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I Feel Sad After Sex

Group Therapy: I Feel Sad After Sex

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Has anyone else experienced this before? Just FYI my boyfriend and I are in a long-term relationship and are in our late twenties.

It's not every time, but sometimes after we have sex, I feel sad. I don't even know how to describe it. I think sometimes I feel kind of used after sex and I feel sad because of this fact. It was amazing while we were doing it, but after a while when we are just cuddling in front of the TV, I don't feel like talking anymore and have these feelings of sadness. I want to blame it on the fact that it was my "off week" while on birth control pills, but I'm wondering if this is normal? I don't have any previous traumatizing issues with sex or anything like that. And we do both love each other. I do feel better after I sleep on it. Any ideas?

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GZO GZO 5 years
I've definitely heard of, and even experienced (though not intensely), sadness after sex. It's more common than people think. From Go Ask Alice ( "Many people experience a drop in serotonin levels during or just after having an orgasm. Serotonin is the neurotransmitter in the brain that helps maintain feelings of contentment or happiness. Serotonin is great for the mood, but too much of it is not good for sex. Why might this be? The reason is unclear, but one piece of evidence for this theory can be found in the effects of a particular class of anti-depressants. One common side-effect of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac is a decrease in sex drive and a "dulling" of orgasms. Ironically, treatment for severe post-coital depression, where people feel severely depressed for a day or more after having an orgasm, includes SSRIs. Many people report that, while the orgasms are less intense on SSRIs, the post-orgasm crash disappears. Another physiological explanation for your feelings could be related to prolactin levels in the blood stream. Prolactin, a hormone related to fertility, can spike just after orgasm and this can cause a depressed mood, as well. One additional physical explanation comes by way of the amygdala, the structure in the brain that regulates the flight-or-fight response. During sex, the activity in the amygdala decreases, but after sex, there can sometimes be a rebound effect, where the amygdala becomes overactive for a period of time. This, too, could be contributing to your feelings." The feeling used thing is something to look into, though. KeLynns' comment is a good one. Ask yourself those questions. Also, do you feel like there is a definite commitment in your future with your boyfriend? Like marriage (or whatever your ultimate commitment goal is)? Or do you feel like it's going nowhere? Maybe reached its peak? It's one thing to love each other, but it's another thing to want to spend the rest of your lives together. Maybe you want--need--more emotionally from the relationship, and are worried that it's never going to come and so the sex brings out those feelings. Or I could just be projecting my own feelings onto your post...
dashsuede dashsuede 5 years
Are you climaxing? If not, that may be a reason you feel used, then sad.
juicebox07 juicebox07 5 years
This used to happen to me all the time. It hasn't in months though because I haven't had sex in months. :( I think it's just the rush of hormones.
KeLynns KeLynns 5 years
This is a rhetorical question just for you to think about, not get all detaily on the internet, but - Does he do something that makes you feel "used"? Does he sweet talk you you into having sex when you don't want to, or does he like to play "sexy games" or talk dirty in a way that feels hot in the moment, but disrespectful when you're mulling it over later? I'm not trying to say that he IS being disrespectful or that he's doing anything wrong, but for example a lot of women would LOVE to be called a "dirty little slut" and think it's super hot, while other women would feel HORRIBLY offended by it. Stuff like that, or even less obvious stuff like if he's a little rougher than you'd like or whatever. Maybe you feel used/sad because it isn't the kind of sex you'd like to be having, so it leaves you unfulfilled/annoyed/degraded even if that's not his intention at all. You might even love stuff he's doing while it's going on, but when you're out of that rush of lust and just sitting on the couch with him, it doesn't feel right anymore.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
Your body releases an incredible amount of endorphins and hormones during sex, so what you're experiencing could be a sort of "crash". Especially since you're on hormonal birth control, talk to your doctor about it. There are a lot of different options out there that could help. The feeling used is also a red flag. You say he loves you, but having sex with him makes you feel used. Is it because he gets 90% of the attention in bed and doesn't make sure you get yours? If so, talk to him about it. The conversation may be awkward but it's better than feeling used by someone you love.
Yellowrose1 Yellowrose1 5 years
You said you feel used after having sex - this may be due to how you feel about yourself, sex and your relationship. Is your relationship how you want it to be? Is he loving and supportive? You might feel not emotionally connected to him so that's why the sex feels empty or sad. Re-evaluate your relationship. Birth control pills can also affect how you feel.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
hormones, your own and the artificial. Also, you may need to focus a bit more on the emotional connection. Talk to your bf about how your feeling, and spend some time connecting, no tv, no distractions, tantra wise, breathing together, touching, being intimate, but not having intercourse sometimes. Put the focus somewhere else. yes, talk to you gyno about your bcontrol. blessed be
Not-Princess22 Not-Princess22 5 years
I used to feel like this when I was on birth control. I changed to the Evra patches and my life changed, ask your doctor about them
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