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I Found Stockings And A Phone # In His Briefcase

Dear Sugar
My husband and I have a great relationship and we rarely argue. A few months ago, we ordered food in and when it arrived he handed me his wallet to pay for our food. As I was placing his wallet back in his drawer, a piece of paper fell out. To my dismay it was his ex's phone number handwritten by her with a heart at the end of her name. My jaw literally dropped and my heart stopped...I didn't say a word.

Soon after that, he asked me to grab driving directions out of his briefcase. While I was looking for the paperwork, I found women's pantyhose balled up in the side compartment. Again, I felt like I was going to die. In the 8 yrs that we have been together, not once have I doubted his faithfulness.

After a couple of weeks of "brain chatter" I finally confronted him about the pantyhose and he acted shocked and then accused me of putting them in his briefcase just so I could start a fight. Upon closer inspection they seemed to be new and unused (as a woman I know). He claimed that he had no idea where they came from. I never said anything about the phone number that I found (which I kept). Should I be worried? I've asked him if he's still in contact with her and he always says no. I am in total disbelief of what I've found and don't know what to do. Wondering Wife

Dear Wondering Wife
I'm a pessimist so my answer is yes - you should be VERY worried. Why you didn't question the phone number? And why you even entertained a few weeks of "brain chatter" is beyond me! 2 things:

  • 1. Evidence: He asked you to go into his briefcase. That's where the stockings were. I think it's safe to say that he's the one who started the fight. Maybe he was in disbelief that you hadn't mentioned the ex's phone number so he had to do something drastic and lead you directly into the evidence.
  • 2. Dishonesty: I hope you realize that he lied to you about both the phone number and the stockings. He said that he's not in contact with his ex, yet he has her handwritten, heart encrusted digits...IN HIS WALLET! And stockings don't magically appear in a briefcase, he's right about that. So who put them there? It could be him, the ex or another woman entirely. Bottom line is that he's lying to you about something and someone.

I know you want so badly to turn the other cheek and pretend this isn't happening - but it is. Try and picture a life without him and start making some arrangements for yourself ... OR ... smile look the other way and pretend this isn't happening. You can have an "open marriage" - there are plenty out there but for it to work, it's got to be something that you both want.

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Erik Erik 10 years
Hi. He may have the Pantyhose for himself to wear (many men do secretly) or he may have them for masterbation or may have even been planning to ask you to model them. There are many many cases where a man has a passion for pantyhose but has trouble telling his/her lover about it. As for the found number, I would just confront him with it. Just ask- not fight - not argue, just a close talk- mention that you found the number- and with the heart (what were you supposed to think). Watch his body language, but do not look too hard for fault (or else you will find it even if he is Jesus). I wish you well. P.S. You can always try wearing very silky pantyhose for him and check his reaction there too.
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