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I'm a 21-Year-Old Virgin

Sunday Confessional: I'm a 21-Year-Old Virgin

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

Hey everyone! Okay, I feel SO lame saying this, but I really want to know your opinion (and if there's anyone out there in the same situation, lol). I'm 21-years-old, about to graduate from college, and have never had sex (or anything close to it) or a boyfriend. All of my friends have, and even my mom has been asking me how I went through 4 years of college without dating.

Here's the thing — it's not that I don't put myself out there; it's just that I've never been approached by that many guys. And (not to sound conceited) but I've had guys tell me that I was pretty. So why the hell won't they ask me out?!?! Is there anyone else in the same situation as me?

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community — join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

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hellcangetus hellcangetus 4 years
Remember there was a time when women were only desirable if they were a virgin? I lost my virginity at 25. I'm not ugly I get cute boys to buy me drinks, but I always felt like they only wanted me for sex, and most of the time that's true. I don't like feeling objectified. I am beyond my appearance and I hate that all the great internal stuff gets lost because of my external (I'm no megan fox. Please don't read that as me thinking i'm the hottest piece of ass of all time). When it's right you will know and it will happen. And if he's worth it he will wait. It's easier for boys these days to just chase tail. Be strong. it's going to be okay. I worried about being inexperianced
Adeline3433647 Adeline3433647 4 years
Almost 22 and still single :'( never had a bf before..but I'm extremely shy maybe is that I don't know,I want one:(
mmjw84 mmjw84 4 years
Hey, I know exactly how you feel. I was 22 and still a virgin 6 years ago. I felt so lame I ended up settling for this guy who treated me terribly just to lose my virginity and have a bf like any other girl my age. Well, after all the abuse and his cheating I finally left a year later. I decided to look online to find guys more like me. BE CAREFUL if you choose to do this. NEVER meet anyone in a private place. Always make sure you are in public and do a background search on him if you decide to go this route. Protect yourself because there are nasty people out there. After just two months I found this great guy. We have been together 5 years now and we are engaged to be married! He never pressured me for anything and has always been supportive and caring. I couldn't believe after all the losers I met before who never gave me the time of day that great guys even existed. I am not ugly either but for some reason guys never wanted to go past friendship with me. I got asked out but I think maybe because I'm a little dorky and have a goofy sense of humor they thought I was a nerd. Their loss is what I say now! What I'm trying to say is there are nice guys who will want to date you but they are VERY hard to find. Mine lived across the country but after a few years of visiting each other I moved to be with him. Don't ever tell yourself you are lame because you haven't found a great guy yet. PLEASE don't make the mistake I did and settle for less. I will never forget the horrible abuse I went through. You are too good for the losers who don't give you the time of day. You need to find someone who cares about getting to know you and isn't just some guy looking to get laid. All you girls out there who have been in this same position deserve soooo much better! Don't give up and don't ever settle for less! I really wish I hadn't. The emotional scars from that relationship will never go away. It still gets to me but I sure am glad I decided from then on I would never settle. Now I have a guy with the same goofy/dorky sense of humor who thinks I'm pretty AND treats me well. Good luck!
Skyness Skyness 4 years
I am 21, and a male virgin. I am in a similar situation. Out of college, never had a gf. To make things more complex, I am bisexual. There were moments in my life where I was close to losing my virginity, I thought, "this is it" but it never ended up happening. Sex and sexuality is a serious thing to me. I never went out of my way to find a partner, I just never even felt overwhelmingly attracted to someone to the point where I want them in my life. Plus, no one would want a boyfriend like me. I don't think I am relationship material, at least in this part of the world. I feel so out of touch when people discuss their personal sex lives, and I have nothing to contribute. But what I will tell you is, don't lose hope. There must be someone out there who is like-minded and a perfect match for you. I'm not proactive or even thinking about it, so I may not be in a relationship for a very long time. Keep doing your thing, and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong. Just keep shining, and all good things will come to you.
BDlove BDlove 5 years
I don't think that 21 is old to be a virgin. But it is obviously concerning to you, so anyone else's opinion on that isn't going to matter. What I will say is this-don't just go out and have sex with any guy to lose it. Sex can be a great experience, but, especially with your first time, should be with someone you really care about and trust. Don't rush yourself because of your age and your feelings that you should have done it by now. Eventually, you will know when the time is right. It also seems like you worry you aren't getting asked out a lot. Put yourself out there! Join some new activities, get out and meet new people. Talk to guys you think are attractive. Be a little flirty. Lots of guys are scared of rejection, but if you give off the vibe that you are interested, I think you will see them open up more too.
chinesecrystal029 chinesecrystal029 5 years
i'm 21 year old, still a virgin. i have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed and all my friends do all of those. i'm not exactly beautiful like most girls, not one of those popular in high school. i hear so many people saying to me god your really pretty and fit then why on earth am i stil single. i feel like i am going to die alone and a virgin like that film 40 year old virgin expect i'll be like 65 year old :D
ela333 ela333 5 years
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 6 years
It's ridiculous that in our society 21 is considered old to be a virgin. Most people are in no way psychologically or emotionally ready to have a sexual relationship at 16 or whatever the "average" age is to lose it. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21, I wouldn't even call it being a "late bloomer." When you do finally have a relationship and have sex, it will be as an adult- and that will make it 10000x better than if you'd lost it five years ago, trust me :)
bellacortez bellacortez 6 years
Its cool, I'm 21, a virgin, never had a boyfriend or have been kissed!!! Its not like I dont get hit on or boys show no interest in me , its the complete opposite. Boys have always offered me sex or wanted to get with me but I guess I never wanted to , because in a way I feel like I am unworthy to have sex or have a boyfreind. I'm over weight and through the years have gotten heavier and foe some reason guys still hit on me. I dont know why but they always say I have a really pretty face. I feel like in order for me to have a boyfriend and have sex I should be skinny and look good and unless I am skinny or look good then I should be alone. IDK , I know I have a problem and I need to work on it. All, I mean to say is don't be like me and not have sex when you can or be in dating scene , because ur going to fill your lonliness and emptiness with food and your gonna end up fat like me and screwed up. Your probably thinking I wont be lonely I have my friends and the people I love , but listen they can only fill that void for so long and on top of that they cant bring you that companionship or passionate feeling.....Just saying do it now, with someone you care about dnt push it off too long
rezafo rezafo 6 years
I read almost four or five replies, and I wish to add that why on earth we think we should get on the band wagon? I ask you a very basic question, when you get a BF or GF what mechanism drives you to this? Other people’s step and choice? The mainstream? If you say oh yeah you took the word out of my mouth, that’s the mainstream, then I’m afraid I should let you know that you are not YOURSELF! Be what you are and let the sensation be natural, otherwise you are not holding a Pomegranate martinis in your hand because your gusto goes for it, but to take a snapshot to look trendy. You are a butterfly hovering over a surfeit of flowers, let your eyes catch the right one to land on, then it will be sweet to taste. I believe you should show up in social activities more than before, and you don’t need abracadabra. I wouldn’t call it an anomaly!
ricowins88 ricowins88 6 years
Just to let you all know. I'm a 22 year old guy, just graduated college, never had sex, never had a gf and it's not cuz I'm some ugly creep. I'm taking my time and waiting for the right girl. I'm keeping myself for my future wife and am is no rush to get married since I'm going to grad school. I'm proud of the choices I've made and girls like you give me hope there will be someone waiting for me too. :)
Sweet-Words Sweet-Words 6 years
you're all angels I commend you
Solaine Solaine 6 years
Considering the fact that I'm a virgin as well, I thought I should put my 2 cents in. I'm 19 and in university. I'm social and have plenty of male friends. But I've never had a serious relationship. Anyway, I think this status of being a virgin and how you get treated because or inspite of it depends on the society you're living in and its notions regarding deportment. However, speaking from a purely subjective point of view, this is what I think. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I would even go as far as to say at any age (there can be exceptions). I don't think its really that big a deal, when you think about it. So its always best not to give into peer pressure or try to conform to what people think is "right" or "normal" for you to do. Really, when it comes down to it, your opinion and what you want to do is all that matters. Its perfectly natural to be a virgin. Just as it is perfectly natural for some people to seek out sexual experiences early in their life because they're curious or want to experience something new. In short, its your body, your life. What you do with it is pretty much your business. As long as you don't regret it, or is willing to deal with the consequences later (if there are any unpleasant ones). In my opinion, its not a bad thing if someone is "saving themselves" until they find someone they're willing to trust enough, not just to discover themselves with, but also to commit themselves to (because you obviously found them desirable). Obviously, it makes things more meaningful. At the same time, if you feel the need to be close to someone physically or want to interact with the opposite sex more but can't seem to be able to or is uncomfortable with intimate social interaction of any kind... I suggest you just go out more often, be more gregarious, social. Doesn't mean you have to pursue someone, start a relationship or have sex. But you get to know more people, or connect with the people you already know better. Either way, if you feel the need to change your life or initiate something by being a bit of a pioneer, go with your gut instincts while also trying to be rational. But yeah, when it comes down to the final act, trust your feelings to guide you. So take your time, and whatever you do, respect yourself and be proud to be who you are.
deepu56 deepu56 6 years
its fine being a virgin at 21 yrs. i have many friends who are above 21 are still virgins.there is no need to feel bad about it.everything happens when the right moments come.and u are only 21 .so there is lot of time ahead for the things to happen.just dont feel bad about it.its quite normal. take care
camkitten camkitten 6 years
OMG I feel like you just told my life story. I'm 21 years old in college & I'm virgin also. I ask myself all the time like what the hell is wrong with me?
smnnsf smnnsf 6 years
I have to add to this string, because I only very recently had my first kiss, at the age of 23. I was a little embarrassed to tell the guy that I had never been kissed, but I was surprised and pleased by his response. He told me that he actually found it really sweet, and was honored to be the first one. I think he enjoyed teaching me...:) Before that, kissing (and intimacy in general) seemed really intangible to me. However, know that once you are in a situation where there is mutual attraction, it becomes hard not to progress to the next level very quickly (if you are saving yourself for marriage, as I am.) Take the time you have now to consider what you really want. In many ways, it's a benefit to be older when you have these experiences for the first time, because you have developed the emotional capacity to process what's going on. Purity and strength of character are very attractive qualities, although they never make the news. One last note--I would say, embrace your story. That is how I think of it. Rather than thinking about what your story 'should' be, think about the unique life you have had, and be confident in it. Its all about presentation--if you say, "I'm a loser who's never had a boyfriend," people will believe you. If you say, "I'm an independent woman, who took my college years to figure myself out," they will also believe you. Best of luck.
sahmad sahmad 6 years
you're probably subconsciously putting out a vibe that says "don't approach me"... even though, inside, you're dying for someone to approach you. this is likely the manifestation of your insecurity and nerves.... my advice: smile. a lot. always works :)
Zabuluck Zabuluck 6 years
I'm going to have to bring on the cliche comments but your body is your temple and i'm glad you seem to be treating it that way. I am a twenty year old virgin and I am proud of it! I am tired of the media creating this false idea that virgin's are weirdo's, oddballs or the ever so popular "are you an homosexual?" What's does ones non-sexual history have to do with homosexuality? If I haven't dated nor had sex why am i presumed to be homosexual... how does that make any sense. Anyways before I go on I want to congratulate you! I get the same compliments from guys and i've been asked out on dates but I never really say "yes." Maybe I need to work on that but for now I want to work on myself. =]
jfc90 jfc90 6 years
OK. I seriously can't believe I registered just to post here, but spacekat's comments just drove me to. WTF is a logical age to not be a virgin!? OHMYGAD! That implies that sex is something everyone /has/ to do at some point. So you know, priests, nuns, Rebecca St. James. They're all obviously mentally-f'ed up then? Come off it. We're all different. Sex isn't necessary to form love and caring bonds with someone else. We can give our respect, trust, and love to someone else WITHOUT having sex with them.. seriously dangit!
88BrockU88 88BrockU88 6 years
If i was to give any advise to the part about why they dont approach, it might be because the fact that 95% of guys (myself included) find it difficult to approach a pretty girl and ask them out. I know that the traditional way is for the male to ask out the female, but maybe you could try asking someone out instead?? I know that with me, the only reason why i am not a virgin is because i was with my ex-gf from the age of 14-20 (this past summer). If not for that, i would probably be in the same boat. Just remember that everyone works at their own pace. :)
Twilight-Lover-98 Twilight-Lover-98 6 years
if the guys that say ur pretty really like you just ask them for their number and text them. Then after a couple weeks, or days or even months if they dont ask you out give it your best shot.
SB4Cy SB4Cy 6 years
I'm 26, in a very serious relationship, and was also a 21 year old virgin. Things have a way of working themselves out. Sex isn't that big of a deal. Enjoy your life not having to worry about pregnancy scares or STD"s from guys who weren't important to you. Believe me as you get older you'll be proud to tell your friends that have been with 20 people that you've only been with one or two.. at a point in life it's no longer "cool" to be with as many men as possible. your future husbandwill repspect you for that. and when it comes to having a boyfriend, my advice to you, is take the road less traveled.. find the guy that most of the other girls over-look because he's "too nice", that's the guy that's going to treat you the best!!
anannnabanana anannnabanana 6 years
sometimes i read about people like this and think they are lucky. read this blog about all the stuff you are missing out on.. and be grateful you are not this girl:
Bellamy88 Bellamy88 6 years
Hey I am in the exact situation. 21 virgin, never had a boyfriend nor experienced a real kiss as mine have been drunken ones. It's frustrating because I'm the last one standing out of all my friends. I even went to an old friends house last night who vowed to remain a virgin till marriage and guess what had found out she lost hers to her last ex. It sucks during girls nights when they are all talking about their experiences and you are just sitting there awkwardly twiddling your thumbs or seeing them with boyfriends and hearing about how great their date was. Sometimes it hurts wondering why them and never me. I'm lucky to have great friends though that never pressure me and are supportive. I guess we need to keep counting our lucky stars and hoping mr.bright will show up someday.
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