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I Know It's Over, But I Miss His Friendship

I Know It's Over, But I Miss His Friendship

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a week ago. We constantly fought over how much he worked and how he treated
work as a priority over me.

We were best friends a year before we dated and I really miss him. We went from talking every day to no contact at all.

I think I miss him more as a friend than anything else and I want that back with him. What should I say to him when I call so he knows that it's really our friendship that I miss above all? Lonely Louisa

Dear Lonely Louisa
I'm sorry about the break up. They really are the worst, but you've got to give him some space for a while - and one week doesn't constitute a while.

He broke up with you because of all of the fighting, and he's not going to want to hear from you just yet. Let the dust settle, and in another two weeks or so, drop him a friendly line with you sounding very cheery and upbeat.

That's the girl that he misses most, so bring her back and I'll bet he'll be pleasantly surprised to hear from you. Just say that you are happy, and doing great but you do miss being friends.

Apologize for all of the fighting and explain that your personalities aren't the best for dating but that you'd like to stay in touch if he thinks that is possible.

Listen to him, because that's what being a friend is all about. The best strategy you can have is not to ask anything of him. Start off slow and see how it goes. If you feel yourself getting clingy and needy, back off. That's really all you can do.

I hear that J.Lo and Diddy have always remained close. They inspire each other and realized they'd be better off apart. So if they can be friends, than you guys can too. Good Luck.

Join The Conversation
My-Opinion My-Opinion 11 years
lol, ye take it form me, no datey bestey friendey~ but like i said, you c a n get your friendship back if it was real. no way vmruby, you just told my story!! one of my very best friends , luke, was just gaga over me and finally let me know after his brother, (my other best friend) died. we 'tried' the relationship thing......the whole '1st' thing, then one day we both at the same time was like, ready (laughing) 1,2,3, let's breakup.......then we were fine, went back to riding dirt bikes and playing football~ it was awkward when i saw him (weirdly) at another 'viewing' of my sons grandpa, and that i'll always care about you feeling was there, but it was definately awkward!!
vmruby vmruby 11 years
omg word for word it sounds like something that i experienced.i learned a very valuable lesson years ago never date your guy best friends. i did and that was the beginning of the end . we had been best friends since he was about 12 and for years he had a crush on me and we sort of played the game of cat and mouse for a very long time. to make a long story short we gave in to those feelings and now 12 years later we still have not spoken a word to each other. i miss him so much and he truly was my best friend and i wish i could take back what happened so long ago but i unfotunately i cannot. he did try to get in touch with me but i refused to speak to him because it felt so awkward.i just could not go back to what we were before all that. how i wish i would have given that choice a lttle more thought. so my advice to you would be to keep your guy friends your friends and date other people on the outside.give him a while and try to get in touch with him.if the friendship you two shared means anything he will get passed it and maybe you can resume your friendship or maybe he will give you a call.i will keep my fingers crossed for u.good luck. PS-i did end up marrying a great guy who also happened to be a close friend and i'm happy to say we are still going strong after almost 9 years and he is my best friend.
lickety-split lickety-split 11 years
Oh brother. There's a reason you 2 broke up, think about that. I suggest you start a new hobby or class. Make a change in your life that's positive and fun and concentrate on that rather than him. Maybe a biking club or a book club. Ideally something that will get you involved with other people and takes enough concentration that you won't think about him while you're doing it. You might find out that you enjoy other things as much (or more) than you enjoyed him. And my personal position is that the first break-up never takes (with relationships over about 1 1/2 years). He'll be back. MAKE HIM COME TO YOU. Ever heard the saying "No one wants to eat at a restaurant with no cars out front"? The way you handle you life with out him in it will mean something to him when he does come back. Take advantage of his wanting to see you again to remind him why you broke up and ask what's going to change? You deserve to be adoreed by your partner and treated as a top priority. You can't open the next door in your life with one foot trying to hold the old door open for him. Make him open the door FOR YOU by offering to make changes that make you feel valued. If he won't move along to the next one and take the lessons you learned from this relationship into the next one. At the very least you're one step closer to your dream man.
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 11 years
It's possible to become friends after the wounds of the relationship lost are healed. It's too soon to be friends really because I'm sure there are hard feelings on both ends, even if the break up was mutual. 2 years is a long time. It's fine to contact him after you're completely over the relationship. For the mean time, call some girlfriends and build stronger friendships with them. You might have ignored them during your relationship. Know that men come and go, but friends last forever, so keep that in mind when you get into your next relationship.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 11 years
Well you know that saying that goes, 'boyfriends come and go but friendship lasts forever'? For me, that has rung to be true on more than one occassion, because I have been known to 'attempt' to date my best friends, which mostly have been guys., and you really CAN be best friends again after. I think the love for a friend could easily cross over and people will attempt a relationship but then find out that they really love that person as a 'best friend' and alot of times it's alot better, so when you both can see that your relationship is special enough to go back to the way you were, THAT'S a real friend*
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