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I Sleep With a Man I Hate

Sunday Confessional: I Hate Him/Can't Stop Sleeping With Him

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

This guy is so far under my skin it's driving me crazy. We broke up two months ago and I have no idea why. He has given me vague answers as to why but none of them make sense, in girls terms he went "distant."

He messages me constantly always wanting my advice and support and also to cheer me on because my career is booming finally, but at the same time if I'm not maintaining my distance he backs away. 


He has stood me up, lied to me, called me names and makes me feel used. I HATE him as a person and can see he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. But the stupid thing is I CANNOT RESIST him and I hate it, I can see the sex game leading up and no matter how I play it I always give in.

I consider myself strong and I am the one people turn to to see through guys crap so why does this guy have me soooo hooked? I think he is a self arrogant ignorant prick, the more he dismisses me the more I want him. He gives me a tidbit and I lap it up. What the hell does he want from me and how do I get past this? PLEASE help me!!

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community — join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

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LoneWolf001 LoneWolf001 6 years
you want what you cant have yet you get it :/
cchica121 cchica121 6 years
Rasberry Sorbet's advice is spot on! This sounds like an amazing book and everything stated there is true. I'm going through basically the same thing. Trying to understand why i choose the wrong guy, many times putting myself at risk for a really horrible/dangerous outcome.
angelboots angelboots 6 years
All i can say is THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! i googled this book straight away and have been absolutely absorbing everything i can find on the authors "baggagereclaim" blog site. I keep bursting into tears because i have been aware of this cycle with this assclown for the past few weeks but he has had me so isolated with in "hes relationship" that i didnt know which way was up. today is my first day of no contact. i randomly deleted him from facebook and everywhere else he can keep tabs on me and he messaged me at lunch about a new job opportunity he has been given as though he wasnt aware (i had to resist the urge to reply "i hope you dont get it u c$%t") but i did it i just put the phone down and went back to reading from the site., i wouldnt be surprised if (a) he has no idea he has been blocked and deleted because it just reaffirms that he is so self absorbed in himself he doesnt even think to look at what im up to or (b) he saw and this was hes way of 'reseting' why i did it. just thank you so much to pointing me in the direction i needed to reaffirm what i already knew. seems silly we need that at times but you have been a god send. THANK YOU!!
Rasberry-Sorbet Rasberry-Sorbet 6 years
Oh my God! I know where you are coming from. You need to read this book. Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. It basicly tells you why you attract guys like this and how you developed problematic thinking that continue to enable this man's poor behavior. Essentially you are addicted to the sex or intimacy from this man. You subconsciously feel like love is some obstacle course you have to run through just go get validation, appreciation, validation. The book goes on to talk about how early life experiences may have set women up to become dysfunctional in terms of relationship. Also google to term learned helplessness. Like you feel helpless to stop this even though you see the warning signs. You need to take the time and research why your thought processes guide you into essentially unsafe situations. You totally disregard your health and body for brief moments of intimacy with a man that does not respect you. Dont beat up on yourself, learn about why you do this. Research yourself. Then take the time to love yourself. Take a time out from sex, get some space between you and this guy...Make up excuses, got a new job, working late...Im going out of town for work, anything...just start acting busy. You need to get some space so you can think clearly. You arent objective when you are in sex haze. Its hard but try to get distance and stop being so available. Dont tell him your every move. You crave his attention so do things to keep yourself busy. And by all means, date other men. Dont tell him your every move. Get a friend you can call every time you think about giving in to him so that you can be talked out of it. Good luck.
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