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What I Learned From My Affair With a Married Man

I'm Jealous and Scared He's Moving On

"We Aren't in a Relationship, but I'm Still Jealous"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hello everybody,

I have had a guy in my life for maybe 4-5 years. We have dated for 2 of them and were best friends before that. It started out well: pampering and sweetness. The honeymoon phase you can say. Now I read our old chats and I see how insecure I was. He was sweet, and I was, well, always asking "what are you doing," "who are you talking to," "why are you so close to her," "you never text," "you never replied," and he started drifting away. He gave all passwords and kept everything open but I never met his friends much — he never let me. I felt so broken and used that at the time, doing everything to please him, not caring about my life. It disgusts me now. I had a bad experience in a relationship before and I never realized the after-effects have stayed.

Now we are in a phase that we broke up months ago due to my nagging and him taking me for granted, but we meet often, talk late nights and hug tight, and there are moments where we stop and say "we are just friends." Once or twice we even ended up in bed, and it feels so different than friends. The insecurity has grown even more now.

I can't see him as just friend and neither can he, but neither of us are wanting a relationship at the moment. I need to work on me. I have a shattered self esteem, confidence, and it's worsening every phase. But I can't cut him out . . . I can't. I have tried. Neither can he. We come back after a day or two.


There are so many female friends in his life, and especially a new one. She saw him at a friends party and acquired his number to text him, and now she texts him all day and calls him to cry about how her guy is messing her life and whatnot. It's not even been a month and she's all over facebook about the "special bond" they have. I know him. He isn't the "bond" and "bff" type, and he keeps telling me he doesn't want to date her. He just wants to talk, but I'm scared. I feel hatred for this girl. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I just want to tell her to back off!

I have always had problems if girls come too close to him, especially the ones who randomly meet and give their numbers. I know I need to cut that jealousy, but it's so hard.

I've told him to draw a line with her, and he said he understands but . . . 

Please tell me, am I wrong? What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice.

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