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Inexplicable Chemistry With Someone I Didn't Know

"I Have Inexplicable Chemistry With Someone I'm Not Dating"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

OK, so here is a strange one, well I can't explain it so I'm hoping someone else will. A guy I was dating many years ago, had flown into town on business for a few days. We met accidentally while I was out with colleagues and we were all in the same restaurant. When we set eyes on each other everyone just stared at us, his business partner and my work colleagues. I am separated for a few years but he is with someone now. We went for a drink and there was lots of fun and flirting. I realized and maybe he did too, that there was still that 'spark' between us.

What I would like to know is it possible that there will always be this attraction towards a certain type of person. And do people believe in that saying what's for you won't pass you? Would love to hear an experts point of view, as I don't really understand the law of attraction. from a very fussy mind.

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architectdarling architectdarling 5 years
It seems to me like you just want justification to pursue this guy. Since he has a girlfriend, I say leave him alone and either wait until he's single or find someone else. Keep it classy
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I think you can have a lifelong attraction to someone, even if you're no longer with them. I have a person like that in my life. We will never ever be together again, but every time I so much as hear his name I get a shiver. And yet I also believe that just because you have that chemistry it doesn't mean it's always ok to act on it, such as when one or both of you is in a relationship, or you live 5,000 miles away from each other and have no chance for a normal relationship. I'm not an expert, but that's my personal opinion.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
Okay, first off, before I answer your question, I need to get this off my chest. You wrote, "When we set eyes on each other everyone just stared at us." How were you able to notice other people staring at you two if you were busy looking at that guy? I just don't understand this. Perhaps you were feeling the spotlight effect, and just assumed you were the center of everyone's attention? Anyway, there is no such thing as an expert in dating or relationships. You just live and grow and learn with them. As for feeling attracted to a certain type of person, maybe. It really just depends. You can't help who you're attracted to, but you can control you reactions to that initial attraction. This guy is in a relationship. He shouldn't be looking to start something new with another woman. If he is doing that with you right now, then put an end to it until he breaks up with her (and that's very iffy at the moment). You'll save yourself a lot of heartache and confusion by letting him know you're not willing to be flirty and engage in an affair with him while he's in a relationship with another woman. That's not fair to the woman, and that isn't fair to you. You both (the other woman and yourself) deserve honesty and respect. So don't get involved with this man, and let him know what's what (i.e., if he wants to be with you, he'll have to respectfully leave his gf first). As for the saying 'What's for you won't pass you', I don't think it's true. People don't know what's for them until they decide for themselves what's for them. They realize it either after it's gone, while they still have it, or while they're waiting for it. And not everyone gets what they want in life. Some people get everything they want in life, while others are just content with what they've got. Either way, it's not like it's destiny. No one but yourself chooses what is for you. There is such a thing as chance (like how you met 'accidentally' with this guy while he was on a business trip), but still it's up to you what to do with it. Lastly, reflect upon yourself and this situation to guide you in your final decision. Are you in a rough place right now? If you are, it could be that you're craving affection and attention, or maybe you want an escape from reality. Perhaps you're lonely. These are all reasons that your judgment could be off. Furthermore, what is it that attracts you to this specific guy? On the other side, what is bad about him? Everyone has their pros and cons. It would help if you list out his pros and cons and decide if he's at all a suitable match for you. Does he embody traits you desire in a partner (attentiveness, intelligence, attractiveness, kindness, etc)? Why did you two stop dating? Sometimes what's in the past is best left in the past.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
I don't know about a certain type of person, but some people just spark. Sometimes there's instant chemistry, the pheremones pull you together, and you always feel that initial attraction bubbling under the skin. Doesn't mean, at all, there a relationship would work. Chemistry is great! But chemistry just chemistry. Takes so much more. He's with someone. So you enjoy the tingle, the fizz, but you don't follow up, or go any further. I know plenty of people who let chemistry bring them together, they made beautiful babies, and then split, because there wasn't enough other than chemistry to make them work out their living together issues.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
I beleive that what is for you won't pass you as long as you dont try to do anything to speed up the process. Just see where it takes you but don't try to break up something happy, which I'm sure isn't your master plan. Just live your life as you have been before he came back into your life and go with the flow.
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