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I Hooked Up With My Ex - But I Don't Want Him Back

I Hooked Up With My Ex - But I Don't Want Him Back

Dear Sugar
My ex and I have been together for three years. We just broke up a little over a month ago and I saw him for the first time the other night. He came over to drop off some of my things and we got to talking. Long story short we ended up hooking up that night. It was fine for me because it was passionate but I didn't feel any of my old feelings so it was just one last fun night.

After out hot and heavy session, he told me he still has feelings for me and that he still loves me. I don't know what to do because I really care about him as a friend and I don't want to hurt him. How should I tell him that I don't want to get back together with him if he brings it up? Movin' On Missy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Movin' On Missy
You have to be honest with him. If you do care about him as you say you do, then you really owe it to him to tell him how you really feel. You're ok moving on, he's the one with the broken heart. If you've ever had a broken heart, then you know it isn't fun. But by hooking up with him, you've given him hope, don't let it drag on.

You should be worried about his feelings. Tell him that you are not romantically interested in him anymore, and be clear about it. Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to be friends. He'll need some time away from you to get over his feelings. You guys may be able to be friends at some point in the future, but that will be up to him.

If you've never had your heart broken, then take it from someone who has: as painful as it can be, better to hear the truth and get on with your life than to prolong the inevitable.

While I am not suggesting that this is the case, the worst, most selfish thing that one can do in a situation like this is to string the guy along because you like his company, have no one better just yet, or because it is flattering to have a guy who wants you.

Do the right thing.

Join The Conversation
FaeMuse FaeMuse 11 years
You may not want to hear it, but integrity and honesty are very important. After a long term relationship, mending from a breakup can be an arduous and painful experience. Unfortunately either side may minimize the impact it has on their ex-partner, or underestimate the effects from sundering emotional as well as physical bonds. You may not feel all that obligated to respond to your ex after a night out, but hooking up may leave him confused, frustrated, or hopeful. If your mind is made up and there's no chance of reconciliation in the relationship, he deserves to know where you both stand.
caligirl1201 caligirl1201 11 years
Move on girl, guys will say anything to get more sex especially if it was good and unexpected. You shouldn't worry about it anymore unless you want another night stand.
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 11 years
um, men often say things like this after some tail
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 11 years
You need to tell him that you are not interested in a relationship with him, and then you need to make sure that you don't sleep with him again. If you say you don't want to be together but keep sleeping with him then you're sending out a mixed message. Unfortunately, he might not want to be friends and you'll have to accept that if that is what he chooses.
yrschatool yrschatool 11 years
he said this "after"? like still in bed after or the next day after? big difference. if it was the next day i'd worry about his feelings. if it was still in bad after i'd chalk it up to pillow talk and wouldn't worry about it. sounds like you have a friend with bens.
Adriana42 Adriana42 11 years
Yeah u do want him ur just lying to urself otherwise u would've had sex with him..
OMGSHitsKAT OMGSHitsKAT 11 years
Great advice DEAR! I couldn't have said it any better. :)
e.b e.b 11 years
I totally agree with DEAR. You should let him know how you feel the next time you talk to him. Tell him exactly what you told DEAR... That although you deeply care for him, you care for him as a friend, and that you no longer have romantic feelings towards him. He will probably back off for a while once you tell him how you feel, as his pride will be crushed and his heart broken. You two have had a long relationship so this definitely won't be easy for him and you should really be sensitive to that. Whatever you do DO NOT allow yourself to get romantic again with him. You can't send him mixed messages and play with his heart. You both need to start fresh and find the right person who'll truly make you happy! Good luck!
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