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I Don't Trust My Girlfriend

I Don't Trust My Girlfriend

Dear Sugar
I am in a very good relationship with my girlfriend of fourteen months. I love her so much in every possible way. My girlfriend is in school and has been making new friends lately, which I don't mind since I work full time. While she tells me about all her new girlfriends, she conveniently leaves out the guy friends. While I know that there is no need to panic, I know she has friends and I trust her, I just get very jealous when I see her walking to class with guys I don't know.

The other night, she checked her cell phone bill on my home computer. When she left, I checked mine as well. I noticed a high bill even though I had just made a payment so I looked into the call history. After finding random calls made in the middle of the night I realized I was in my girlfriend's account. Who was she talking to at all hours of the night?

I recently picked a fight with her because I am bothered about her late night phone calls. I want to totally trust my girlfriend, and I know that sometimes I read into minor things and turn them into a big deal, but this making me sick. I am sure she is just talking to her school friends, and I plan to tell her that I read her bill, I just need some advice because I am afraid I'm ruining this relationship by behaving this way. Can you help? Crazed Chris

To see DEARUGAR's answer

Dear Crazed Chris
I am wondering if you have a history of betrayal that makes you sensitive to trusting someone that you are in a relationship with? Has your girlfriend ever broken your trust in the past? If you are doubting your girlfriend, I think the best thing to do is talk to her about it.

Going behind her back by checking her cell phone log is an invasion of privacy. Although you say you trust her, it doesn't sound like you do. I happen to agree that her late night chats are concerning, and that is why I think you should talk to her about what's going on before jumping to any conclusions. This behavior could very well drive her away, so nipping your insecurities in the bud needs to be your top priority.

Relationships are built on trust, so if you are feeling insecure you might want to reevaluate your relationship and work through any issues you and your girlfriend might be having. Be open and honest, hopefully this was all a misunderstanding and you can use this as a learning experience.

Join The Conversation
ishtar ishtar 10 years
hahaha i said the same thing like 3 times ^. sorry for overexplaining, i hope you understood what i meant!
ishtar ishtar 10 years
have you had insecurity issues before with her? if so, that may be why she is leaving out talking about the guys. when i first started grad school and my boyfriend was in another school, i never mentioned any guys. however, that was because i didn't have any guy friends to talk about. but i would feel all the time like he thought i was leaving them out when i talked about new friends because he had been insecure in the past. i felt like he thought i was leaving them out so as to save his feelings which could be happening in your case, but wasn't happening in mine. i actually didn't have any guy friends. please talk to her about this though before you ruin anything. i remember when my boyfriend and i first went to grad school and he made new friends i was soooo insecure and kept asking where he was going etc etc and it actually did ruin it. so please talk it out and tell her you saw her bill by accident. also, you say you have no need to panic and you trust her, but obviously you don't whether that be warrented or just based on your own insecurity. you need to sit down and have a talk. hope it goes well. good luck!
Kgirl99 Kgirl99 10 years
i would say it depends on what kind of school she is attending and what her major is if she is in undergrad. some majors like biology and the other harder sciences require a lot of group work/help, so that might explain her being on the phone a lot. if she is in grad school, there is even more reason for her to be on the phone with her friends. it's hard! i broke up with my boyfriend soon after attending law school because he was jealous of my guy friends and demanded that i drop them all. it was a very unreasonable demand and he could just not understand that law school was really hard for me and required me getting a lot of discussion/help from others. he knew i never cheated on him nor thought of it, but his jealousy ruined everything at the end. HTH
kh61582 kh61582 10 years
My advice is going to be very different from the others. First of all, don't tell you you saw her account. You never know when you might want to have access to that information again and if you tell her she'll be on the look out for that. I know trust is important but as I know from person experience, if you date someone who likes to withhold information you need a way to get the reassurance you need. On the other hand, I do think you might be blowing this situation up a little bit. The calls in the middle of the night are only unusual if she normally doesn't do that. Obviously, you would know better than I if hta's true or not.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
U have jealousy issues so she isnt going to mention guys and if ur so curious about who shes calling just do it. Find out who it is. Or you can be a man and talk to her about it. Or since your already proving you dont trust her just end it.
pinkangelmonkey pinkangelmonkey 10 years
aw i like dearsugar's advice. i think the best thing would be to talk to her. you have been together for long enough that you should feel comfortable talking to her about any problems or questions you have. the unknown will eat you alive but you should trust her and respect her by not checking her phone bill again. once you find yourself snooping or accidentally snooping around it becomes easy to keep doing it. good luck but if you dont talk to her i have a feeling it will just get worse!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
jebus, if you get jealous when you see her walking with guys you don't know no wonder she doesn't mention them. i dated an insecure guy who was always checking up on me to make sure i wasn't cheating on him and it was simply awful. we didn't last long.
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