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This or That: Knowing He Cheated or Not Being Sure?

You’re not a jealous person, but your instincts tell you that something is up with your boyfriend of two years. After hearing mixed rumors from mutual friends, you decide to try and let it go — you don’t want to make a false assumption, and your boyfriend has always been extremely trustworthy. Would it be worse if…

This: Just as things are normalizing, your boyfriend confesses to cheating on you in a one-night stand? He claims that it was a huge mistake and would do anything to take it back.


That: Months after, your gut still tells you something is wrong? When you confront him, he swears that there’s nothing to worry about. Rumors imply otherwise, but you don’t have any actual proof.


Join The Conversation
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
not knowing is worse. i would be able to dump his ass only if i know that he cheated, only if im sure. but i cant rely on rumors. i prefer his confrontation rather than rumors.
bengalspice bengalspice 8 years
I don't want to know. I'd never be able to be happy knowing my boyfriend cheated on me. And I'm saying this from experience.
hottinpink9021 hottinpink9021 9 years
OMG! Wierdly enough, you just described my EXACT situation! B/f of 2 years cheating one time and would do anything to take it back. But I would rather it be THIS way than THAT way. I'm glad I know. Now I can decide if I can forgive and try to forget, or move on to someone else.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I would have to know. If you don't know you're always going to suspect it. Also, if he confesses to you he'll know you're watching him closer and will be less likely to do it again.
emalove emalove 9 years
That would be so much worse...I've been in that situation before and it was so terrible having that gut feeling, but no proof. I'm a "need to know" kind of girl.
MissChita MissChita 9 years
I agree, both are not good. But if I'm going to choose, then I think its worse when you have that gut feeling that something isnt right but can prove it or confront your mate because you have no evidence. And you dont wanna break up with them for no unknown reason. But, if my mate just came out and said 'hey I had a one night stand...' or whatever, then although I wouldnt like it (of course), I would have to accept that fact and would be able to make a sound decision based off of that fact and not the feeling that I think something is going on.
kikidawn kikidawn 9 years
fallen85, it states: "Would it be worse if…" I'm with Almost Famous.. both would be horrible.
juicylove juicylove 9 years
how could honesty be worse? atleast if hes honest, then you would know for sure and you wouldnt worry yourself sick or even catch something from him because you didnt think you were at risk?
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
The cheating would be worse than needless suspicions but the uncertainty would be torture compared to getting something out in the open.
geebers geebers 9 years
The way this is worded so darn confusing and even though I am used to it I STILL get confused. Seriously dearsugar, cant you make this a little less complicated? So many people are picking the wrong one so your poll is not even accurate half the time!! FYI- I actually made SURE to pick the right one after readign it slowly- and only because I have picked the wrong response so many times before. I would rather just know.
kiwitwist kiwitwist 9 years
It would be worse to be in 'confusion', second guessing everything he does, where he is, etc. I would much rather know.
Kelliegrl Kelliegrl 9 years
B: You can’t tell fact from fiction - is worse. I went through this with a guy I dated for three years. He never confessed but there was A LOT of evidence that indicated otherwise. I figured I better trust my instincts and called it quits.
vmruby vmruby 9 years
Not knowing. The sneaking around and playing me for a fool behind my back is alot worse,not to mention how angry the lies themselves would make me.. I would rather know for sure what he's up to so i can have the extreme pleasue of dumping his sorry butt......
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
I didn't vote because both are worst. Not knowing if he cheated is terrible in itself. Especially if he denied it constantly. If the other woman played her part well enough to NOT call the home, call his cell and remaining quiet, yes that's hurtful too! If he flat out and said something about his cheating that would be terrible as well. But it wouldn't be as terrible as the other woman letting me know before he let me know... It's a tie...both are terrible.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
I think we're all a bit confused in how the voting is supposed to go... is the question "Which is worse?" or is it "Which would you prefer?" because I thought it was "Which would you prefer" and chose This but I think some people are choosing it based on the question "Which is worse" and are choosing That. Am I wrong?
Random2 Random2 9 years
I'd want to know and start figuring out where to go from there. Not knowing would turn me into a complete wreak, and would probably end the relationship even if he hadn't cheated.
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
Who wouldn't want to know?! I'd just want to get it over with.
Melo-D Melo-D 9 years
I agree skigurl. You want to know. Honesty is key. It provides the best situation when it comes down to making a decision.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
i agree, worse not knowing i went through this, and it SUCKS! he eventually got caught in one lie, and confessed to something (kissing ONLY), but he was lying even then because more happened that he wasn't telling me about, and it totally sucks you dont want to break up with someone because of "rumors" but at least if he's honest and tells you his reasoning and whatever, you may be able to work it out or at least make an informed decision
glam-sugar glam-sugar 9 years
It'd be worse not knowing.
RustyAngel73 RustyAngel73 9 years
It'd be worse not knowing. At least if you know then you can decide on where to go from there without waiting in limbo.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
It would be better if he just came out and confessed. Get it over with.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
Of course, I would prefer to not be cheated on at all. But I try to always trust my instinct about these things, because it is usually right. Your unconscious mind picks up little hints that you many not be consciously aware of or may ignore because you don't want to believe it.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
I also think it would be worse not knowing. I have been in that situation before, and it is very painful to not really know for sure what happened or if they cheated on you. Because the thing is, most cheaters are also liars. I prefer honesty any day. Because at least you can know what really happened and then decide if you want to forgive them or not.
sundaygreen sundaygreen 9 years
It would be worse not knowing. In fact, it's bad enough doubting your boyfriend to begin with - and having people plant that seed in the first place from hearsay (true or not)...
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