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I Want More From my One Night Stand

Dear Sugar--
I had a one night stand a couple of weeks ago with a woman whom I know is married and is in the process of separating from her husband, but have no idea on the details. She is a good friend of a close female friend of mine. Now I've had a couple of these in the past and none of them have affected me, however, this was a little different. We met a month before having sex and we almost immediately, with little conversation, starting making out. We never got as far as sex the first time because her girlfriends pretty much dragged her away from me.

The second time we met, she pretty much picked ME up, even though I tried to avoid her so nothing would happen. Well, after a few too many drinks, we ended up going home and sleeping together. She left the next morning without saying goodbye, no note, nothing. Now I feel like I am attracted to this girl beyond just the sex. I am confused whether or not I should pursue this and if she feels the same way. Please help! --Home Wrecker Henry

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Home Wrecker Henry--

First of all, let me remind you that you are asking if you should pursue a relationship with a married woman... not the classiest of questions. Getting involved with a taken woman (remember, she is in the midst of getting separated from her husband, not divorced) and being the other man is no way to build a foundation for a potential relationship in the future if she were to become a single woman.

From what you have told me, your connection with this woman has been strictly physical from the get go; so don't confuse sex with love. My advice to you is keeping your distance. Since you don't know the details of their marital problems, you don't know if they are planning on working through their problems and making their marriage work. If you learn through your mutual friends later down the road that they have in fact divorced -- then, and only then, feel out your connection with this woman and go from there.

Divorces are not easy for anyone involved and they don't happen overnight. This sounds like a messy situation so your best bet is to chalk this incident up to two people having too much to drink and letting your libidos take the reins. I wish you luck.


Join The Conversation
Karma-Co Karma-Co 10 years
She's probably just using you... Forget her.
Ashlie-H Ashlie-H 10 years
I'd say wait until she is completely separated from her husband. divorced... You don't want a big mess later on.
Vdogg Vdogg 10 years
i agree with Realblonde, how could you want to begin something with a woman who you hooked up with while she was CHEATING on her husband?? Once a cheater, always a cheater. she WILL cheat on you too. Do you reALLy want to be with someone who jumps into bed with other guys once her relationship starts having problems? Also, you don't know what kind of marriage she's in, perhaps she did this to get back at her husband for something & plans on telling him.. you don't want a soon-to-be-divorced angry husband chasing you down for sleeping with his wife! Forget about her, you seem like a great loyal guy who is secure enough to trust even the sneakiest of women, & that is an admirable trait. Find a woman who deserves the kind of commitment you seem like you're willing to offer.
Realblonde Realblonde 10 years
She sounds like a total slut. Forget her!
tinyspark tinyspark 10 years You're a shag to her. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't get involved lest your heart get hurt.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 10 years want what you cant have and is exciting...but for how long?
junebrug junebrug 10 years
Jennifer 76 is a genius! I've said this before, good going 76! Men want what they can't have, the minute they can have it, they don't want it anymore. Henry, I suggest you back off until the divorce, if there is one, is final. Then if you still want to pursue something, ask her. But don't be surprised if your hot feelings turn a shade cooler once you don't have to sneak around.
Marci Marci 10 years
I meant that you should be be prepared for the *possibility* that she might not be looking for anything but a sexual thing. :)
Marci Marci 10 years
It sounds to me like she's just sowing her oats and she liked the chemistry with you. If you want, contact her. But be prepared that she's not looking for anything more than a sexual thing since she's just getting out of a marriage.
jaxon jaxon 10 years
The best thing to do is ask her. From a third party perspective it seems like she was just looking for some fun because of her home situation. But she might have been into you as well but was trying not to make it awkward for you so call her up and ask her about it. YOu might want to chill until her marriage situation is cleared up though. I do agree with a lot of people above my first thought was it seemed liked you only wanted her cause she split on you but that might be me being a sexist cause if you were a woman that prob wouldn't be my first assessment. But the rest still stands! Boy I have a tendancy to go on and on sorry!
andaman andaman 10 years
As expected I disaggree with all of you, lol. it your way dude. We can only tell you our opinions :) At the end of the day it is you who will have to live with your decision. I know people who have met lovers this way (during separation) and they became 'a thing' during the divorce. But whether you want her only because she's left early and because she is with someone else or not I don't know. Only you know hey.
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
That was funny retail_therapy! But honestly sounds like her interest in you is purely physical. She is separating from her husband, most of the time (I cant speak for all but when I separated from my long term bf) I really just wanted to go out there and have some fun! That includes guys with no strings attached...
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
I agree with Trixie. The sheer fact that she showed no real interest in you outside of the physical attraction is probably what's attracting you.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 10 years
its not called a one night stand for nothing
Trixie6 Trixie6 10 years
IDK - It sounds to me like it's the thrill of the chase that you're attracted to. I think Dear hit the nail on the head - Divorces are messy and this one sounds like it might go on a while. Also, separated or not, she's still married. The best thing, IMHO, would be for you to let her sort out her marriage and then go from there.
andaman andaman 10 years
If she is living with her husband still I suggest you stay away from her. I have no idea what is their arrangement? Perhaps they are over but they are waiting to sell the house? Or maybe he doesn't know she wants out? If she hasn't told him, then I think she's too much of a risk for you. Like I said ask her out and discuss it with her.
andaman andaman 10 years
If you want more why don't you ask her out? She might say no because she's probably going through quite a lot at the moment but you don't know how she feels until you ask her out. Just remember she might need a lot of space but if you like her enough I'm sure you can give her room to breath hey.
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