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I Feel Inivisible And Easily Replaced

Dear Sugar
My close friend and I recently started to grow apart and it's very upsetting to me. She had a huge falling out with her last best friend about six months ago and that is when we met. The past six months together have been so much fun. I've just gone through a terrible break-up and I've been leaning on her a lot, until now.

She and her other friend (the one she had the argument with) are now back in touch. They've made amends and are now inseparable again. I barely hear from her anymore and I am having a hard time coping with the loss of my new friend.

I've actually begun to feel pretty depressed about this and have started to cut myself with razor blades and jagged, broken glass edges on my wrist. Don't worry, I'm not trying to kill myself - it just really helps take my mind off how I feel and releases my pain.

I am worried about the future of our relationship and for my health. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about what is so wrong with me that both she and my ex have no problem dropping me from their lives without a hitch. I feel invisible. Lonely Laney

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Loney Laney
I know that you are sad. Coping with loss can be extremely difficult and put you into a place of self doubt. But try and remember all that you mean to the rest of the world. Think of your place in your family and the contributions you make in society, just by being you.

When did you decide to give this girl and your ex so much power over you? They are the ones losing out by not having you in their lives; and this so called close friend of yours sounds awful. She's fair-weather and selfish. Good riddance to her!

Let's talk more about your nasty little self masochistic habit. I understand your need for numbness, but causing physical harm to your body is not the answer. Some people turn to drinking, drugs and other self destructive vices in times of despair, but none of these are good decisions. Understand that no one deserves to be physically punished. You will give yourself permanent scars, subject yourself to infection, or worse, hit a major vein by mistake and commit suicide.

Deliberately hurting yourself for the purpose of coping, releasing stress or emotional strife without intention of suicide is called self-injury. It typically means that a person is in emotional pain/distress. It shows its face in many forms such as:

  • Cutting your skin
  • Punching yourself or other objects
  • burning yourself
  • pulling out your hair
  • breaking your bones or causing bruising to yourself
  • plucking hair for hours on end

Once the act is over, people often feel relieved at first and then a wave of shame and embarrassment hits. Does this happen to you? The negative feelings that strike you now will make quitting all the harder because you'll want to self injure again to make these feelings go away.

You can overcome the urge to mutilate yourself. Talk to your parents, your doctor, or someone that you trust, like a teacher or religious leader. If you would rather remain anonymous, please contact the Self-Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E.) Alternatives Program here or call their information line at 1-800-DONT-CUT (800-366-8288). If ever there is an emergency, please call 911 ASAP.

Join The Conversation
LaylaCams LaylaCams 10 years
Have you tried to talk to the friends? I mean, maybe all three of you guys could hang out. The "don't worry" in your entry makes me believe that you still do not understand that cutting yourself is a big deal. Whether it's suicide or self mutilation it's still depressing. Talk to your old friend, you definitely need someone there for you. Also, maybe medical attention would be good.
la_clique la_clique 10 years
You deserve better than this. It really hurts to be used, especially when you are in need of a real friend. You need to talk to someone professional who knows how to help you. Cutting, etc... is pretty common, as disturbing as it is. You can get over it, I wish you the very best. Taking the steps to seek help is very brave, and I really respect you for reaching out.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
It's obvious you are seeking help. You should call a doctor and get some advice from a professional instead of us. NOTHING is bad enough to screw your body up that way. What is it really accomplishing? I mean , really? Nothing but putting permanent scars on 'your' arm. Invest in a punching for me, keeps me from rippin' peoples heads off, NOT............just tryin' to make you laugh a lil....but...when I do get hurt or pissed I really do go beat the crap out of my punching the end when I'm all tired and breathin' hard and my Adrenalin is pumped, I usually laugh because , of course , in the end the bag kicks my arse..hehe., oh, and NO chick is worth ruining your body like that? There are way too many other 'friends' in this world. I'm thinkin' professional help is right up your alley*
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
Clearly you are depressed. Self-injury does not fall within the normal parameters of sadness... I was a self-mutilator throughout my teenage years so I can relate. For about five years I was painting with my blood, carving disgusting words into my body, making deep wounds all over my arms, using any instrument I could find. Glass, razors, broken plastic, mirror shards, steak knives, hunting knives, lighters, etc. It is not normal for you to be mutilating yourself over the loss of a friend or the loss of anyone, for that matter. I suggest you seek counseling for your depression. When those melancholic feelings subside, the self-injury will stop.
missnomi missnomi 10 years
dear lonely laney, dear couldn't be more right. first of all, a friend that drops you like this is NOT a good friend. there are plenty others who will be. second, I understand you miss her, and the good times you had together, in the future perhaps you should try to focus on more than one friend, spread the risks, so to speak. Believe me, this will also minimise the chance that the people with whom you do become close will abuse you like this. You will attract people that are not focused on claiming you only to fill their empty lives, but rather people who appreciate you for who you are. Third, I guess I mean that the best way to attract people who are genuinely nice to you is to be nice for yourself. Start by no longer cutting, or finding help. And be very PROUD of yourself for doing that, because it is a great feat and you can do it!
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