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I'm the Only Virgin of All My Friends

"I'm the Only Virgin of All My Friends"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I'm in college right now, which is the prime age for sexual endeavors I suppose. I turn 20 in January (so I guess I'm not THAT old. . . ), and I will still be a virgin. I hear my friends talking about taking their birth control and stuff, or talking about their boyfriends (I don't have one), and I get reallllly down. I'm not saving myself for marriage, and I don't look down on people who have sex, but I just feel so out of the loop. Sometimes I feel like if I really wait for someone I want to lose it to, then I'll be like 23, and then guys will all wonder WHY I'm still a virgin, and then run away . . . And I also just have the URGE to do it. Hello hormones.

I'm no prude, I'm not religious, and I'm not ugly by a long shot. But I still feel like a big loser. But then again...I'd also feel like a big loser if I gave my V-card to someone unworthy, or if I got pregnant or something.

I'm not sure what to say. Has anyone here ever felt this way? Has anyone here waited to have sex and have it turn out to be a good decision. . .?

What if graduate college and I'm still a virgin, and I have to go out into the real world being so inexperienced? What a joke. I'd cry.

Image Source: Shutterstock
Join The Conversation
whats-her-name whats-her-name 6 years
Can I just say that I love how the photo for this question is a geeky looking girl with glasses and books. I'd just like to point out for the record geek does not equal virgin.
aliintern aliintern 6 years
I'm in exactly the same situation. Only I'm 22 and about to graduate. I don't look down on others and am not a prude, just never was a hook up kind of gal and didn't really have a boyfriend... it's just like I feel like I'm getting too old and might have this weird stigma which I hope is all in my head
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 6 years
I lost it at 22, and I still wish I had waited longer. No kidding, I really do. I did it with the wrong person, and several wrong people after that. I should have waited for someone important to be with. It sounds like the only one stressing over this is you, so you're doing it to yourself. Your friends don't care whether or not you're a virgin. Even if they did, who gives? Relax and enjoy college. If you meet the right person, go for it. But don't be in such a rush to start having sex.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
I hope the original poster really take sin the above post. It is so positive. And yes, having sex with a friend can be special.
pixi0ed pixi0ed 6 years
I was in almost the exact situation as you are now in. I am 22 now and waiting until I was almost 21 to lose my virginity. My friends all did the same thing, they'd talk about it all the time and I wouldn't really have any input. I was scared to try it because I thought guys would think i'm weird or I wouldn't know how to do anything. I'm good looking, i'm flirty, guys like me. I just thought well I've waited this long why would I just give it up now?? Thing is, I wanted to have sex. I have a sex drive. I got bored waiting around for Mr. Right boyfriend who never came along. Not anyone that I really want to seriously date. So, I started to go out to the bars or parties and talk to guys...Found one that I secretly always had a crush on since freshman year. We walked home from the bar one night and all we did was fool around. This was my first time ever touching a penis (ha)! I saw him out again not long after, and we hooked up again...He knew I was virgin because I told him about it the first night (and he wasn't scared away). He was very casual about it and honestly didn't even care or judge me. So....we ended up having sex. The first time wasn't the most pleasant, but I got it over with and honestly, I do not regret having sex with a guy who is not my boyfriend. I'm still single now but I am much more confident and I am having a very good time if you know what I mean. Sex gets better and better the more times you have it. The first few times are just okay, but the guy is not going to mind because honestly I don't think they notice how new you are to it. Once I got more used to it and more confident its amazing! I think you should just find a guy you are attracted to and go for it. Waiting around is boring. Just make sure to start yourself up on birth control pills first, I was already taking mine before I decided to lose my virginity. And I still make sure I use condoms if I hook up with a guy.
noelleteresa noelleteresa 6 years
Frankie says relax.
stephy1991 stephy1991 6 years
It is not something to feel weird about, this is something big!! Dont do it with someone your not in love with. That moment will stay with you forever.
pureperfection pureperfection 6 years
hey girl, dont know if youre still reading replies or not. but regardless, BE PROUD OF YOUR VIRGINITY, YOUR VIRGINITY IS SACRED. even gaga agrees, not like i really care about gaga. but i think saving yourself for someone worthy and serious is the best. there is always B.O.B(battery-operated boyfriend) *winks*
Diana0504 Diana0504 6 years
Hey! i was exactly in your shoes... at 20, a freshman in college. i was still a virgin, BUT i already had a boyfriend for 3 years... i didn't really want to wait, but i was afraid... and i know the talks about sex and contraceptives and such, but... the feeling that you didn't do a mistake after losing it, is worth the wait and the awkward feelings... and all the guys that run away from virgins, aren't worth the time, because they're only after fun... stay true to yourself and the right guy will come :)
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
I agree 100% with the above post.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
I agree with Roaring Silence. Stock up on those condoms now, don't wait and then find you haven't got one at the wrong time.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
The more you focus on virginity being a detriment and something to abhor, the more you will put out an insecure, unappealing vibe to potential boyfriends. Seriously, this will end up being a vicious cycle for you. Just try to chill about it and focus on other things that you enjoy. Work on areas in your life that make you feel happy and connected to people. Doing that, you are more likely to put out a happy, confident vibe which is attractive, and are more likely to meet men with similar interests. BTW, to Rory, I get what you are trying to say about if someone is a virgin, they haven't had long term relationships, but your reasoning is faulty. There are plenty of women in relationships that want to wait for marriage, and there are even more that have never had a long term relationship, but enjoy casual sex, just look at the OP's friends. I personally have actually never heard someone say, "I waited to have sex with someone I loved, and I really regret it." But I have heard plenty of "why did I sleep with that douche?" Hell, I have said it myself! :)
ginny311 ginny311 6 years
I was in your exact position last year, when I was a junior in college. For a while I thought I just wanted to get it over with, but when that opportunity came up I realized it's not what I want. When I turned 21 I was so worried that maybe I'll never meet him and I'll graduate still a virgin, etc etc. As cliche as it sounds to "wait for the right guy" and "be ready," it's totally true. Eventually in the spring I did meet my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) and I'm so so glad I waited. Our first time was incredibly special and even though the relationship didn't end up working out I'm still really happy to have shared that with him. He was completely understanding and caring and we didn't do it until I was ready. I thought I wanted to make it "special," planning it out with flowers or candles or something, but in the end it was special enough by itself. He did admit that when I first told him I was a virgin (I told him early on so he wouldn't try anything) that he was a bit worried he'd have to "teach" me. But of course sex is not about doing it right or doing it particularly well - it's about two people who have a strong enough connection to make the experience worth it despite any technical difficulties. I felt safe and secure and comfortable with him so even though I was a newbie we were still able to make it better. Because I was able to tell him I was a virgin, I know he cherished our first time as much as I did, and it was that much more special. Don't worry about being a virgin. Take care of yourself, put yourself out there when meeting new people, work on improving yourself. The rest will follow naturally. Honestly, the boys who judge you for being a virgin are not worth it. I hope you're able to find what you're looking for because I did and I waited.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 6 years
Well, I'm 23 and still a virgin. I'm not a prude, devoid of a sex drive, religious, and I'm far from ugly, and I don't feel like a loser at all. In fact it's something I'm kind of proud of. Scarcity brings value, as far as I'm concerned. Believe me, I'm looking forward to that experience one day, but I'm waiting for someone who really values me. Watching the situations my friends put themselves in, and the consequences (I don't even mean pregnancy and STI's... sex is so perfunctory and meaningless to some of them) makes me so grateful I had the foresight to hold out for someone special. I know it can feel very alienating at times, but try to keep some perspective. It'll happen one day.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 6 years
I know how you feel. I lost my virginity at a very late age, as well. Thankfully though it was never a big topic among my friends. Yes, they mentioned their boyfriends, but not to the point where I felt left out. Anyway. I have never heard of anyone who claimed that waiting for sex made it better for them. You're clearly at an age where it's perfectly reasonable to start having sex, and besides, most people get heartbroken because of failed relationships, and that is perfectly possible even if you never got naked. I never regarded my first time as something that had to be set up in a special way, or done with a special person. I actually even expected it to be the worst sex, and that it would go up from there. But because I waited so long, it actually turned out to be awesome, just like anytime I've done anything since. I am of course grateful I didn't do anything at a much younger age, because who knows, it may have been painful or whatever. Other than that.. don't stand in your own way because you're waiting for someone special. You're not diminishing how special all the other times will be, no matter who you have your first time with. I almost had mine with some Irish dude who happened to stumble into my hotel room when I was on a class trip when I was 18 (we both passed out before doing anything though, haha) Maybe that's the idea... traveling? :p Maybe somewhere far away no one will be able to resist how exotic you are! And then once the pressure's off, I'm sure people will come flocking to you =P By the way, about getting pregnant right the first time.. please make absolutely sure that doesn't happen then, or ever. Carry some condoms with you at all times. Just get them now, they last a while. The saddest thing would be if you had the chance to hook up, but had to stop because you weren't prepared.
BlancaBlanca BlancaBlanca 6 years
Forgot a main point and that is - trust. I was attracted to the guy, I knew him but most of all I trusted he was a good person and I trusted he would treat me as I deserved. Oh, and by the way, when he found out I was a virgin, he kissed me and said "Thank you", it made him feel special. Of course guys will know it was your own choice. Anyone can have sex, anyone, ugly/pretty, smart/stupid. It is a matter of choice. So listen to your heart and instincts and make your choice whenever you feel you are ready!
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