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I Can't Manage To Ex Out Ex

I Can't Manage To Ex Out Ex

Dear Sugar
I had a fantastic second date last night. We have so much in common it's unbelievable. We talked for six hours straight and I didn't want the date to end. He's smart and articulate, has a ton of friends, is an athlete (like myself), loves to travel, is involved with charities, adores his career, and he happens to be very, very funny.

This really scares me though. There are two things that are holding me back; the first is that he is eight days younger than my ex and the second is that he resembles my ex.

The back-story is that my ex boyfriend and I dated for three years and I thought we were going to get married. We basically just grew apart and we broke up seven months ago. If it weren't for those things, I'd go for this guy. I thought if I saw him again these details wouldn't matter, but they still do. I don't know why I am afraid to open my heart again.

I know that he's a better match than my ex and I, but I guess I'm just not over him yet even though I want to be. It's been really hard to come to terms with us not being a couple anymore. I wanted to marry him and I miss our old life together; our inside jokes and our easy dynamic together.

At the same time, this new guy is bright and way more mature than my ex. I've never felt this way about anyone. What's wrong with me? I don't want to rush into something because I really want to get married the next time around. I want to make a good choice so I don't get hurt again; I couldn't bear the pain of another break up. What are your thoughts? Sentimental Celine

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Sentimental Celine
This guy sounds fantastic. Stop worrying about everything that could go wrong and relax. Who cares that he is six days older or younger than your ex. What does that have to do with anything important? You are completely psyching yourself out. You've figured out that he's perfect for you and you've discovered that you can fall in love again, that's wonderful.

Take it for what it's worth and enjoy his company. Where is it going to get you if everytime you go out on a date with someone all you can think about is that you don't want to get hurt by them? This guy is a person like you, looking to fall in love.

If the only thing wrong with him is that he looks like your ex, well all I can say is that nobody's perfect. If you aren't over your ex yet, then get over him starting today ... OR stop dating for a while until you feel more healed. It's not fair to any date if you are comparing them to your ex. You aren't letting yourself be open to anybody, so what's the point in starting something new right now?

Think about what you are holding onto. If in your heart you really feel like your ex is the one for you, then call him and do what you need to do to get him back. But I don't recommend it. You keep forgetting that He's An Ex For A Reason. I think you should start thinking about how you can move on and actually find happiness with a new man.

Once you are ready to date again, then you just need to focus on relaxing a little more on new dates. Take them one step at a time and only tackle the problems that you are actually faced with; not the hypothetical ones. Good luck.

Join The Conversation
yayita yayita 10 years
Give it a try! Take it easy and see what happens
MandiMark1 MandiMark1 10 years
you said you miss your ex because of all the inside jokes you had together, but just think of how many you can have with the new guy! and don't you love the idea of starting a new relationship with all the flirting? who knows, you might even be with this guy for a while and realize that he does so many little things that your ex wouldn't do. i say, give it a shot, because if it's not meant to be, you'll find out one way or another.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
Wait, I don't get why it matters that he's 8 days younger than your ex. It sounds like you're just scared and trying to latch on to any reason not to like this guy. I can understand that, but you'll just end up getting hurt anyway if you close down and hide out. You might as well take a chance for real happiness.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
GL hun as always DS gives the best advice.
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