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I Was Stood Up By My Best Friend!

Dear Sugar--

This past weekend I got irritated with my best friend. I am starting to date this new guy, who my friend supposedly loves for me, but whenever I ask her to go out with us, like to a club or bar, she always makes up an excuse as to why she can't go or just won't answer my calls/texts. She has a boyfriend, and I completely respect that, and I ask both of them to go, but she never ends up coming out. I have expressed how much I want her to get to know my new boyfriend, but she doesn't budge.

Another thing that irritates me is that when we do go out, it is always wherever she wants to go. I have just had enough of it and this weekend I told her that I thought what she was doing was really unfair, rude, and cruel. I told her that in a friendship, you have to give and take, something she clearly doesn't understand. So after I blew up and told her how I felt, she told me that she *supposedly* had no money which is why she can't go out and that she wasn't interested in being with me if I was going to be mean to her.

This girl has supposedly been my best friend since we were 8 (we are both 22 now), and I've realized that everything always has to be about her. When she started dating her boyfriend, I went out of my way to hang out with them so I could get to know the man who my best friend was dating, and all I am asking is her to do the same for me. Am I overreacting? What do I do?? Please help!!

-- Stood Up by my Best Friend Stephanie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Stood Up by my Best Friend Stephanie--

Although this is your best friend, it sounds like you two aren't on the same page here about what a friendship is supposed to be. I would be upset too if my "best friend" was acting selfish and unsupportive. It's great that you wanted to tell her how you felt, but since you were so upset and "blew up," I'm sure she felt attacked and then acted defensively.

I think you need to have a girls' night out without your boyfriends. You have been best friends since you were 8 years old (aww), so you obviously have a deep history. Invite her to dinner and have a heart-to-heart chat about what's going on with her, with you, and between the two of you. If you're worried you might "blow up" again, write down your thoughts and feelings so you can express them calmly. Since it's just the two of you, she'll be able to tell you how she's feeling and give you real reasons why she won't hang out with you and your new man. You may find out something surprising behind her distance.

I had a friend in high school that was very selfish, we always had to do what she wanted to do and talk about her problems. Our one-sided friendship became too much for me; I was giving too much and not getting anything back in return, so I stopped hanging out with her. After you talk to your friend, if things don't change (because of her selfish personality), you may find that drifting apart is the best thing for you. Good luck Stephanie!


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