female Form
The Way This Couple Incorporated All Their Loved Ones in Their Wedding Is So Beautiful

Hump Day: Is My Cold Sore Contagious?

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I know that cold sores are the same virus as herpes. Is it a bad idea to go down on my boy when I have one? Is it transmissible that way?” To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say,


Dr. Glickman's Answer:


There are two types of herpes virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2. Oral herpes is usually HSV-1 and it’s estimated that 80 percent of the population has been exposed to it. Genital herpes is usually HSV-2 and it’s estimated that 25 percent of women and 12 percent of men have it. However, genital herpes can be caused by either version of the virus, so going down on someone when you have a cold sore (another name for a herpes outbreak) can spread it. To make things a bit more complicated, only about 1/3 of the people who have genital herpes are aware of it — either they’ve never had an outbreak or the outbreak was very mild. (See for more info.)


Part of what makes herpes tricky is that it can be transmitted even when you don’t have a visible outbreak. The virus lives in your nervous system and every so often, it’ll come to the surface. It’s especially likely to happen when you’re sick or have been stressed for a while. There’s evidence that the virus starts shedding from the skin (and is therefore potentially contagious) before any visible symptoms. It’s a low risk, but it’s a possibility. To make matters worse, if the site of the shedding isn’t covered by a condom, it can be spread even when you’re practicing safer sex.

While herpes can be uncomfortable, it doesn’t represent nearly as much risk as other sexually transmissible infections (STIs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, human papilloma virus (HPV), or HIV. Having said that, there’s evidence that HSV-2 makes HIV transmission more likely. See this article for more information about how that works.

It’s also worth mentioning that I’ve seen a lot of people get really upset about STIs when they don’t get nearly as upset about any other health issue. I’ve also seen a lot of people who have all sorts of judgment about STIs but think nothing of going to work and sharing their flu germs (or worse)! STIs can be unpleasant, annoying, or life-threatening, but they don’t mean anything about the person who has them any more than chicken pox or measles do. Negative attitudes about STIs are a holdover from before we invented antibiotics and when diseases such as syphilis were seen as the wages of sin. But now we know that they’re just germs and we don’t need to shame people for having them. (Not that I’m saying that you’re doing that, but I wanted to mention it.)

The best thing that we can all do is to get tested for STIs regularly, even if you’ve never had a symptom. Lots of people have STIs and don’t know it. Check your local Planned Parenthood or other agency for information, although I recommend going with anonymous testing in order to ensure your privacy.

And safer sex is always a good choice. It’s easy to do, with a little practice. Using a lubricant can make safer sex more enjoyable since latex tends to have a bit more friction than skin. Try a silicone-based brand if you’re prone to yeast infections. Water-based brands are a bit easier to clean up since they rinse away.

If you or your partner don’t like the way condoms feel, try a different brand. The Japanese-process condoms such as Maxx and Skinless Skin are more sheer than other types. Or you could give Skyn a whirl. It’s made from polyisoprene, rather than latex, so it’s very sheer and both people will get more sensation.

Given that you have oral herpes, you might want to talk with your boyfriend about using condoms for oral sex. If you go that route, change the condom before having intercourse. That will make sure that you don’t spread the herpes virus to your vulva or vagina. It’ll also reduce the risk of your condom breaking; teeth can cause small abrasions that weaken the condom.

For an excellent, sex-positive read on safer sex, check out The Hot Guide to Safer Sex . It’s full of helpful advice and great tips.

Join The Conversation
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
What's the difference between canker sores and herpes type 1? How can you tell which is which?
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
You can get herpes sores on the attached mucosa inside your mouth though. Meaning on your gums or on the roof of your mouth, hard tissue. I had an outbreak inside of my mouth last summer and it was horrible. You can even get them inside your nose and in your eyes. Thankfully I only have HSV type I and my outbreaks are few and far between.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 8 years
Canker sores can't turn into Herpes. I'm not sure if Canker sores are a viral infection, but one virus can't really turn into another. It's kinda like HIV turning into the flu. (Though, given how fast HIV evolves that may be possible) Herpes is pretty gnarly, it's fairly widespread in Australia and it gets the most attention during sex ed. We almost see it as a pimple, not as an STI now.
PirateKitty PirateKitty 8 years
I am curious about canker sores. Is this a similar virus, can it turn into herpes on other places? I have gotten them in my mouth since i was little and I dont want to risk spreading that!
Beauty Beauty 8 years
What sham28 said. I have a few friends who've told me that they have the big H, and it's not an easy thing for them to talk about. So if you have friends or you're dating someone who tells you about it, be compassionate. It really is just another virus, and anyone can get a virus, so it isn't the total disaster that people make it out to be. Am I lining up outside Herpes Mart to get some HSV? No, but I also know that if I were to contract it, life would not be over. And yeah, if you have that tingly feeling on your lip or an active sore, no kissin' or anything.
emmebeth emmebeth 8 years
lolita89- I think you missed much of what Dr. Glickman was trying to say. Saying it's "nasty" is harsh judgement.
sham28 sham28 8 years
And it IS incredibly stigmatized and it's important if anyone ever tells you they have it to recognize how scary it must be for them to be honest with you and be incredibly compassionate. ANYONE could end up with herpes, and some very responsible people are just very unlucky (like my friend).
sham28 sham28 8 years
YEEESSS YOU CAN!!! My friend's boyfriend (FIRST BOYFRIEND) went down on her with a cold sore. He was her first, they were together for years, she was NEVER promiscuous, she's the sweetest person in the world, and now she has to have an awful conversation with a boy when they want to move beyond kissing.
Angela123 Angela123 8 years
so can you give it to him by going down on him when you DON'T have a cold sore? Because that virus never goes away, right?
mamasitamalita mamasitamalita 8 years
Health Risks of Having Sex in the Pool, Lake, Hot Tub, or Ocean
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pit File For Divorce | Video
Male Birth Control | Video
#IBelieveYou Supports Sexual Assault Victims (Video)
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds