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I'm Engaged, But Still In Love With My Ex

I'm Engaged, But Still In Love With My Ex

Dear Sugar
The last few years have been a total mess. About five years ago, I started dating a childhood friend. Things were great until three years later when he joined the military and was sent away. Once he left, I thought we were through (I was slightly relieved as things were moving turbo speed) but we remained together long distance. Over the next two years, we were on again off again, mostly due to me pulling away.

We spent last Thanksgiving together on his base. I had heard through the grapevine that he was planning on popping the question. I made it very clear I was not ready and in response, he broke things off saying that was the last time he was going to be hurt by me. Right when he said that, I wanted to be with him more than ever, but it was too late.

Less than three months after we split, he got married and I was a wreck. To make matters worse, I started a fast paced relationship of my own and wound up getting engaged. I thought that I would be happy with my new love, but unfortunately, I still not over my ex. I have suggested moving out but my fiancé doesn't want that.

I keep thinking that one day he will wake up and realize he only has half of a person here and let me go. My biggest fear is that I always discover love when it is too late. My friends are tired of hearing my story and I feel like I have no where else to go. Lost Lauren

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Lost Lauren
What a roller coaster! I think that maybe spending a week alone to soul search might help you. Bouncing from relationship to relationship can be somewhat confusing, especially if you have not moved on from your prior relationship. Tell your fiancé that you taking some time for yourself and think about what you really want.

Right now your ex is married. It sounds like you only want him back because you can't have him. Do you really want to break up both of your marriages with no guarantee that he will even take you back?

While you miss your ex, try to remember the reasons why you pushed him away. You were not ready to make a commitment for a reason and although it may be hard to see now, it might have been for the best after all.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, perhaps taking some time for yourself is in order. It sounds as though you have a wonderful fiance who is willing to support you through the good times and bad. Try to slow down and take care of yourself. If you still feel that you should get out of your current relationship, the time to figure this out is now - before you tie the knot. Good luck.

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