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I Don't Share

I Don't Share

Dear Sugar
I met a guy that I started seeing casually about a year ago. Six months in, I found out he had not one, but two other women he was dating. He claimed it was because he wasn't sure where things were going with us and kept them around as a kind of back up plan.

After reassuring him of my feelings, he still seems to be stringing these women along. I have gotten pretty attached to this guy and and we have talked about a future together, but there is still this nagging feeling, call it a woman's intuition, that his need for attention from other women will interfere with what is otherwise a great partnership.

He is admittedly a jerk in this area and is willing to work on it, but how long do I wait to see if he can date me exclusively? I know there is always a risk in trusting someone, but I just don't know how much more effort I should give to this relationship. Blurred Bonnie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Blurred Bonnie
If your woman's intuition is telling you this guy is not right for you, I would take a good hard listen and follow your instincts. The fact that your boyfriend is still stringing these women along after you have voiced your concerns and been honest with your feelings is a huge red flag.

Your boyfriend's desire to gain attention from other women is a clear sign of insecurity, and your feelings should not have to suffer as a result. I don't blame you for not wanting to share your boyfriend, and an ultimatum might be in order. Trust is crucial in every relationship so if he isn't reassuring you of your doubts, you might want to reevaluate this partnership.

Join The Conversation
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. unless you want to feel like crap all the time when you are with him
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
i just figured it out; john tucker must die!
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
Don't waste your time. He has lil man syndrome with a huge ego. Put him in his place and tell him he 'just ain't doin' it for ya!' WHY must women get 411 from other women when clearly they can see for themselves that they're in a 'one sided' relationship!
carbizkate carbizkate 10 years
Tell the jerk to hit the road! You don't deserve to be treated like that.
KimmiAnn KimmiAnn 10 years
RuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuN! I would rather die a thousand deaths than to see my mother's dress on that spoiled, selfish cow! Danielle - Ever After
nicachica nicachica 10 years
14 comments and all of them say the same thing: LEAVE HIM! you deserve better and if your best friend was in the same situation, you know what you would say to her. you don't need to be with a player like that, especially if you want monogamy and he CLEARLY does not. good luck.
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 10 years
ur dating a guy who is dating 2 other women... um hello?? what are u waiting for.. LEAVE him!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
LOL @ Valeri! That was awesome.
Marci Marci 10 years
My exact thoughts, Valeri. You're all being strung along by this guy, and you have no idea what he's telling each of the other two girls; probably the same thing he's telling you. Lose him. Fast.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
omg, this is ridiculous. there are actually 3 women being strung along here. you named two of them; can you name the third?
vmruby vmruby 10 years
I have learned to always trust my instincts. Trust yours.You obviously know what he's all about and for the life of me i can't imagine why you would even discuss having a future with him.Get the hell away from him as soon as possible.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 10 years
Walk, don't run, to the nearest exit. In my experience, these guys NEVER commit, at least not in the way you want to. Sure, he may eventually come around to you, but do you really want to wait and see how long that's gonna take? You ever hear those women who say, "I've been dating my boyfriend for (more that 6 years) and I'm still waiting for him to commit"? Don't be one of those women! You deserve better and I'm sure there's a guy just waiting for you to dump this loser so he can give you the world! You can't be so thirsty you drink the sand, ya know what I mean? -the ceeg
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
Get out now, you've already wasted a year. During this year two things were proven: 1. you can carry on a mature and exclusive relationship 2. HE CAN'T!
Jinx Jinx 10 years
Say Good Bye, unless you want to stay casual. ------------------------------------------------------ Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. — Albert Einstein
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I agree with Dear Sugar 100% you don't want to risk getting hurt and having to spend months trying to move on. If you're looking for a serious, committed, loving relationship he needs to be looking for the same thing!
getstinko getstinko 10 years
You smoking crack? you know the answer
honey31 honey31 10 years
Player!Move on he is a waste of your time there are more fish in the sea!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
Agree with the others. Run run run! The "backup plan" excuse seems like a line to me. What else could he say... I like dating a few chicks at a time? I don't think so. You will always worry about this, even if he claims to have left them behind. Listen to your gut.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
By your own admission you said you have dated this guy casually over the last year. If he didn't commit to you after 6 months he is not going to. You need to end it with him. At this point he just wants to play. Move on.
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 10 years
In my opinion... RUN AWAY!!!! TINA!
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