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Will I Ever Be Able To Get Over My Ex?

Dear Sugar
I just got out of a horrible two year relationship. I met my ex boyfriend during my senior year of high school and he was everything I had ever hoped for. He was always there for me when I needed someone and we instantly became best friends who spent all of our time together. We both ended up going though hard times with our families and as a result, we both turned to drugs.

We separated after high school and attended different colleges, but remained extremely close. While I chose to clean up my act in college, my boyfriend's drug habit spiraled out of control. Last October he came to visit me at school and I could barely relate to him. He began to be very emotionally abusive and had uncontrollable mood swings.

We ended up fighting the entire weekend and I finally kicked him out of my apartment after he stole money out of my purse, became physically forceful with me, and used drugs despite all of my concerns for him. I am sad to not have him in my life anymore, but I know I did the right thing by breaking up with him.

Currently, I am 19 years old and a sophomore in college. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life but I am so afraid to trust or be close to anyone again. What can I do to put this horrible relationship in my past? Moving on Melissa

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Moving on Melissa
I am so sorry you experienced such a terrible relationship. It sounds as though your boyfriend needs to get help with his drug addiction and mental health. Oftentimes people try to stay together through the bad times, because they are afraid of hurting or abandoning someone by breaking up with them, but I think you did the right thing by ending this relationship.

You are a smart young woman and no man should ever treat you this way. You should be very proud of yourself for standing up to your boyfriend. Since you have been through such a traumatic experience, it may be beneficial for you to speak to a guidance counselor at your school or a therapist to help work through your fears and concerns.

Moving on from a breakup will not happen overnight so be patient with yourself. It might be hard for you to see right now, but not all men are like your ex boyfriend. Many men out there are: trustworthy, honest, loving and caring. Although you fear you will be alone forever, with time, this relationship will be a part of your past and an experience you will have grown from.

Be open and honest with your feelings and learn to lean on your friends and family for support. All of life's experiences, both good and bad help you mature and grow. I have faith that you will not be alone forever. Good luck.

Join The Conversation
getstinko getstinko 10 years
young love is crazy in the scope of life as you get older. I'm almost 40 and I'm disgusted that a 19 year old would say they'd never find love again. Honey, you can find better love than that next week. Life is long, never compromise your standards
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
"be alone forever"? you started seeing this guy at a pretty young age and now you are just 19! you have your whole life ahead of you. the intense feelings of a first love are intense partly because you've never experienced them before. here's a nice guy who listens to you and is kind and supportive; what's not to like? but then life comes a knocking and he gets sidelined with issues that you don't want any part of. when you are out of high school the whole world is there for you, no more "closed campus" so to speak. your next love (there will be more, believe me) will be fabulous in an entirely different way. more sophisticated, more opinionated, etc. and the one after that (yes, it just keeps going) will be wonderful in his own way too. take the good memories from this last relationship with you on the journey to who you will become. he loved you first, but trust me, he did not love you best. somewhere out there is a man wondering where his miss wonderful is and one of these days the 2 of you will meet. so go have some adventures and enjoy your college years, i agree with the last poster; they are good, good times.
mkat mkat 10 years
Great advice. I agree, since I feel like I just got over my last relationship that ended more than a year ago. One day when you are ready, you will suddenly stop missing him as a part of your life. It might feel like forever, but that day will come. Time to enjoy life. College should be one of the best years!
lifer_refil lifer_refil 10 years
:) Great advice.
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