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I Have Feelings For Someone Else

"I Have Feelings For Another Guy, but I Live With My Boyfriend"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I'm fickle, I always have been. I have a boyfriend who is very nice to me, fixes things in my house, treats me well and is very devoted. He is not as social as I am, though, and we don't have very much in common. I tend to go out by myself a lot or with friends because I like to be around people while he would rather sit at home — I've always made it a point to invite him though. 

I decided to quit smoking and started hanging around a place for ex-smokers as a support group, that's where I met this guy who works there. He shares all of my interests, we have a ridiculous amount of things in common, share a lot of the same beliefs and values, and we never seem to run out of things to talk about. It's gotten to the point where I'll spend entire afternoons just hanging around with him and we're going out to dinner tonight with the two other guys who work there. We like all of the same things and he's very social and very comfortable to be around, very easy to talk to and I feel like he understands me better than the person I live with. I feel completely dishonest because I can't bring myself to tell him that I'm living with someone and I'm hiding this friendship from the guy I'm with because I know there's more to it than a friendship. I don't want to act on impulse, but I really feel like I've met my match here, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I care about my boyfriend, he's a great guy, I do love him, but I can't help feeling like this guy might be exactly what I'm looking for in a partner.

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pairodd pairodd 5 years
Could it be that you are just bored?It really doesn't sound like either guy is "the one" for you.  The guy living at your house is useful. The guy you spend time with outside is exciting. I actually know a girl like this. She is trying to marry the guy she lives with (only because her clock is ticking).  But she still a little hung up on her ex-boyfriend (who never really had an interest for her, but lets her hang around him because it does his ego very well).  So she puts her actual relationship at risk by texting, calling her ex all day long during the workday, and will likely be found out and thrown out on her a&$ for it one day.  The ex will not have her back - this I know for an absolute fact.  But she risks it anyway. It is exciting for her...Take a good hard look at yourself. Write down what you are looking for.  Write down what these guys have. Do either of them really have what you are looking for?  I am just not reading it, albeit in the little you wrote about either. Do them both a favor and find someone that you want to be with both inside and outside the home.Good luck!
naoma naoma 5 years
Oh, please, let this guy GO!  You are totally wasting his time and yours.  Be kind enough to let him free so he can find someone who loves and appreciates him and maybe you can find someone too.  I cannot understand why you would hang around with your present guy.  Go "hit on" the one you met at the ex-smoker group and maybe you can find common interest.  
sahieszhya sahieszhya 5 years
It's hard, but I chose my boyfriend. And I still think about this other guy, and to be honest I think a part of me always will. He became the best friend that I fell in love with, and I know he did too. I believe in soul mates and by the sounds of your post - sounds like you do too. You remember the beginning of any relationship - it starts the same, you have an immense connection - I remembered mine with my boyfriend and.. that's how I decided. Maybe you need to do the same. Sometimes we forget that we're happy. These things just remind us.
sweetpuppylove12 sweetpuppylove12 5 years
wow, this one is hard, when we involve our feelings thats where it gets complicated. we want what we want and when we dont get what we want we start looking else where, its human nature but doesn't mean we have to act on it. i do agree on what the comments above, when you are out seeking companionship with someone else you definitely have a problem brewing inside of you. for all we know your bf doesn't even have a clue as to how you are feeling about him and your situation, with men you have to SPELL things out for them, they dont get the hints we women love to leave behind. Tell your bf how you feel without having to insult him or bring up the other guy see how he reacts or what changes he makes, remember actions speak louder than words. I too have been in your situation, very similar, but the guy i was cruising on moved away, no far but enough that i didn't want to follow b/c i believe in my heart the person i'm with doesn't deserve to be treated badly, b/c i wouldn't want to be treated that way. you have two choices, you break up and move on or you work on your relationship w/your bf and see if he makes the effort. i would suggest you keep the other guy as a friend and nothing more, and try to take that time you spent with him for yourself and for your bf. the more time you have away from that other guy the clearer your thoughts would be. as humans we dont want to fix things that are broken we just want to go out and buy a new one. good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
if I were you, I'd put yourself in your bf's shoes. If you were your bf, what would you'd like done to you? :) If your bf is the one who's interested in another woman, would you rather know about it, and if you'd rather know, how would you like him to tell you, etc. Of course, it's going to hurt his feeling when he finds out, but isn't it kinder to be honest and either work things out or let him heal so he can also meet another person whom he'll feel as much connection with.   Also remember the grass is always greener on the other side, that's something to think about too before jumping into a new relationship with this other guy.   Good luck.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
The fact that you even noticed this other guy is telling that there's something missing in your current relationship. Talk to your boyfriend about it. Tell him you met someone else that piques your interest and tell him why. As long as nothing has happened, you have done nothing wrong. Take that opportunity to work things out with your current (meaning figure out if you two should be dating anymore because of your own relationship, not because you met someone new). Frankly the way you talk about him sounds more like a brother than a lover. Whether the spark is gone and can't be rekindled or you two are just in a lull that you can make it out of, figure that out before you do anything regrettable with this new guy. Otherwise you're going to take whatever baggage you have with your current boyfriend, and fling it right into the middle of any new relationship you get into.
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