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I Don't Want To Be Her Bridesmaid

I Don't Want To Be Her Bridesmaid

Dear Sugar
A friend of mine secretly got married 3 years ago. They had a private ceremony at their house, and the only purpose for the wedding was so his kids could legally live with them. They told their friends about the wedding a few months later. Now, they are having "the real wedding." She wants this to be a big event preceded by showers, a bachelorette party and ... bridesmaids! How can I politely decline being a part of this? She is my friend, but I feel like the time has long passed for me to participate in her wedding plans. Bridesmaid No More

Dear Bridesmaid No More
You are going to hurt her feelings if you tell you that you think her wedding plans are ridiculous. But, you can offer her some perspective about how it made you feel to find out that she was secretly married. Now that she wants to have this elaborate celebratory event, you feel like a lot of the excitement has passed. Why don't you suggest she have a little lingerie shower just for her best friends and keep it simple and small. Take her out for a night on the town if it's what she really wants (who could really pass on a fun girls night out anyway) but tell her that the whole bridesmaid, same dress thing just isn't going to happen for you - and you hope she can understand.

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