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I Want to Be More Than Friends With Benefits

"Should I Still Be His Friend With Benefits?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm currently in a "friends with benefits" situation with a guy who is very much younger than me. This is the first time I've been in such a relationship, as I was married to my high school sweetheart before we ended our 10-year relationship. I have no experience in dating and when I first met this guy, I never thought it would be purely physical. We both enjoy each other's company, and I was crushed when I realized that it was a "friends with benefits" arrangement because I had grown really attached to him. I can tell him anything and it feels like I've found my soul mate again. It gets worse, too, as he is also seeing other girls — all with similar arrangements. I know the best thing for me would be to walk away, but I'm in too deep, and I know he enjoys my company when we're together. I also know he's not open to relationships, at least not with me. We don't see each other often because he's always busy, and despite all that, I still want to see him. What should I do?

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
You're going to have to walk away, asap. The faster you do it the more self-esteem you'll salvage. I suppose someone out there is having a FWB that works, but I haven't seen it yet. If only we could be that clinical!
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
It sounds like you know exactly what you're into, and you are trying to listen to your head, but your heart is screaming at you. From an outsider's perspective, I would encourage you to listen to your head. He was obviously not straight with you from the get go, if you are just now finding out that this is a fwb thing. He should have told you what he wanted from you right away. He doesn't want a relationship, he sees other women...that's all well and good if you were seeing other guys and didn't want a relationship. But you have totally fallen for this guy and you have some hope that he will become monogamous. He won't. Believe what he tells you. He doesn't want a relationship, he wants to keep having sex with you and however many other women. Harden your heart, think about your self respect and walk away. Tell this guy that you're sorry, but you're on different pages and this isn't acceptable to you. If he really feels the same about you, he will beg you to stay and will break it off with the others (I don't really think this will happen, but you never know). There really are guys out there who are looking for a real relationship and I think you should love yourself enough to hold out for one. Good luck.
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