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I Keep Checking Up on My Ex Online

Group Therapy: I Keep Checking Up on My Ex Online

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I don't really know why I'm doing it. I don't want him in my life anymore, and we haven't spoken for nearly four months. But I recently found his profile on a social networking website, with references to his new gf, and I can't stop checking on it, even though each time I go back it feels like someone slapping me and I go back to square one again.

I feel like there is some unfinished business there, because I never got to speak my mind when he ended things. I'm not willing to reach out to him in any way, because I just don't want him to know that I haven't moved on the way that he obviously did so easily, but is there something I can do to get past this phase quicker? I keep thinking subconsciously that if I just keep checking it long enough I'll eventually see some sign of his life falling apart and I can sit back and enjoy it, but I know that's not healthy and at this point I just don't want to be a slave to him anymore, like I was for a year and a half.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 7 years
This was my post. I just wanted to say thank you all for your advice, I took it to heart. It's been four days since I've checked on his profile online, and I doubt very much I'll be doing it again. I think I just needed to hear from a third party that what I was doing was completely counterproductive. Thank you all for your input.
Beauty Beauty 7 years
Block him on Facebook. Easy as that. Don't look at anything online. He has to be out of your life before you can move on. It may also help to write him a letter that you will never send just so you can "say" what you need to say. But trust me, if you stop looking and stop obsessing, you will get over him. And someone better is waiting for you!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 7 years
Saying that you hope to find out his life fell apart is just an excuse to keep obsessing. Detox completely from him for a month and see if it makes you feel better. No stalking, no thinking about him. Complete block on his profile. Then after a month, you can go back to your obsession if it still has any appeal.
KateAthens KateAthens 7 years
I can say for sure that you're not the only one. There will always be some unfinished business with him. I assume it was his decision to break up? If it was it will be hard to get over it fast. What can you do? Well try get a new boyfriend even if you are not completely over him. It wont hurt. Hint: It wont take the pain away though unless you fall in love again with all your heart.
gigly_grl gigly_grl 7 years
I found myself doing this too on facebook... its so easy to fall into this trap! Especially when fb was so helpful to list him on the side as "someone you may know"... I stopped myself and pulled an "out of sight out of mind" move by actually blocking him. Now I don't have to worry about him randomly coming up... and if I'm tempted to look him up I hit the roadblock of having to unblock him first... which gives me a moment to mentally slap myself upside the head ;) Stay strong, sounds like your head is in the right place... good luck!
GlitzyGlam GlitzyGlam 7 years
First, you have to keep telling yourself there is something out there better for you and stop checking up on him. Make a list of all the things you hate about him and start from the beginning of the relationship (refer tot hat list when you want to check). Find your girl friends and spend more time with them. Get lost in a book to keep your mind off him when your alone. Spend time with you family! Join networking groups in your area to meet others looking to meet people too. Pretty soon you'll be so busy you won't have time to give two sh*ts about the new girl because you'll be living it up on your own with out him. Just have faith in your self, you are a strong girl and you know you don't want to be pushed around like a slave anymore! And if he comes back - refer to that list, I'm sure it will be long enough to remind you not to waste your time! =) Good luck!
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